TG
Team Gaki Presents
Translators
Maatan
Chris819
Lei
Typesetters
Inugami
Sacro
Hinnerk
English Checker
James
Quality Checker
PeaceBrigade
Abyss of Surpressed Emotion
An abyss of surpressed emotions...
That's when people cry and break into laughter
Crying while breaking into laughter
That's when people cry and break into laughter
Gaki No Tsukai's Best Series!!
"No Laughing Scientists"
Gaki No Tsukai's best
"No Laughing" series!
This year they are scientists!
YAAAAA!!!
Laughter Assassins Attack
Most Powerful Lineup!!
The strongest lineup of laughter assassins!
I have no idea
Don't say it like that!!
Anything can happen if it's funny!
Barrage of solid jokes!!
If it's funny, anything can happen!
The laughter assassins barrage them with solid jokes!!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA COME?
Shoten
Shoten's Urgent Showdown!!
URGENT SHOWDOWN
Shoten's Urgent Showdown!!
What do they have in common?
SECRET is important
Of course I'd laugh at that!!
Experiments
Skill
Science experiments laced with skill!
Rocket Punch Explosion
That's so dirty!!
Unpleasant Memories
Unpleasant memories...
Run away from the devils!
Screaming and screeching tag!!
They must run from the devils again this year!
scale up
Storm of screams
The punishments are scaled up to a storm of screams!
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?
That's the worst!!
Unbelievable Behavior
Abdominal Collapse! Waking up experiment!
Abdominal collapse! Waking up experiment!!
This year's Jimmy is amazing!!
I can't! Sorry!!
It's a monster!!
YOU DID IT!
AHHH DON'T!!
YOU DID IT!!
AAAAAHHHH~!!
Continuous laughter!! Don't miss the 6-hour special!!
Continuous laughter! Prepared 6-hour special!!
Continuous laughter!! Don't miss the 6 hour special!!
The New Year's Special,
absolutely no laughing
No Laughing
24 Hours
24-Hour Scientists!!
SCIENTISTS
Downtown
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
Here we are again.
Cocorico
Endo Shozo
Tanaka Naoki
Tsukitei Housei
Please enjoy!!
Here we are, once again!!
We hope you like it!
I'm tired of the cheering!!
That was a very cool line just now
Your voice is gone!!
Ah, Hamada-san!!
Go home, Hamada-san!
Your voice has no strength
I'm fine
What?
I'm fine
You are not okay!
No you aren't!
You're not okay like that?
Your voice is rattling
Your voice is like Umemiya Tatsuo's voice
You're gonna get scolded
This year's theme is..?
Yes, this year's theme is...
It was scientists
Yes, it was scientists.
It's a long stretch, so
Matsumoto-san, introduce the VTR please
The previous previous VTR has
been edited for everyone in the studio
The previous previous VTR has
to include what we call subs, START!!
THAT'S ENOUGH
He introduced it very politely
START!!
"Polite" in some sense
No Laughing Scientists
Starting Point
The starting point,
on a morning like any other,
Ordinary Morning
kindly welcomes the 5 men
The weather is just like the past years
It's always the same
It doesn't cheer us up...
I really don't think we need 5 people
Isn't 4 people enough?
You mean we switch in and out?
Anyone, don't you think 4 people is enough?
So that one persontakes a break?
So that one person takes a break?
Yes, they take a break
That in itself sounds hard
Do you have a problem with that?
The one who's resting will be worried sick
No, I wouldn't be worried at all. I just want to rest.
No no no, what are you saying?
Right?
It's "Downtown's Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende"
Yes, that's right
I've never been told
Our pay is divided among 5 people anyway
YEAH RIGHT
That's not true
Right, Hosei-san?
That's not true
Wait here
"Wait here" it says
It's cooollddd
Delorean
Whoa, incredible
Amazing
Did he borrow that from Kon-chan?
Wow wow wow
Incredible
Hahaha
Wow, amazing
And the person inside is?
Of course
Everyone, good morning!
Forget good morning...
Downtown's Former Manager
Fujiwara Hiroshi
He looks like a monster
What a dirty face
Come back later, lose some weight, then come back
Seriously
Yeah
I just came back from the future but
Yoshimoto Kogyo had, in the Manhattan Metropolis,
Yoshimoto Kogyo had, in the Manhattan Metropolis
built a 300-story company building
I was so surprised!!
Who are you?
Uh... a scientist
Aaahhh no no no
Not a scientist...
What happened?
"Ah no no"
Natural comedian!!
So uh, guys
By looking at this outfit, I'm sure you can tell
Oh, he's going to tell us here
This year's theme is Professors of Science
What?
This year's theme is Professors of Science
Oh, professors of science
There's a word like that?
No there isn't, if you think about it
Science and Professor are words, but
"Professor of Science" doesn't seem to be a phrase
You're Professors of Science!!
Matsumoto!!
Professors of Science or Yoshimoto, which do you like more?
Professors of Science
Even though you say that, I already know
You REALLY like Yoshimoto
"Even though you say that"!?
These 5 become rookie scientists &
endure 24 hours of rigorous duty
With that,
the 5 men become rookie scientists
Why did they use that picture for Hosei?
and endure 24 hours of rigorous duty
I know right?!
How spiteful
Moreover, you guys
call yourselves scientists but what the hell are you wearing?
Well you just told us, so...
Yeah
Your change of clothes are in those BOXES
Can you go change immediately?
Isn't there a more scientific way to change?
Yeah!
change into appropriate clothing
Before fulfilling scientists' duties
The first step to becoming scientists,
they must change into the appropriate clothing
It's just a box and a curtain
I'm going to get you all to come out one after another
First up, Matsumoto
You look good
Muscular Macho Doctor
Thank you very much
You're setting the bar high
Thank you!
You look like you could have an IQ of 200
Ahh, I might
Okay next, Endo!
Wish me luck!
Handsome as always you look good
Handsome Newlywed Doctor
Handsome as always you look good
He is newly-married, right?
You look like you could win a Nobel Prize
I'll do my best!
Tanaka!
Oh, you look good
Lanky Dirty Doctor
You're looking a little lanky
but you look smart
Thank you very much
You're like the Edison of the Comedy World
"Lanky"
I appreciate it
So
Hosei!
Looking good
Naive Little Boy Doctor
Thank you
You look cute
"Naive little boy"
You look like you're squid-witted
Squid?
Quick-witted
Seafood?
You mean seafood?
Quick-witted
Okay, Hamada!
Hamada is the only Female Scientist
Look at that
Female scientist!
Why are youthe only female scientist?
Is that what they meant?
Why are you the only female scientist?
What happened to you?
Female scientist!
No no I don't like it
Wait she's pregnant
He has to take caution
What a mess
She's pregnant!!
She has huge boobs
Pregnant...
Your pants: what are those pink frills?
What is that?
Sexy... garter
Sexy garter, is it?
Is it a sexy garter?
This shows up every few years, this sexy garter...
Yes, it pops up
Speaking of which "there it is", that wig...
Right?
No doubt about it
No doubt...
Apparently that's not a wig
Apparently that's his spirit
It forms via his spirit
It appears if he bites his thumb or something
Does it grow out?
This year's rules are simple
Train as rookie scientists for 24 hours
During training, absolutely no laughing
If you laugh, you'll receive a harsh punishment
For 24 hours, during their training, they cannot laugh, no matter what
That's all there is to the rules
So, uh, the
"Science Laboratory" bus will be here
Again?
Let's go then
No more buses, let's just walk
We're scientists but we still travel by bus
I'm fine with the bus; I just want to get there quickly.
I agree
I know that's not the case, though
Starting point
Finally, they are facing the harsh beginning
The relaxed mood has changed
Tensions are high
The tensions are high
It's cold-
oh, it's here!!
In that moment the 5 men saw
the bus that would transport them
This bus was
leaked all over Twitter and the like
It was everywhere
It was all over the place
Guys the bus is here
Of course
I can see it...
I know
Guys, look
Gaasuu Kurobikari Science Laboratory:
that's the place where you guys will spend your time researching
How is it? Funny, right?
What? Funny?
It's not quite funny...
Not funny
Were you aiming to be funny?
Then it's not particularly funny
It's pretty average
Then it's not particularly funny
The bus to Gaasuu Kurobikari Science Laboratory
On the bus designed with Ein-suga-ein's face
They will set off to the Science Laboratory
they will make their way to the Science Laboratory
Everyone,
once you board the bus,
you’re not allowed to laugh
Everyone
When you feel you’re ready, then we’ll head off
Let’s board from the middle entrance
From the middle?
we’re going in this order?
It’ll start once we board
Aw man, then
Let's go
Shall we board?
Yep
It begins
Man, I don’t wanna start but I guess it won't end if we don’t start
Ahhh
Man, I don’t wanna start, but I guess it won't end if we don’t start
That's right
It's gonna be hell
Okayy, I’m gonna board
Let's go shall we?
Do not laugh Scientists 24 hours
Okay I'm on
Only Tanaka isn't allowed to laugh
We haven't started yet, have we?
Say something, man
What are you doing?
How come you’re not getting on the bus?
Oh that's how you board the bus so I thought
Please get on the bus
You gotta be kidding me
It just popped out of nowhere
No wayyy
Aw come on guys
The timing was awesome
Tanaka's out right?
He's out
We didn’t get on
Come on guys...
What the hell is this?!
Why aren’t you guys boarding the bus?
Wow
An ass whipping from
the Black Army soldiers
I feel sorry for Tanaka
That was crazy
That was bad, man
That was awesome
Alright let's go
Okay, okay let's get on
let’s get on
let’s get on, please
That was quite a hit
Okay let's do this
All aboard
That was awesome
Let's do this
Do we have to sit in order?
T/N: Matsumoto is using a foreigner accent
That messed me up real bad
Passengers already on board
Man...
We’re aiming for cheap laughs with that fart, aren't we?
We're aiming for cheap laughs with that fart, aren't we?
Hahaha
But it was freaking hilarious
Is that so?
You just casually laughed
You just laughed
Yeah we’re aiming for cheap laughs
Yeah just now
That's right. I totally forgot not to laugh
You're still laughing now
You just laughed
You're still laughing now
You just casually laughed
Really?
Let's get serious
As they set off to the Science Laboratory
As they set off,
what lies ahead for them?
Ahh so it begins
The year 2016
From now on they wont be able to laugh
Within the bus, the atmosphere gets heavy
Laughing assassins lie ahead;
who will be the first special guest!?
For them, laughing assassins lie ahead
with the first being a special guest, who will it be?
Laughing assassins lie ahead;
who will be the first special guest!?
For them, laughing assassins lie ahead, with the first being a special guest,
who will it be?
So what’s your name?
So it's like that hey
Arrived at a bus stop
The platform's pretty low
That was quick
Ah this part
Detective
Wakabayashi Masayasu
Inspector Zenigata
T/N: Suzuki is playing Inspector Zenigata from a popular manga series called Lupin the Third
Suzuki Ryohei
This should be the bus
It follows the escapades of master thief Arsène Lupin III and Lupin and his gang are constantly chased by Inspector Koichi Zenigata of the ICPO, who has made it his life's work to arrest them, pursuing Lupin across the globe.
Yes, I received information that Lupin is on this bus
It's Suzuki Suzuki
It's Suzuki, Suzuki
Oi you guys!
Until i find Lupin here, I can't allow you to leave
Inspector Zenigata’s mission
Arresting Lupin the fugitive
You will show yourself to us willingly
Zenigata...?
Inspector,
these 5 guys dressed as scientists, don’t they look suspicious?
Certainly...
It's a gut feeling we have
Lupin is certainly here
Well done, inspector
Which one of these people might be Lupin?
Speaking of Lupin, he is a master of disguise, so it wont be easy to find him
Before we arrest someone, bring those guys in here!
Before we arrest someone, bring those guys in here
Alright, come in!!
What is it?
Lupin’s accomplices
Endo’s father and brother board the bus
What is it?
Already here
Already here, all of a sudden
That was quick
Again, this year
That was quick
Endo's family is here again
Come on
Already
Hey Goemon
T/N: Endo's dad is playing Goemon. Another character from the Lupin the Third manga franchise, Goemon Ishikawa XIII is a renegade samurai that usually partners with Lupin in his exploits
Out of these 5 people, point out Lupin
I have no frickin clue
He doesn't talk like that...
He hasn't done his research
He doesn't talk like that
You should do your research
What was that?
Who do you think you're playing?
Looks like he's just winging it
No clue...
He's just winging it
Inspector, looks like this guy is keeping his mouth shut
Seems so..
You know what,
I just wanted to do a plug-in (advertise) of my new TV drama
Why do I have be alongside this B-grade celebrity’s family?
At the end of the year why am I stuck in a show with comedians and
doing this serious skit with these idiots?
You don’t have to be that straight up about it!
I feel sorry for him
He's right though
You didn't need to say that directly
He's right
He exposed everything!
He’s so straight forward!
He hit my back
He’s so straight forward!
He was so straight up about it
You shouldn’t really say that, that was dirty!
But you know, what Lupin is a pro at disguising
however his weak point is a honey-trap
Bring the recently arrested Fujiko in here
Hey, Fujiko you're up!!
That means...
So that means it's
Yep
Heyy~ its me Fujiko
Lupin’s accomplice
Endo’s mum boards the bus
"Heyy~ its me Fujiko"
"Heyy~ its me Fujiko"?
T/N: Endo's mum is playing Lupin's love interest, Fujiko Mine. Although Fujiko usually works together with the others, she occasionally exploits Lupin's interest in her to steal the treasure for herself.
"Heyy~ its me Fujiko"
This is bad
There she is
Wow
She has no clue
The real Fujiko doesn't say
"Heyy~ its me Fujiko" she doesn't say that
Welcome Fujiko, Your se-
I’m wondering if-
Huh? what is it?
if we (his parents) can find Lupin
using this sexy outfit to lure him out
she just wants to deliver her lines
This is awesome
Oh my God
What is with her delivery?
Her delivery
The delivery of her lines is so stiff
Aw man this is bad
The delivery of her lines is so stiff
Let's see what she gonna say next
Out of these five,
Fujiko’s mission
Luring out Lupin using a honey-trap
in order, I will find Lupin
using my sexiness to lure him out
Come again?
Yes, you!
What do you think of this?
This is tough
Not really
Don’t you think I'm sexy?
Yeah...
Ah yes?
You look good for your age
Oh my goodness...
You're so cute~
What the hell is this?
Bam!!
What the hell indeed...
I have no idea what's going on...
That's right
What's going on..?
Ahh so this is how the new year starts
I have no idea...
This will never ever end
Oy you are not doing a very good job!!
They're not gonna call us to come back next year!
I'm doing the best that I can
We won't be able to work together anymore
Fujiko VS Goemon
Inner conflict regarding mission details
I’m really doing my best
You should do it properly
Looks like it
I am!
You should try harder
You wanna fight?
It's been 40 years
40 years, wow...
Man this...
That was bad
That was a bad rip-off
Fujiko VS Goemon
A rehash of Ueshima and Degawa’s argument
They didn't do it very well
It's been 40 years...
Yes about 40 years
(Translator note: Endo's brother is playing Daisuke Jigen, Lupin's right-hand man and closest ally)
In front of my brother as well...
Hey Jigen
This fat lip lady is full giving you a dirty look
Do not engage with her at all costs!!
What are you staring at?
T/N: Endo’s brother is speaking politely with a bad attitude
I don't think I was...
Stop that, Jyunji
That's enough, Jigen
He’s speaking politely
I don't think...
What the hell are you staring at?
No I wasn't
Oy, big lipped freak
I wasn't staring...
Jigen VS Hamada
Another rehash of Ueshima and Degawa’s argument
I wasn't
You were staring
No, no I wasn't
You were
What are you staring at, huh?
I said I wasn't
Yes you were
What the hell
I'm sorry I didn't know
Man again this year
I know right
There's no escape
You just can't break away
Come on
There's just no escape
Once you're in that situation, there's no escape
You heard what he said: he called you a big lipped freak
That was close
He was being so polite as well
I dunno, what should we do now?
That’s right, we have no other choice
Alright! Bring out the woman they call the "number 1 sexiest woman" in our police department!
The last strategy to arrest Lupin
The Police Department’s Number 1 sexiest woman
Yes that woman
We should be able to find the fugitive with this honey-trap
Please come in!!
Ahh I think I know who it is
Who is it?
Huh!?
Your wife!!
I am Cocorico’s Endo’s wife, Masami
Please come in!!
Ahh I think I know who it is
Who is it?
Huh?!
Your wife!!
That's my wife
I am Cocorico’s Endo’s wife, Masami
No way!
The last strategy to arrest Lupin
Infiltration of Endo’s wife
Hold up!
Oh my God
Hold on a second!
Ah, nice to meet you!
Oh my God
Hold on a second!
Wow the whole family’s here!
That's right everyone's here
Isn’t she Sekine’s ex-manager?
Yes, yes that's right
Isn't she Sekine’s ex-manager?
T/N: Sekine Tsutomu is a widely known comedian and actor in Japan. When Endo dated Sekine's ex-manager a few years ago, it became a big scoop in the Entertainment business.
You gotta be kiddin' me
I can't believe it
Thank you miss, please have a seat.
You serious?
This was also referenced in 2011/2012 "No Laughing Airport" Batsu Game when Sekine confronted Endo, taunting his love for "women working backstage".
Thank you miss, please have a seat.
Nice to meet you
You shouldn’t be here!
You shouldn’t be here! Seriously!
Are you being serious right now?
They already laughed, but please continue to enjoy
Miss
Today is a good chance to vent your frustrations
Last strategy to arrest Lupin
Luring out Lupin by venting out her daily frustrations
Vent to your heart's content
What is with this scenario?
Sho-chan,why won't you buy me a wedding ring?
Sho-chan, why won't you buy me a wedding ring?
I want a wedding ceremony!
Isn't it strange?Married with no rings?
Isn't it strange? Married without rings?
We talked about buying one later, right?
We talked about buying, right?
I've been asking for a whole year now!
It hasn't been a year. These things take time, like having kids...
1 year? That’s not on.
Awful!
It shouldn't take you that long.
You keep saying you're not in the mood!
You know I've beenwaiting for a second child!
You know I've been waiting for a second child!
Don't say such things on New Year's Eve.
Yeah.Your Dad, Mom and brother: they're all here too.
Yeah. Your Dad, Mom and brother: they're all here too.
Yeah. Your Dad, Mom and brother:they're all here too.
Yeah. Your Dad, Mom and brother are all here.
I want a ring, and a wedding in Hawaii!
Hear me? I want it, I want it!
Promise me!
Promise me!!!
What the hell are you doing!?
What was that?
Yes...
And here, Endo Shozo got married again!
What was the "Yes" for?
So, everyone, let's all sing together!
Ladybug Samba
This is ridiculous.
Absolutely! What was that all about?
Shozo and Masami in Wonderland,
got married in a Gaki no Tsukai bus sketch.
Embarrassed, Shozo got a gentle smile.
Now I have you all to myself.
However, my husband's habits remain.
A cheating husband wanders away...
Now he seduces the receptionist.
The lyrics are ridiculous too
What are these lyrics?
Really!
To his beloved Masami, Shozo said...
...if comedians don't cheat, they won't shine!
He has no taste in women, our pervert Shozo
I've never said such a thing!
The old man can't remember any of the lyrics
...gets rejected by the receptionist.
Memorize, old man, memorize!
Even the producer starts to get worried
What do they want from me?
But I still love my husband,
cheerful, I've become a celebrity's bride!
Shozo-san,
Masami-san,
congratulations!
Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations!
Thank you!
So, shall we go?
Goodbye!
Hamada laughed a lot here.
What was that about?
It's finally over.
No kidding.
They even brought my wife...
About the Ladybug song...
your Dad couldn't remember a word.
Endo shocked by his wife!! The laughter assassins won’t let them rest!
While shocked be the appearance of Endo's wife,
the laughter-punishments continue without rest!
We should be close now.
Yes, just a bit further.
I don't see any buildings yet.
That's a residence area...
PITSTOP
Do we get off?
No, not yet.
We're not getting off then.
high school student
Gekidan Hitori
Kawashima,
why do you skip classes?
Seems he isn’t able to go to school
I won’t know if you don’t tell me!
Sensei...
I'm...worried about the entrance exams!
I'm worried about the entrance exams!
Worried about... the entrance exams?
Well, I’m the only one right?
Who probably won’t get into his choice of uni?
And my classmates will probably
make fun of me.
Kawashima,
Everyone feels pressured by the exams.
You’re all in the same boat
And everyone in the class
wants to work hard together with you!
Everyone?
That's right!
Sensei, now I understand...
Slapped by short-tempered teacher
Everyone's waiting for you!
Everyone?
You’re going to slap him there?
Sensei,
Everyone is waiti...
Are you going to betray them?!
I see... of course... I...
I see, of course... I...
??? (0_o) ???
What have I been doing until now?
Sensei, I...
You're supposed to be a man!
When one is in trouble,
The person who extends their hands to you is your friends!
That's true.
Kawashima,
Come here!
No...
Comepart 2
Come here!
Kawashima!
Watch out!
That hurts!
He bumped his head!
Right here
Is he gonna be OK?
Kawashimaa!
They're still going.
Kawashima!
That's harsh...
Kawashima!
He's still shouting at him.
Let's go already, they got off.
This is getting on my nerves.
Kawashimaaa!
Enough already, he said he would go to school.
"Go to school" he saidpart 2
"Go to school" he said, of course he'll get mad.
They're still going!
Kawashimaa!
Let's go to school!!
One hour since the start
Roughly one hour into the show
Due to the endless punishments, the five’s tension dips…
Laughter assassins wait just around the corner.
More punishments await them just round the corner.
Laughter punishers just round the corner
PITSTOP
What now?
Itao Itsuji (Yoshimoto Creative Agency)
That's him, isn't it?
Yeah.
That's,probably *him*.
That's, probably *him*.
Cough
Ahhh...
In poor condition
thermometer
This is a continuation from last year, right?
You’re laughing!
The awkward silence, right?
temperature measured
The silence is quite scary too, right?
No fever!!
Keep that kind of thing to yourself
Hey, what are you looking at?
What the hell do you want?
high school student fight
(???)
Are you one of them?
Don't fight, you two!
Itao-senpai
What?
This is the legendary gang leader who took over this neighbourhood all by himself.
Are you Itao?!
Damn, that was scary
Itao's mother
Matsuko Inugami
What is with that language?!
This child is Itao.
And what about you rookie scientists over there?
What is with those looks on your faces?!
Do you think this child is not Itao?
Tanaka
Are you...
...feeling feverish?
I don't have a fever.
Let's just go to the lab already.