Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: Conjyak BabyStand solar Zebestt sonjeigo photodiode GakiNoSuitGuy AshAbs funtonite Typesetters: Small Carl Adilofax Sacro Dudedafool carebu samsamuel Nigel Amria Textualpoacher kannibleklown Nojiko Caleb Barrett Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: John Dread Ecksdee Elestriel Moocau
Oh, a graduation ceremony
Gymnasium
This is a first
Your seats are in front
It's true
Wow, amazing
It's amazing
Reiwa Era Year One
Prefectural Heipo Omamegaoka High School
Graduation Certificate Award Ceremony
Congratulations
Isn't it amazing?
Wow, it is a real graduation ceremony
Academic Director
Daikichi Hakata
T/N: Daikichi Hakata is a comedian and actor. He also regularly appears in this segment.
Before we begin the ceremony, I have an important announcement for everybody
Actually, there has been an incident in our school
Where a teacher has sustained a grave injury in an accident
A teacher sustained grave injury in an accident
According to the police, it seems that the crime scene
Had this
Golf ball on the ground
According to the police, this golf ball
The teacher sustained grave injury from getting hit by the golf ball
Had injured the teacher
So, everyone
Be careful
And enjoy the brief remaining time of your school life
Well then,
We shall now start the graduation ceremony
Mr. Daikichii!!
Yes?
Huh? Really?
Everybody, the injured teacher has finished undergoing medical treatment
And has now returned to school
The injured teacher returns to school
Let's hear what he has to say
Teacher, if you please!
God
damn!!
Of course
So that was the build up to this
The one who was met with tragedy
P.E. Teacher
Chono Masahiro
So something was up with that
Geez
Yeah
I suppose there's no way this wouldn't happen
HEY!!
Who here in this school
played golf inside the building!?
Confess!!
The culprit is definitely among these people here. OY!!
That culprit is someone who is really bad at golf
The culprit is someone who is really bad at golf
How about that!?
Show yourself!!
Um...
The 5 sitting in the front row there
Were in the school premises at that time, right?
They were in the school premises !!
Are you bad at golf? Or are you good at it?
I think everyone here's not very good at it !!
HEY!!
Mr. Chono will start his own investigation to find the culprit
Going to play dumb, huh?
Today is our precious graduation ceremony, got it?
There is definitely one person among you who is a liar
Stand up
Are you an honest person?
Yes
Hey
Was it you who did it?
It was not me
Who is lying?
Wait...
HEY!!
What?
I have no idea what that means
Always happens
In the classroom, did this guy play golf?
Yes
No
I have not played any golf at all
HEY YOU!!
He's lying!!
Just be honest about it
Who's he talking about?
That's right
Hey, wait a second!!
If you know something, then say it!!
It was because Shingo showed me his panties
What are you talking about?
What the heck is he saying?
An idiot
That's definitely right
None of you can be trusted
Eh? What?
HEY! Bring that out!!
What?
What in the world?
They bring out a 7 meter long golf putting course
This is not a game nor is it golf
This is a verification of the case!!
If you can do a hole-in-one, you're not the culprit!!
The ones who can do a hole-in-one
And thus are good at golf are innocent
Oh man, this is...
If a person misses, he's the culprit!!
The one who can't do a hole-in-one is the culprit
Are you serious?
This is going to be quite tough...
This year is also tough
Endo!!
Yes
Verification 1 Endo
Come with me
This is nerve-wrecking
What, seriously?
Okay, you can start, Endo!!
Right
I'm starting
Okay, hit it gently
Gently... Swing the putter
All right!
This is just too...
I'm nervous
Seriously?
Good, nice and gentle
Please go in
That's it!
It's floating?
Get in the hole! C'mon! Go!
It went in
I did it!
Endo proves his innocence
Wonderful
Amazing skill! As expected!!
Thank you
Amazing skill! As expected!!
The next person is
Verification 2 Hamada
Okay, Hamada, you're up
Good luck
Of course Hosei would make that face
If you miss, you're the culprit!! Get it?
I felt really numb
Clear your mind!!
Right
Is this okay?
Do it!!
Oh, wonderful
What?
This looks to be taking a different line!?
Isn't the ball floating?
Oh!?
Huh?
Yes!!
Hamada proves his innocence
Wonderful!!
Thank you
It really looked like it stopped
It really seemed like it stopped, but no
It went on a completely different line from yours
Right
Tanaka, come on up!!
Verification 3 Tanaka
Tanaka goes next to prove his innocence
Go to the right, go to the right, go to the right!
Tanaka proves his innocence
He enters the ranks!
Verification 4 Matsumoto
Next to putt is Matsumoto
It should've stopped, what is going on??
It's moving! It's going to be close!
Matsumoto proves his innocence
That was amazing, wasn't it?
You have a keen sense
Thank you
That surprised me
You guys are amazing!
Thank you
It's your turn now
Verification 5 Hosei
You can do it
Yeah
Go with the flow
Yeah
Yeah, with how things are going
Yeah
Good luck!!
All right
Clear your mind!!
Yeah
Let's go!!
All right, let's go!!
Hit it gently
That's about it. Yeah
Gently... Oh that's good! Looks like it'd go in!
What!?
Hosei!!
There's just no way
So that's it
Wow, that was close
Yeah, it was close
I think so too
That was quite close!
That was not it at all!!
It followed the line up until that point...
I told you, right?
Yeah
Hosei cannot prove his innocence
It just spun round and round... What the hell was that?!
Hosei cannot prove his innocence
There's got to be a problem with your putting!
No! Something about that was strange!
You saw it yourself!!
How did something like that happen?
How would I know that
HEY!! Come here!!
The investigation drags on onstage
Confess with honesty!
"I'm the one who did it, I'm very sorry"
First, answer honestly
I putted an orange ball
So you're the culprit then
Hosei is the culprit
Huh? Wait!!
What is it?
It's not what
You were faking it, right!?
I just heal fast!!
Be more honest now
You understand?
Today is your graduation ceremony, it's a day of celebration
Look!! Look at everyone's faces! They're joyful about graduating
Your one mistake
Was about to ruin the ceremony
We have to start again. It's a slap!!
Why is he laughing?
Why did you laugh?
Seriously
Hey
The culprit will be slapped!!
Yeah
I'm gonna give it my all
Alright! Yes! No!
I'm ready! Wait stop!!
Alright! Stop!! Don't do it!!
Stand straight!
Tell you what, I'll give you a chance
Will you take it?
I'll take it!!
Hey! Bring it out!!
Coming!
A chance to escape the slap
Mr. Chono, here are today's leftovers
Thank you very much
What?
Lunch leftovers are 2 bottles of milk
If you drink these two milk bottles, I'll let you off the hook!!
Seriously?
If he chugs both milk bottles he's saved
However
You have to chug them, one after the other
Don't take too much time
Got it
I'll drink it!!
Will you?
Alright!
You finally became a man!!
Now drink up!!
Are you ready?
Yes
Alright!
Start!!
Alright, don't spill
Alright, faster!
One down!
Next one!
Alright! Here we go!
Hey! Lift it up properly!
What the hell are you doing?
That's crazy
Hurry up and drink it already!
Go!
That amount is too much
Hey!
Faster!
He's going for it!!
Alright! Go! Go! Go! Alright!
Amazing! Alright!
Come on, do it!!
Plenty leftover!!
Such a mess!
That's disgusting, you pig
Hey!
Don't spill it
Hey!!
You're spilling, it's over
You spilled
Hosei failed the challenge
Somebody clean the mess!
Alright! Let's go!!
Hosei
Slap punishment now underway
The time has come
The milk mostly spilled on the ground
What the hell are you doing?
Urgh
Alright
Even the people behind us were laughing
Let's start the countdown!!
The punishment slap explodes
God
damn!!
I don't want to touch him...
Well it can't be helped
You complain too much
I see
The milk thing was too much
Your shoulder...
It's not over yet~
Eh!?
Well done everybody
That was spectacular
They've assembled
Thank you very much
The 3 of them have gathered
Eh, what?
They're all here
What's going on?
We have something we want to tell you
We gathered here,
This beautiful place, one last time
Please have a seat
The slap wasn't the end?
What's going on?
This was our first time on
The No Laughing Batsu Game
To be honest I was very nervous
But everyone was really warm and welcoming
I was able to have a great time with no worries
We all did our best with everything we had, but
All of you are amazing
All of you are amazing for allowing us to be here
We're very grateful
With that said...
With that said... Until now
With that said... Until now everybody
Worked so hard without giving up
It's been 14 years already
We're really grateful for all your hard work
You guys really have amazing teamwork
You guys are the best
For all you do to make us laugh,
For all you do to make us laugh, with all of our hearts
We're truly grateful
Hosei
Yes
That was the first time I witnessed Chono's slap
It was very impressive
When I was watching that segment I thought
Does he really need to be so against it?
I thought you were just making a big deal out of it...
Watching it live for the first time, for 14 years that slap
Was the burden that you alone had to bear
There is nobody, no human who
What kind of face is that?
He's feeling so moved
He's moved
Can endure the same thing
Everyone shines in a different way
Only Hosei can do it
He can do it because he is Hosei
I think you should be proud
You are a special presence in this world
Finally we have for you
We will sing our song to everyone
This is a song that, to us, is very special
It really is an amazing show,
Therefore I would like to
Therefore I would like to show my appreciation
With this song I will sing for you
What's with the musical arrangement...
T/N: The melody is very similar to SMAP's hit, "Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana" (The One and Only Flower in the World), but the arrangement is slightly different.
T/N: They're reciting the jingle for the "Ippon Manzoku Bar" (One Bar of Satisfaction) which is a chocolate snack bar that Kusanagi (guy on the left) did TV commercials for.
Sa-Sa-Satisfaction
1 Bar of Satisfaction♪
Wrong
Sa-Sa-Satisfaction
1 Bar of Satisfaction♪
Wrong
You're just being silly!!
Sa-
Satisfaction♪
Satisfied with Gaki♪
Sa-
Satisfied♪
Satisfied with Gaki♪
Sa-
Satisfied♪
Satisfied with Gaki♪
Honk
Sa-
Satisfied♪
Satisfied with Gaki♪
Honk
Everyone's Satisfied♪
Everyone in the gymnasium starts to sing♪
Please stop this is all really strange
Honk
What the hell
They're just doing whatever they want now
Honk
They really aren't listening...
Honk
They were just doing whatever, is this alright?
Ah!!
That's enough
I have no idea anymore, none
How did it even get there...
He was there?
No good
What an amazing map
T/N: The fan club for Goro, Tsuyoshi, and Shingo is called "The New Map" (Atarashii Chizu) and so Hosei is making a joke based on that name.
That surprised me
It was kind of moving...
Like was that alright?
Yes
There were so many things happening
20 hours into their school life
On the first Reiwa year they spent the day as high school students
The five men overcame all of those moments of confusion
Finally, the time has come to turn towards the moment of great joy
Alright guys
Your long day of school life is finally over
Hamada, how was it?
Yes
Well we all did alright, but
Concerning Tanaka, a lot has happened
Why are you bringing this up now?
He's faking it definitely
In these recent times
There's someone who can fake it in such an obvious way, there really is
It was admirable
I thought so too
Well, shall we leave?
Yes
Let's go
Well
It's all over right, right?
Though a lot has happened
Front of entrance
Gah, it's cold
It's so cold
Well done everybody!!
Well done!!
Good job
Principal
Heipo
Good job
I'm the principal, Heipo
I would like to celebrate this ending
With a riddle
What?
To everyone?
No?
No riddle?
We didn't say no
We didn't say anything
I never said no
We didn't say no
Then I will give you a riddle
Fine
It's a riddle connected with the school
Haha
Huu huu huu huu
What's so funny?
Really, what's so funny?
Whoa, scary!
Can I leave now? There's a moth
I'm leaving
Let's go
Yeah let's
Let's get on with it
Who cares
The hell was the point
For real, let's get this over with
Times they were smacked in the butt
Hitoshi Matsumoto
Masatoshi Hamada
Shozo Endo
Naoki Tanaka
Hosei Tsukitei
Congratulations!
Happy New Year!
Heipo!
Thank you for your hard work!
Thank you
Good for you! They laughed didn't they?
Yes, but the moth is still scary!
The moth, the moth!
Thanks for everything!
What?
It's all OK!
What's going on?
Life has its ups and downs
Through whatever adversities may come
And things you find outrageous
Stoically endure
Don't be flustered
Calm down
And surely one day
We'll get through this together
Without looking back on the past
Everyone join hands in friendship
Let's face forward and live
That is your way of life
♪ Kore ga Watshi no Ikiru Michi This is My Way of Life
Japan Rugby Team does dramatic acting
Somehow Kusanagi in the nude is actually nice
Ryunosuke gets his lines perfectly
Amami's absurd behavior is super sadistic
And the superintendent's office gets good and chaotic
If Tanaka was faking it, no one would be able to laugh or watch
Even if Kato's riot is done with a skit
We'll laugh and live on
Shiro Ito does a great performance in the bathroom
Chidori argued
The imitations were kinda right
Nanno forgot some of her lines and then a good kick
The scenes with only members were weak
If you fast forward to the handsome one, it's still good
Showing off your panties is a bit worrisome, but
This is the map that I live on
Students yelling from the rooftop were great
That must've hurt, a crying Hitori, from here on out, let's work together
The penis gets bigger and bigger
Can't win naturally; Kazushige, don't be a nuisance
The baby gorilla from the drawer was great
Tetsuya really joked around a lot,
Chono appeared this year too, that was great
The first New Year's Eve of Reiwa
If we put the comedians first, from here on out, it'll be great
This one is definitely faking it
No I'm not!
Great compilation!
After this an important announcement
What a compilation
You were really targeted there
No, I really wasn't faking!
During this VTR we passed into a new year
Oh, really?
Happy New Year!
So Matsumoto, how was this one for you?
Somehow I got through it without getting worn out
It was different from the other ones
Yeah
This time there was that too!
The slap
You're really bad at putting
What are you saying?
That was only you!
No it wasn't!
Things like this happen
Yes, right
You're actually the best one in the group, right?
Hey, what kind of-
They used a machine!
It completely stopped,
The ball
Well, then, please continue to support Gaki no Tsukai in 2020
Thank you very much!
Everything shown was fictional
Including names, institutions, buildings and so forth.