Team Gaki Presents
Translators: GakiNoSuitGuy airismile Shion indi Papa-Pineapples zakennayo Alisa Solarwings photodiode funtonite Otviss RyuuTenshi Typesetters: Li'l Carl acoolins24 Sacro Kintsugi carebu zel Zeph Giffan Kolibry samsamuel CadetPirx Amria Alan bipedal Wyrm One Nojiko Karaoke: Kolibry Translation Check: Oolong Conjyak Quality Checkers: Elestriel Moocau EcksDee Server/Website Admin: Rich
Amazing
That's amazing, you had a king
For being in first place, we have a prize just for you!
A reward for Hosei's two consecutive wins
Eh, for real?
COME ON!!
Beautiful foreign ladies have appeared
A blessed dance by the beautiful women
The reward is a kiss from a beautiful lady
Yama-chan you look more pleased than I thought you'd be
Splendid!
It wasn't money huh
That was your reward just now!
How was it?
I thought I would get some Heipo chips
Since he won that much
If you win, it's heaven
If you lose, it's hell... This is gambl-
What the hell are you looking at!?
For some reason, the hexagon came back
I wasn't looking at you
I wasn't looking
You were looking at my underwear
No no no
I told you I wasn't looking!
And what's with that get-up?
I went to the front desk and asked if they had anything
And they told me this was all they had, it's all your fault
Hell if I know!
You were looking at my underwear, weren't you!?
You keep messing with me you bastard
Cut it out!
You asshole!
You bastard!
You were looking at my underwear just then!
Stop it!
You bastard
I told you to stop!
You were looking at my underwear!
Were you looking at MY underwear!?
I wasn't looking at your underwear!
A mudslinging match of who saw whose underwear
You bastard!
You were looking at my underwear!!
Are you wearing cow underwear!?
You wearing cow underwear!?
No it's not cow underwear!!
Shut up you bastard
Hey!
I don't know what the hell is going on
They're just some old guys...
What the hell
What kind of fight was that?
The usual
The usual!
What the hell...
That fight...
The legendary dealer...
You guys saw something great, huh?
No!?
C'mon let's go
Seems like there wasn't a reward
Due this incident, later on
An unexpected tragedy will arise
10 hours past
The group heads back to the casino again
The reason is...
What?
Everyone all good?
From now-
There's no way we're "good," idiot
You have a chance to make a killing at the casino
I see
Oh
Ah
We haven't really gotten anything...
You keep saying that over and over and we keep coming back
Uh huh
We haven't done anything
It's okay to laugh from here on out
So have fun gambling
Inside
If we head inside it's okay to laugh?
If you head in it's okay to laugh
Welcome, welcome!!
Daigo
Nobu
(Chidori)
Over this way, over this way!
Special Rule
From here on out it's OK to laugh!!
Welcome, welcome!
Yes, you're probably all tired
This time, the Don't Laugh series
Is on its 18th episode
Up until now we've had 17 episodes of laughing assassins
Assassins who appeared in the past 17 episodes
People
Assassins who appeared in the past 17 episodes
I see
That's a good number
Those people
Came on the show to make you laugh
And, the number of "OUT" hits was a surprise
Number of "OUT" hits in 17 episodes
hits
Number of "OUT" hits in 17 episodes
Hits
We'll have a quiz on the magnificent history of the Batsu Game
A quiz?
Aim to be a millionaire!
No Laughing History Quiz
Gaki Vegas
No Laughing History Quiz
Gaki Vegas
Rules
There will be a quiz from the 17 episodes of the No Laughing Series
Rules
They will be provided with 500,000 Heipo chips to bet
In the end the one with the most chips is the winner
This time,
Just your faces alone aren't enough...
It might be a bit rude
That's rude
This show started with us
Exactly
Why would you say that our faces alone aren't enough?
Everyone is old!!
Let's welcome our special guest, come on in!
So rude
We're not enough?
T/N: Fumino Kimura is a famous Japanese actress that has appeared in several movies and shows.
Fumino Kimura
Special Guest
Someone youthful
I see
Nice to meet you
Surely
She's got about three times the youth
Youth and beauty!
So you're a big fan of the No Laughing Series?
Yes
You don't feel that way at all right?
No no no
Oh you like the series? Then which part do you like huh?
When someone doesn't actually think that,
They cut off the conversation with a "yes"
Yeah that does happen!
Right
Up until now,
What left an impression on you?
Recently there have been a lot of actors that have appeared
True true
When the actors appear,
It's different from the usual faces I see
So I like that
That answer was
Very abstract
You said that so bluntly!
Ah really?
It's because you watched various things you could point that out
So bluntly
Let's get this show on the road!
Bring on the Ranking Quiz!
One, two!
Gaki Vegas!
No Laughing series
Past 17 episodes
Numerous assassins
It's you!!
Guess who made the gang laugh the most!!
Race of Assassins Who Got Laughs
Bus Joke Compilation
First, there are five entries for the No Laughing Bus segment.
The first entry is...
Youth High School
Thanks for waiting!
I've kept you waiting too long
Oh from last year
Director Muranishi
Tsuyoshi Kusanagi
No way!
How much did we laugh here I wonder?
What're you doing?
Those are some good expressions
This was definitely surprising
Very nice, very nice
It's been a while, having this kind of reunion
I told you: the one thing you can't do is come out here naked, man!
Have you forgotten that obnoxious thing you did
All those years ago?
Do you regret nothing?
I regret that
I might regret that TOO much
There's no way you regret it TOO much
From now on, I'd like you to use those to verify some things
Use Muranishi's usual conch shell and ask questions
I want to gape wide open the true nature of you two comedians
I remember this clear as day
This male actor
So, which are you:
Team Kusanagi?
Or Team Nakai?
Answer the director: 2 for Team Kusanagi 1 for Team Nakai
Which is it?
If you're Team Kusanagi,
Blow twice
Blow once for Team Nakai
What the hell?
What?
What the...?
The hell?
What is this?
Twice for Kusanagi
Once for Nakai
Blow into the conch, please!
That's really hard, though!
Please blow into the conch
Macchan?
Good! Nice! Nice!
I don't ge-
Tsuyoshi Kusanagi
T/N: Tsuyoshi Kusanagi is one of the members of SMAP.
How much did we laugh?
Bus Joke Compilation
The second entry is...
Right? We certainly laughed a lot
Hotel Employee
Mao Daichi
Hayashiya Mako
T/N: Mao Daichi is a Japanese actress. Here, she is imitating a comedian named Pako.
Oh my!
I remember Hosei, you were really into this
Couldn't stop laughing
This is from 11 years ago
Mako make a funny face!
No way
Mako make a funny face!
Mako shows off a funny face
Yama-chan, you laughed so much at this
She's good at making funny faces!
Yeah, they got me
Okay!
Tada!
T/N: She's imitating Antonio Inoki, a wrestler who is known for his severe underbite.
You alright?
Ya idiot!
Her funny faces are good
Shyeh~!
Idiot
We laughed quite a bit
Tada!
She didn't do anything!
That's enough!
Mao Daichi
Bus Joke Compilation
The third entry is...
Airport
Actually I'm thinking
About doing a duo now
A duo? Sounds good
Oh I remember this
A duo? Sounds good
My partner
Is actually coming
Could it be?
Heeey
Partneeerr!
It's them isn't it?
The Partner
Tatsuo Umemiya
T/N: Tatsuo Umemiya was a famous Japanese actor. He passed away in 2019.
Yep
Mhm
Just as I thought
I remember this
I definitely remember this
There's too many geezers here!
This guy's laugh lines are something else
The middle of his wrinkles are all rolled up
The woman who brought my sanity back in Ginza
T/N: Claudia is Tatsuo's wife, who is caucasian.
IT WAS CLAUDIA WITH THE BLUE EYES!
Wait
You think you sing so well, but
Your voice is too damn quiet!
Harsh criticism
Shall I
Slap you once?
I think it'd be better if I slapped you once
Pull yourself together
Think of the audience
I'm very sorry,
As a pro-
This is too much
Too much
Not good
He was pretty good!
This one was scary!!
Got my heart pumping
Lots of nervousness
Umemiya Tatsuo
He's a legend!
Bus Joke Compilation
The fourth entry in the Bus Joke Compilation is...
Treasure Hunter
Wait, what?
This must be...
This is...
We are Chidori, thanks for having us
Chidori
Pardon us, hello
We got hit a lot here
Right
That's right
I'm thinking of taking a trip
That's nice
Chidori tries their luck at original material
But I don't know how to make a reservation
That's easy, you just have to call them
Oh, really
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, so here, let's try calling
Beep boop beep boop beep
Ring ring ring
Hello, this is Kisuikan's
Head hostess, Hakubei
Whatever about your name, Hakubei
It's spelled with the kanji Shiro (白) and Taira (平)
I don't really care about the "Shiro" or "Taira"
That's a lot
I'd like to make a reservation for my family of three this weekend
Too many
Is that so? Then I'd like to confirm your reservation
Okay
Chiben Wakayama High School Baseball Club, 80 people
No, that's wrong!
Would you be interested in our all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet?
No, I don't need that!
Thank you very much!
Not ONE of those jokes landed
Because of your beads!!
T/N: He's referring the the Buddhist prayer bead bracelets.
That had nothing to do with it
They look like a wallet chain that hangs
From your back pocket
He wore them
Not like him
I really hate thwose!!
Nailed it
"Hate thwose??"
What the hell is "thwose"!?
We were so nervous
Chidori
Bus Joke Compilation
The last entry is...
Newspaper Agency
Hello?
Breach of manners: Talking on the bus
What?
Are you an idiot?
Hey hey, that's awful of you
Talking on the phone in a bus!!
Stop that
From the back, a middle-aged salaryman appears...
That's not cool
Seriously?
At the time, known as a victim of street violence
Shinya Owada
T/N: Shinya Owada is a famous actor, voice actor, and narrator.
I already told you to be quiet
Say it louder
Oh Akira!
Takeshi!
Somehow I've been caught up
With some weird geezer
Owada gets caught up with a delinquent for warning about manners
Oi, old man! What business you got wit Akira?
In a train, using a phone... I mean a bus
I'm saying that you can't use a phone
Shut up old man
Shut up with your damn blabbering!!
Come on old man!!
We were just discussing it
Discussing!?
I told you, just discussing!
What the hell is up with you!?
Let's stop this
Shut it stupid!!
I said shut up!!
You wanna have a go at it, huh?
Yeah, let's go
Let's go
Then... Follow me!!
Owada escapes!!
OUCH!!
Oh, ouch, ouch
Ow, ow, ow
He got got
Twisted his foot
His leg went limp!
It did! It did!
His leg went limp didn't it
That was scary
Then... Follow me!!
OUCH!!
Then... Follow me!!
OUCH!!
Owada Shinya
Out of the five, who got the most laughs?
Rules
Calculation is: times butts were hit = points
If all 5 hit at once: 5 points
Right
If one was hit that's one time
Got it
If all 5 were hit that's 5 times
When Daichi was on, Hosei was really into it
Tsuyoshi Kusanagi
Mao Daichi
Umemiya Tatsuo
Chidori
Owada Shinya
When Daichi was on, Hosei was really into it
I was, really
Yeah
I think she did well with
Just Yamasaki then
She earned her income just from Hosei
Basically, I like funny faces
Got it
It was blow after blow
It was Daichi's funny faces so I couldn't resist
That's irresistable
It was Daichi's funny faces so I couldn't resist
And Hamada, Umemiya's one
Right
That was a shock
Well, yeah, on that
Yeah it was
Koyabu was great
In that way
I'm amazed he actually did it
He was really talking crap
"Your laugh lines are all rolled up"
From this side
Never heard that expression before
Ridiculous
When Chidori was on we didn't laugh that much
We could see that you were really nervous
That's understandable
It's because there's a certain structure to these things
There's a nature to the work
Yes, the work
You don't have to follow
The rhythm of our jokes isn't just bam, bam
We make you laugh with a pop and then bang
That's our aim
At any rate Chidori is in the list
By the way I have a follow-up story
From Shinya Owada
Shinya Owada's Follow-up
Directors at drama shoots
Always tease me with,
"That was your funniest work, Shinya."
It made that strong of an impact
These are the members
Please bet, go ahead!
Who made them laugh the most?
Tsuyoshi Kusanagi
Mao Daichi
Umemiya Tatsuo
Chidori
Owada Shinya
Here it is
Here we go
Kimura, you're on number 1, Kusanagi
Number 1, yes
50,000 Heipo chips. Why him?
Yes
When I watched, I really liked Kusanagi's turn
So I worked up the courage and put down 50,000 Heipo
So you bet that much more
I worked up the courage
And Matsumoto you put down a lot, 100,000 Heipo
Well, it's the first round so I thought I'd go for it
And there was the shock of Kusanagi appearing
That's right
Owada's was
After he left the bus, so...
That was a big laugh
Hamada, you also went with Kusanagi
It was either him or Daichi
Three and up are nothing
Only 2 real choices
There are only 2 real choices but
If I went with Daichi, it's not so good, but Kusanagi's more recent
He had more impact like he just said
How about Hosei?
What a bet!
That's a huge bet! 200,000 Heipo
I have a ton of confidence
Because you laughed a lot?
Yeah, I laughed a ton, And it was really dense
Daichi's time was the shortest, But in that time it was going super fast
That makes sense
The amount is amazing
Definitely
Endo, you also went with Kusanagi
I did 100,000 Heipo
Ah, 100,000
I think we laughed at everything he did
He was basically perfect
And Tanaka
70,000
For Daichi
Everyone's focused on 1 and 2
Here are the results!
This is a fateful results announcement!
Starting now!
We don't need this
What's up?
Whether you are correct
I want to get this over with
Or out, you will be split between heaven and hell!
But you don't know that, since you haven't seen the results yet!
Do it already
Well then
The answer is...
That's how it was huh
Alright, here we go!
Go go go
No way
Seriously
Which will it be, Umemiya or Kusanagi? 1 or 3?
What a difference
There was that big of a gap?
The correct answer is number 1, Kusanagi
Kimura
Matsumoto
Hamada
Hosei
Endo
Tanaka
Hosei, this hurts doesn't it?
Didn't you go a little hard?
Did you see that!?
That hurts!
This is serious
This is bad!
This is pretty bad
We now have a large gap
Let me give an excuse for Chidori's performance
During manzai we don't stop
Our procedure was to not let the "DUN DUN!" stop the segment
Even if we laugh
Because we wanted you to laugh exactly
When we wunn you to, that's why it's only 10
"When we wunn you to," okay
I messed that up, of coursh
You're messing up a lot today
Seriously
Like it's wound up and tied with string
Unexpected Big Name Compilation
Next, those super-big people appear in...
The Unexpected Big Name Compilation
The first one is...
Enthusiastic Teachers
Doctor
Doctor!
This is the person
Introduced as the Madonna doctor
Hisako Manda
T/N: Hisako Manda is a famous actress. She also competed in the Miss Universe contest in 1978 to represent Japan.
Madonna Doctor
She was incredible
This is Hisako speaking
My manager went and got me a role,
On a New Year's Eve special program.
But when I looked at the details,
It was actually an unbelievably disgraceful job
It's not a disgraceful job...
This is Hisako speaking
Even though it's such a disgraceful job,
I only get about the same meager pay as Yaku Mitsuru
T/N: Yaku Mitsuru is a manga artist. His mangas aren't mainstream and his art style is more caricature-like. Because of this, he is probably not that successful.
She's got a lot to say
Hisako Manda
She really said a ton
Unexpected Big Name Compilation
Next is...
Youthful High School
Oh, it's last year?
Yes, last year
Yuki Amami
Superintendent
Plays Maya Akutsu in the drama "The Queen's Classroom"
T/N: "The Queen's Classroom" is a Japanese drama about Maya Akutsu, who is a stoic and strict teacher who punishes her students in unorthodox ways.
Yeah, she was great
Guys, this is Superintendent Akutsu, now, introduce yourselves
Hosei you start
Okay
Um, I'm Tsukite-
That won't be necessary
There's still more to come
I have already found out at least your names
Hamada's first girlfriend was
The girl with flowing hair, ABC-ko
How the hell?!?
It's from middle school
From middle school?
Do you know the rhythm of the samba?
Why??
Let's get excited for the new year, everyone!
HO HO HOI! HO HO HOI! Ba-dum bum!
That's enough
Exactly what is funny about that?
Yuuki Amami
Unexpected Big Name Compilation
The third person is...
What's this one?
Enthusiastic Teachers
Headmaster!!
He's making us all stupid
Here I am! Here I am! Here I am!
School Headmaster
Naoto Takenaka
T/N: Naoto Takenaka is a famous Japanese actor. Some of his works include The Way of the Househusband (live action), Nodame Cantabile, Samurai Gourmet, and more.
It made it in, here it is
This is pretty funny
Incredible
Uodada bish-bash tatataata
WHAT DO YOU THINK!?
Headmaster's Special Interview
What's with that?
What's your problem!?
There's no way we can not laugh at this
WHAT IS IT!?
What is he on about?
This isn't right. This can't be right
This was incredible
It's impossible to NOT laugh!
SIT DOWN NOW!!
There?
I know that already
All of a sudden
Don't mess with me, you fool!
I'm laughing and angry all at once
Takenaka Naoto
Unexpected Big Name Compilation
The last person is...
Airport
CA Trainer Appears
Oh, the CA Trainer
Yeah, I remember this one
CA Trainer
Keiko Takahashi
T/N: Keiko Takahashi is an actress who has appeared in several films like Chanto Tsutaeru, as well as TV shows like Tokugawa Ieyasu.
AHHHHHHHH!!
Oh, Takahashi, right
Matsumoto is holding it in
I'm Takahashi Keiko
Appearing on a damn variety show on New Year's Eve
Wearing a damn bondage outfit
Who the hell is it?
IT'S ME!!
You must be Tanaka
Has anything exciting happened lately?
No, well, just the usual...
NEVER MIND!!
He sleeps then gets up
He goes to work in his used Volvo
He gets a low pay
Secondhand Volvo
He eats a lunch box
He smokes cigarettes
He comes home, goes to sleep, and wakes up again
Again, goes to work in his used Volvo
WHAT A POINTLESS LIFE!!
She says such mean things
You two
You receive
You receive a damn big paycheck
Complaining that dramas are tiring
Or saying my knee hurts
Who do you think you are!
You sure are ugly, huh
That timing
YOU
DAMN PIG!!
She really lays it on
Then, I'll show you
Using her body to show must-do's for every CA
Keep your eyes open
I remember this, this was really somehitng
Are you serious?
Teacher, it's okay
T/N: "The Inugami Family" is a movie from 1976 with a remake in 2006.
INUGAMI FAMILY!!
She couldn't do it at all
Wait, wait
Teacher
Takahashi Keiko
Wow, this is really hard
Who of the four made them laugh the most?
Hisako Manda
Yuuki Amami
Takenaka Naoto
Takahashi Keiko
So, we have our four entries
Takenaka's raging waves tactic was incredible
Definitely
His numbers were, too
Yeah, they were
He was crazy
Exactly
This is hard
Yes it is
Yeah it is
We now have a follow-up story from Manda
Follow-up from Hisako Manda
The reaction I got after appearing
Was on a level I hadn't gotten since I was chosen
To be Miss Universe Japan.
Really, that far back?
That's amazing
At New Year's parties since then,
I always get requests,
"Please do the Hiroshi act for us!"
That sounds about right
Hisako Manda
Yuuki Amami
Takenaka Naoto
Takahashi Keiko
Kimura, do you have a particular one that sticks in your memory?
Amami being the commanding lead is what I like
T/N: Endo and Hosei end up doing the Samba Rhythm Ho-Ho-Hoi dance after the clip they showed of Amami.
The Samba Rhythm that the two does after that part
Rhythm
I love that part
Of course
Do you know what we do besides Samba Rhythm?
What do we do besides Samba Rhythm
There was another
You do Samba Rhythm with Endo right
Endo does Samba Rhythm, and Yamasaki does something else
I do Samba Rhythm
He does that
Ho-ho-hoi, right? Is that also Samba Rhythm?
Endo does that, right
That's Endo
And then Hosei does...
Then, one more
I think that is common knowledge
How sad!
No one remembers
Hosei's gag "Maa" was also performed
No one remembers this common knowledge
It's fine, totally fine
Because it's his gag right?
The gag "Maa"
Maa?
She doesn't remember it at all
Maa!?
You reacted like you've never heard of it
Nice parroting
We have a follow-up from Amami as well
Follow-up from Yuuki Amami
After appearing, I got praise
From Tomokazu Miura, who said
"Your part was the funniest."
I pretty much got a feel for doing it
So while I still have it,
Please let me have another go.
Why the hell?
"The feel for it"
By the way recently,
On another program Eiko Koike asked Amami
That happened
About the color of her nipples and she got really pissed
That would piss anyone off
There are some things you don't ask
I asked Koike about it, she said, Amami didn't reply to her for a while
She really was pissed
Sounds like she was pissed
That'll happen
All right everyone, who got the most laughs? Go ahead and bet for their number please
Who made them laugh the most?
I think this is gonna be hard
This is hard
Feeling unsure about this
This is hard
There's gonna be a split here
Hisako Manda
Yuuki Amami
Takenaka Naoto
Takahashi Keiko
Matsumoto bets 100,000 Heipo on Takenaka
Hamada bets 100,000 Heipo on Amami, right
Yes!
Hosei also bets on Amami for 50,000 Heipo, right
Yes!
Endo bets on Takenaka, 50,000 Heipo, right
Yes!
Tanaka bets on Takenaka...
60,000 Heipo
Really cutting it fine there
You gotta go for it more!!
Your betting style is like a used Volvo
Shut it! Hey! Hey! That's rude
New ones go for 10 years right?
I'm betting 60,000 Heipo
Oh, Kimura, are you confident?
Kimura, are you confident?
Yes
100,000 Heipo on Yuuki Amami
Since I remember laughing until my sides hurt
Aha
Okay then, here is the correct answer
Are you all really okay with your picks?
You can't change your answers, since there's a time limit
Anyone who wants to change their choice raise your hand, nope, you can't
You can't change! Okay, please take a look
The correct answer is...
If you had to say which one?
I'm feeling that the two in the middle are gonna battle it out
I think that'll be the case, yes
How will Takenaka do
Yes! Yes! Yes
Darn it!
Let's go!
Boo-yah!!
All right!
She blew the others out of the water!
The clear winner
And by that much, too
The correct answer was Yuuki Amami with a commanding lead of 82 times
By that much!
And Takenaka was the worst?
Yeah, that was unexpected
It's like, he was going "aaahhh"
And just joking around by himself, right?
I guess so
We did laugh though
There weren't many breaks between hits
Right, exactly
There wasn't really a story behind it
Oh, that makes sense
This is risky
Kimura
Matsumoto
Hamada
Hosei
Endo
Tanaka
Yay!
Kimura and Hamada
I should have gone for it a little more...
Hosei, this was it. You could have made a comeback!
Yeah
Exactly
The next question is about extra scenes
Extra Scenes Compilation
Put in your answer, go with your gut and bet
You must enter an answer, not their ranking
So keep that in mind when watching!
And here we go Gaki Vegas!
Extra scenes
These famous extra scenes also happened! The first one is...
Science Lab
Welcome
Excuse me
There he is
Party of one? Come on over to the counter
Jimmy Onishi
Yes
I love him
I love Jimmy
Jimmy was made to drink a lot of alcohol at a bar and slept like a log
I remember this