Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: Conjyak BabyStand solar Zebestt sonjeigo photodiode GakiNoSuitGuy AshAbs funtonite Typesetters: Small Carl Adilofax Sacro Dudedafool carebu samsamuel Nigel Amria Textualpoacher kannibleklown Nojiko Caleb Barrett Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: John Dread Ecksdee Elestriel Moocau
The last night of the first year of the Reiwa era
T/N: Japan uses eras based on the emperor's reign. Emperor Akihito abdicated the throne in 2019 for the first time in Japanese history since 1817 to his son, Naruhito. Thus the end of the Heisei era and the beginning of the Reiwa era.
It was a tough school
This person actually appeared
It's rather different from previous years
It's the one which has surprised me the most so far
Fitting for it being the last
Provoked into the depths of suppressed emotions
You made me wait too long!!
The greatest and strongest
This year's No Laughing has the
Assassins of Laughter
The show's greatest and strongest assassins of laughter!
Appearance!!
Unexpected people appear one after another!
This is kinda bad!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Continuous surprises unlike the others in this No Laughing series!
No Laughing...
No laughing...
This year's theme...
Don't you want to join Yoshimoto?
We don't!!
No Laughing Youthful High School
...is Youthful High School!
The forbidden routine unsealed
That forbidden routine is finally unsealed
You guys ain't recording right?
This really toed the line!!
New Segment Escape Game
New segment: the Escape Game from Hell!
Scary punishments
The five are attacked by scary punishments!
Downtown doing a manzai routine for the first time in 30 years
And for some reason, Downtown will do a manzai routine for the first time in 30 years?!
Chono Slap
The customary Chono slap has some big changes!
with Big Changes
I'll give you a chance
I'll take it
Even now during Reiwa era,
Even on Reiwa era's New Year's Eve it's all comedy for 6 hours
We'll make them laugh in this showdown!
This is hell
New Year's Eve Special
Absolutely No Laughing Youthful High School 24 Hours!
Absolutely No Laughing
Youthful
High School 24 Hours
Downtown
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
Good evening!
Tsukitei Hosei
Good evening!
Everyone, there's that title call but
Cocorico
Endo Shouzou
Tanaka Naoki
It's possible they didn't film anything
No, it was filmed
We might even have to do a press conference to apologize
Something like "We didn't film anything this year!"
We did do it properly, for now
It's aired for 14 consecutive years
The No Laughing series
Broadcast on New Year's for 14 consecutive years
Amazing, right?
It's amazing
Well then, Matsumoto
Do I have to do it this time as well?
All right!
If you please
VTR... Over there, that camera
All right, I'll start. Then, I suppose it can't he-helped! Where do I look?
VTR...
You guys ain't recording right?!
T/N: This is a reference to a scandal regarding comedians who were suspended by Yoshimoto Kogyo. Yoshimoto CEO Okamoto said this phrase when informing them of their suspension as a joke, but it fell flat as they took it to be him exerting pressure on them.
Yes they are
They're recording
No Laughing Youthful High School
The morning of the beginning
The soft light of the sun
announces a challenge to the men
It's freezing...
Poot
You farted, Hamada
Seriously.
It's only been 2 seconds since it started
The sound was like that of a walrus
Seriously
I was being serious
We're so far away, they can't even pick up the sound
That's really not the point
No, no, they can hear it
Sounds like when the parent walrus protects its child
That one's really angry then
Yeah, seriously
"Wait here"
Well, it's the same as always
Right
We'll wait...
No, no. Well, we'll wait but...
We've seen it over a dozen times already
I already feel tired
I just got here, but I'm already tired
Already complaining
It's been a year already. Time sure flies
The field is currently being used for rugby practice
T/N: The 2019 Rugby World Cup was held in Japan where the Japanese National Team surprisingly made it to quarterfinals despite all odds.
Well, well
So this year's rugby...
Right
This year, yeah, they did rugby. It was exciting
It was good
Hey!
Oh... I knew it
Heeey!!
Many things have happened recently
So many things happened I wondered how it would go
You're the person who appeared at the press conference right?
T/N: This is referring to the press conference held by Yoshimoto Kogyo (the company who employs Japan's top comedians, including Downtown) about the suspended comedians over a scandal involving a crime group.
Downtown's former manager
Fujiwara Hiroshi
It was good
We watched it
Everyone, I'm glad you came here this year as well
He didn't touch on it at all
He completely ignored what we said
He won't talk about that
Leaving that aside... Wait a little
I don't think it's something to be left aside
Gather here!!
Gather here!
Fall in line!
The rugby players?
Rugby's pretty popular at the moment
So is he the teacher?
Huh?!
I think he's the coach
Coach?
Everyone, gather here!
Huh?!
Wha- No way?!
They're the real deal!!
T/N: These guys are actual players from the Japanese National Team for rugby.
Wow, amazing!!
No, no... What's this?
Surely there's a more meaningful way to incorporate you guys?!
A gathering of Japan's National Team rugby players
Whoa, this is amazing!
This is so extravagant!
Hey, you guys!!
Do you understand why I'm angry?
This year's... No
I said it wrong
That was wrong?!
Pft!!
This quickly? Honestly...
What the hell...
Do you understand why I'm angry?!
It's not because you lost the match
That "it doesn't matter" attitude...
Huh?
It's because I can't forgive that part of your hearts, you fools
In this year's World Cup
Was it like that?
you did a great job being in the Best 8 for the first time in history
But y'know
This is amazing
They're like idols
In the match against South Africa, your score was 3 to 26
This is taking a long time
Who cares about what you have to say?
Don't you find that frustrating?
We do
Right?
It's started
Then, release your frustration
Amazing
Release your frustration using comedy
What the hell?
Inagaki, come here
He doesn't laugh
Right, that's Mr. Inagaki
T/N: Inagaki has an incredibly serious and stoic expression, so he's known as "The Man Who Doesn't Laugh" in Japan.
Man Who Doesn't Laugh
Inagaki Keita
You're known as 'The Man Who Doesn't Laugh'
I'll test to see if you really don't laugh no matter how funny it gets
Now,
I'll be doing the most awesome joke so
Try to hold in your laughter
Here I go
Cha Cha Mambo Chacha Mambo
Bang Bang
Bang
He's an idiot
That's Kanpei-san
That's Master Kanpei's joke
Bang! Bang! Bang Bang Bang!
Why aren't you laughing?
He must be angry
He must be angry instead
That was the joke and the punchline
I told you not to laugh, but you should've understood that you should've laughed. Enough
You can go back
Thanks...
T/N: The way he said "thanks" was a very informal and shortened way of saying it, like he isn't taking it seriously. Similar to "thx".
He really doesn't laugh
He doesn't laugh...
Yeah
Tanaka, come here
The Small Giant
Tanaka Fumiaki
Oh here he is
I heard
that your wife's a former athlete
And that she's quite beautiful
Yes
You're not being humble at all?
Y-you're on NTV's prime time on New Year's Eve...
He's especially awful today
Oh... What was your wife's name?
This year is really...
It's Tomomi
What the...
Don't forget your lines!
He forgot what he was supposed to say
During NTV's...
prime time on New Year's eve
He's nervous
"Tomomi, I love you!" Let's have you shout that okay?
What the hell?
It won't end until you say that
That's a fairly unreasonable request
Tomomi, I love you!!
Wow, so loudly
She's probably watching
Amazing...
Aren't you embarassed?!
Fine, you may go
He's pretty slow at retorting!!
He was made to say it
He should have retorted more forcefully
Horie, come here
Yes
Captain Dreads
Horie Shouta
You're known for your dreads, Horie
Speaking of the dreads hairstyle, there's another famous person who had it, right? Who is it?
That would be Bob Marley
Wrong!!
The correct answer is...
That guy who was confused about his TV persona in 2017, Ryuchell
T/N: Ryuchell is a TV personality and model
Ryuchell??
He did used to look like that...
You get it, right?
I understand
What the hell does that mean?
Does he really understand?
Let's have you do a Cheru Cheru Beam shall we?
T/N: Cheru Cheru Beam is Ryuchell's signature move.
Cheru Cheru Beam
What?
Your beam's too intense!
"Beam's too intense..." No, it's your fault...
Is it really okay to treat them like this?
What he said
I feel so sorry for them
Now, Fukuoka
Yes
I heard about you
Mr. Scholar Sportsman
Fukuoka Kenki
I hear you're going to retire after the Tokyo Olympics,
enter a medical school, and aim to become a doctor?
Is that true?
Yes
During the World Cup, you gained a valuable experience, and you're smart
You're a superman
Thank you
After you've become a doctor
A tong-twistie about doctors...
I'll teach you a tongue twister
You definitely can't mess it up
Yeah, that's right
He stumbled those words
His explanation...
How can you stumble over "tongue twister"...
It's "A magician is in the art room doing surgery"
T/N: In Japanese, it's pronounced as, "Majutsushi bijutsushitsude shujutsuchuu". That was hard to even type.
Try saying it 3 times in a row
He didn't trip over his words just now
That's gotta be hard
A magician is in the art room doing surgery
Wow, amazing
What are you doing by actually managing to do it?
You're breaking the formula of comedy y'know
It's embarassing
You can go back
How high is his position of authority in comedy supposed to be?
You guys actually dare come here with just that level of comedic ability
Don't you want to join Yoshimoto?
We don't!!
They said it so clearly
Then, us too
Many things have happened at Yoshimoto Kogyo
With just average abilities, it's hard to improve the public's impression of Yoshimoto
Is that really okay?
No, it's not!!
That's right
I see
You guys and your rotten spirit of comedy
I'll beat it into you from the beginning
Starting now, I will punch you guys!!
First up, Matsuda. Come here!
Genius Kicker
Matsuda Rikiya
Yes!
Isn't this going to be problematic?
With my fist, I will beat it into you. Are you ready?
I am!!
All right, here I come
It'll depend on how he reacts
That's totally Ikeno Medaka
T/N: Ikeno Medaka is a veteran comedian who is very short in height. His famous skit is similar to this where he tries to fight someone who is bigger without any results.
All right. Today's totay...
I'll let you off with just that
Wow, really?
What the hell!
They fell!!
T/N: Falling is a standard reaction in Japanese comedy when something silly happens. Often seen in comedy anime.
We're really sorry
That was awful!
You guys sure fell nicely
It starts on Sunday right? You may leave
Rugby Top League
Starts January 12(Sunday)
Thank you very much!
Extravagant
What extravagant guests
It was amazing
Perhaps they practised falling. Their backs are dirty
Did they practice?
They must have
He's really bad today about remembering his lines
Yeah. I agree
How's that... Hosei
Wha?
It was great, wasn't it?
Ahh.. Yes it was great... The National Team was brilliant
Well...
You're wrong!
It's youth! YOUTH!
Well with that
This year's theme is Youthful High School!
Whaat...
Youthful High School?
...High school?
Going back to school...
We're completely...
Going back to where we started
24 Hour High School Lifestyle Challenge
Era of Youthful High School Students
And so, back to the era of Youthful High School as students, they're challenged with 24 hours of the student lifestyle
They use that same photo every single time, don't they?
Isn't that photo just horrible!?
You say you're high schoolers, what are you doing in those clothes?
I just asked that
Over there a change of clothes is waiting for you
Hey, I just asked that
You're so annoying
Prep.. pre... What's with those clothes?!
You're meant to be high schoolers
What is with you?
If we wore high school uniforms from the start it'd be weird, wouldn't it?
Yeah
Well we don't know
Yeah!
Yeah
We don't know
Yeah let's keep going
From now on, high schoolers... YOU GUYS!!
Panic...
Okay that's enough
What were you expecting?
Panic...
It's been a while...
He was really out of his rhythm there
He was, wasn't he
Oh! It's different
Oh you're right
The order?
It'll depend on which way it opens
Yes
Yes, from the way it opens...
Yes, but...
Change of clothes complete
change ofclothes complete
Change of clothes complete
Are you all ready?
I'll have you all to come out in order
Hosei, you first
Oh, Hosei
Aren't you cute?
Thank you
You could easily pass as a real high schooler
You're adorable!
Thanks
Endo, you're next
Very manly, just as I thought
High school girls won't be able to keep themselves away
Thank you!
Alright! Next is Tanaka
Very intelligent, looking very smart
Thank you!
Looking good
Alright, Hamada!
Oh
The same bobbed style wig used every time
Again?
You're right on the borderline of the school regulations
You prepared your own wig again
This isn't mine, you know
"Your own wig..."
It's your own wig if you've come this far with it
It seems like it
It's not
You really should stop
Alright, Matsumoto come on out!
That's super tight
You look like you're about to burst
What is this?
A uniform that emphasizes Matsumoto's muscles
It's a bit tight...
It's gross...
Is... That supposed to be a gakuran?
T/N: Gakuran is the standard uniform for high school boys which is styled after Western clothing. It is usually a long sleeved black uniform with large buttons and a high collar.
It's so gross...
Is it that bad?
It's skin-tight, looks like a wetsuit
It's not a stretchy fabric
What is this?
It looks so hard to move in...
You want to show off your muscles that much?
It was there so I put it on...
Oh so it's like that?
What is this?
Ok so everyone's ready
No laughing rules
During school life,
you must not laugh
The rules are simple: While you live out your school life, you must not laugh. That is all
There's a bus station over there
So let's go to school, shall we?
There's no hats this time
Getting closer to the start, tensions rise
Let's wait here
It's here, the bus is here
It's so bright...
It's here...
It's here
Prefectural... Heipo...
...Omamegaoka?
It's so plain every year
Yes it is, like...
Omamegaoka High School
Let's get on
This umm... Ok?
Heipo Omamegaoka High School
This is the school we're going to
This bus that depicts the founding school principal,
Heipo
Heading to Omamegaoka High School
Let's all just get on the bus together
This year
One person alone getting on, in many ways, it doesn't feel right
Ok then, let's all get on
Here we go
Absolutely No Laughing Youthful High School 24 Hours
Nope
What?
No! No!
No! No one was riding!
You got on it!
You rode it!
You were riding!
This is too much!
I even got on for you guys
I even rode it for a second for you guys
No, not in this underwear!!
Yeah
That'd really hurt...
Advance!
Why did that happen?
If they laugh, their butts will get smacked
If you ride it, you've already started
Yeah...
So if we ride it, we've already started...
Right now only you have started
I said let's ride the bus together
Fine,
You don't need to wait there!!
I really hate the fact that he thinks there's going to be another chance
He's in camouflage and yet he's so visible
Let's just get on
Ok, ok
He's laughing! He's laughing!
He's so laughing!
You were so laughing
I was not
He laughed just then
He was totally laughing just now
He was so laughing
Hurry get on the bus. Look
Well I already laughed so...
Shall we get on?
I will get on
Alright
Everyone START
Departing for school, what lies ahead!?
Well at least the weather was really great
Yes, it's very nice
It's the kind of day you'd take a picture for a pamphlet
The first act is this unexpected person!!
Super famous person
I wanted to meet under normal circumstances!
The first act is this unexpected person
Arrival at the bus station
Arrival atthe busstation
Arrival at the bus station
Hi
Mysterious Man
Kotoge Eiji
From now I'm going to take part in the bus joke, but
But the joke is a bit too aggressive
It's frankly scary
By the way,
Do you know what kind of joke this is?
Hamada?
Well, you're holding the film clapper
So something about a drama or movie?
...Drama or movie. Matsumoto?
Well...
Maybe a variety show?
Ok variety
Well actually, in fact,
Ze... Director Muranishi's...
Director Muranishi's works
Topic this year! Joke about Director Muranishi being too aggressive
T/N: Director Toru Muranishi is an infamous Japanese adult video director. He is known as "the dirtiest of the industry's dirty old men" and "Emperor of Porn".
Kotoge's Anxiety
It became quite the topic this year,
But the joke was a bit too much...
Wait, will this be ok?
I know, I'm worried too, but
But because there's someone who wants to do it no matter what,
would you be willing to watch it?
Ok come on in!
Thank you for waiting!!
I may have made you wait too long
NO WAY!!
Seriously!?
Director Muranishi is unexpectedly played by Tsuyoshi Kusanagi
T/N: Tsuyoshi Kusanagi was one of the members of one of the most famous Japanese boy bands, SMAP. They disbanded in 2016 due to leaving the Johnny & Associates agency, but the members still remain active in the media.
Kotoge's Anxiety #2
This one was really surprising
It's too weird
Too soon!
You're an idiot!!
I have come back to Nippon TV!
T/N: Nippon TV is the broadcasting station that Gaki no Tsukai is on.
I didn't think you could!
You have such a great expression
Very nice, very nice
It's been a while, having this kind of reunion
Why do I have to get hit for this?!
Long time reunion, but only has underwear on
Kotoge's Anxiety #3
That was rough, wasn't it?
Don't say, "Nice!"
Isn't this television?
Isn't this over the air television?
Oh, it's you, Macchan! Oh, it's you, Hama-chan
It's been so long, having this kind of...
I wanted to meet normally
No, this isn't it!
Ah, this atmosphere is nostalgic
Man...
So sudden
You're the one creating this atmosphere
It would have been better if we could meet normally...
Very very nice
I want to bring out everyone's raw instinct, and store it in this camera...
You thought it'd be an actor advertising their new drama didn't you?
Well, like, we had no idea...
Yeah, we thought it might be Yamada or someone like that
T/N: There's too many people named Yamada, so I'm not sure which one he's referring to. Possibly Yamada Yuuki?
I'm Tsuyoshi Muranishi
T/N: Tsuyoshi is the first name of the SMAP member, Muranishi is the last name of the porn director.
I said I wish we could've met normally
Can you stop?
Getting too into it
Kotoge's Anxiety #4
I'm saying it would have been better if this was more normal
It says "Kotoge's Anxiety" on there
Such a great expression
Can you stop?
It's too aggressive
No, it's interesting
This... This is what he wanted to do
It's my first time on TV for a while, and I'm really nervous
I'm going around in circles, but it'd be great if you could kindly watch
ACTION!
Please...
This is crazy
Yeah, now you just say those things, you're just saying them with no hesitations
Too straight with his intentions
Kotoge's Anxiety #5
Yeah it just kind of comes out, right?
Action!
No, not action, man
If you come on too strong, no one is going to react at all
You're being too aggressive, I've been telling you, man
When it's time to be dominant, I have to dominate
I told you: the one thing you can't do is come out here naked, man!
Have you forgotten that obnoxious thing you did
all those years ago?
Do you regret nothing?
I regret that
I might regret that TOO much
T/N: Kusanagi was arrested in 2009 for public indecency. He held a press conference to apologize and prosecutors decided to not indict.
Doesn't really seem like it
Come on
He makes everything a joke
Kotoge's Anxiety #6
Uh...
Amazing, he'll even say that
So, up till a few years ago
You were in a competing time slot, it seems
Is it really okay for you to do something this dumb?
I'm here to fight
Is my verdict fair? Or is it unfair?
I want to judge it as Red or White
T/N: The "judge it as red or white" was supposed to be "judge as black or white" in English, meaning to settle a matter. However, in Japanese, "red and white" is "Kouhaku" which is the name of the Batsu's rival New Year's Eve TV special that SMAP has repeatedly hosted.
White or Black, you mean
GIVE IT UP ALREADY!
They're a good combination!
The timing is great
Nice~
You aren't looking nice~ yet
No, this is not nice~
2019 was nice, too~
T/N: 2019 is a reference to Director Muranishi getting a semi-autobiographical series "The Naked Director" on Netflix.
Nice nice, director
Should we use that thing that
Director Muranishi is known for most?
Let's do it! Very nice~
Director Muranishi's Legendary Conch
T/N: Muranishi had actresses blow into a conch shell when they reach climax. It apparently is a reference to some Buddhist rituals.
Use this, use this
Isn't it great?
From now on I'd like you to use those to verify some things
I want to gape wide open the true nature of you two comedians
Now I'm going to ask some questions
Twice for a yes
Just once if it's a no
Please blow those conch shells
Answer the director 2 for YES 1 for NO
All right?
You, with the jeans that I really like
Answer honestly, did you think you'd never
be involved with me ever again?
Q. You didn't think you'd ever be involved with me ever again
Oh that's so lonely, but nice!
That's so human, so human!
Let's have this one go
This comedian
So, which are you? Team Kusanagi? Team Nakai?
Q. Are you Team Kusanagi or Team Nakai?
T/N: Kusanagi and Nakai are both members of SMAP. Nakai has been one of the more popular members due to always hosting shows, being a newscaster, etc.
Which is it?
If you're Team Kusanagi, blow twice
Blow once for Team Nakai
What the hell?
What?
Answer the director 2 for Team Kusanagi 1 for Team Nakai
What the?
The hell?
What is this?
Twice for Kusanagi
Once for Nakai
Blow the conch, please!
Let's go
That's really hard, though!
Please blow the conch
Macchan
Macchan?
Good! Nice! Nice!
I don't get it!
I didn't get it earlier, either, because I'm not on either team
So why would you ask about my team, right?
I'm not on any damn team...
But why?
I don't have one
Try blowing it one more time
Why?
Answer the director 2 for Team Kusanagi 1 for Team Nakai
Q. Are you Team Kusanagi or Team Nakai?
Blow it harder!
Nakai?
You like Nakai?
Very good very good VERY GOOD
That's nice! That's nice!
That's nice!
Calm yourself down already, man, making him go pipipipi like that
This whole segment is probably going to be unusable...
Shouldn't you spend your time more on asking about
Director Muranishi's specialties?
You're right, I was too caught up in the moment
Ask some normal questions, would you?
Director Muranishi thrusts his specialties
So Hamachan... Hamachan, I'll bet
Do you like old clothes?
Well, maybe, I don't hate them
You always wear Levi 501XX, do you not?
Well, I own some
You used to wear bigger ones but lately they're tighter...
Oh, oh really?
He could tell the difference, wow
I wish I could pull off old clothes
Oh, I see
I've been thinking of changing my stylist-
What's with these garbage questions!?
What kind of backwater hick would care!?
Oh me too?
Now Macchan
Please, ask him an appropriate question
I could go for something more appropriate...
That's too far, isn't it?
During your private time, what do you like to do?
Sorry, I know it's cliché
But go to the gym and stuff
Do you ever go out drinking?
I go out a bit
Do you go out with Nakai-kun?
He asked again
Generally, I go out with him twice a month or so...
Oh really?
Do you talk about me or anything like that?
I wouldn't say that we don't...
Do you ever talk about Atarashii Chizu with Nakai-kun?
T/N: Atarashii Chizu is a band compromised of some of the previous members of SMAP: Goro Inagaki, Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, and Shingo Katori. Nakai and Kimura (the two most popular members) are not in the band.
Not that I remember
Do you talk about Goro-chan? Do you talk about Shingo-chan?
You're being too aggressive again...
Not really...
Does he ever talk about being a presenter or anything?
Honestly we don't really
You're being too aggressive, Director...
Talk about that stuff
Oh really? That's great
Yeah it's great...
When will you see him next?
We haven't planned anything specific...
Nothing specific, huh? Really.
What do you think about Atarashii Chizu?
This asshole never stops!
TV is the best!!
Internet streaming is good, but broadcast TV is really great, right?
I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other again soon
That's good, okay, that's plenty
2019 was great
We get it
Let's have another great year
Yes, let's
He had a huge impact
Kusanagi came back this year
No way
I was surprised
He did something amazing
They have been on the bus for 15 minutes
Somehow, this is starting off amazingly
Right?
I'm beat already
Me too
Already these 5 can't conceal their exhaustion
will never relent
The deluge of laughter assassins
I'm so jealous of Hosei
What?
You look like you could fall asleep anywhere
I slept
But I only got about 6 hours...
Arrival at the bus station
Arrival atthe busstation
Arrival at the bus station
Help me!
Osada Shouhei
T/N: The detective and hostage are actually comedians of the duo, Chocolate Planet.
Detective
Hostage
Matsuo Shun
I'll shoot, asshole!
Hey! Stop!
We have you surrounded
A masked man took a hostage and hijacked the bus
Give yourself up quietly!
We already know who you are, and we're taking you in!
You know it all, big guy?
If you already know
Then I won't
Need this
Kamiki Ryunosuke
Masked Man
Calm down!
I'll freaking shoot him
Calm down! Stop that right now!
Put your hands up
Okay
Put your hands up
Calm down!
Put your hands up
Put your hands up!
I get it- I GET IT!
Put your hands up!
I'm putting them up!
Put your hands up!
Okay, look, I'm raising them
Putyourhandsup!
Good?
Put your hands up!
Is this okay?
Put them up!
They're up!
PUT 'EM UP!!
THEY'RE UP!
Put them up!
They're already up, damn it!
They're way up
Kamiki doesn't listen at all
You're bad
He has them up
You're bad by every definition of the word
They're already raised
Hey, can you contact your headquarters?
Call up the station and have them prepare a getaway car for me!
What are you saying, I can't!
Call them!
I can't!
Call them!
I'll shoot! Call them!
FINE I GET IT
HQ? HQ!
Call them
No, call them!
I am!
Call them!
I AM!
Call them!
HQ!?
Call them!
CALL THEM!!
Even the way you fight, ugh
He is calling them, stay calm
Call them!
I am, so just-
Just call them!
We need a getaway car
Callthem- CALL THEM!
I am right now!
Call them!
A getaway car!
I told you, I'm calling them!
Jeez
Shut up...
"Please prepare a getaway car." There, I told them!!
Hey, what's that strapped to your back?
It's a pistol, isn't it? Give me the pistol!
What are you saying, I can't!
Give it to me!
I get it, I get it!
I'll shoot! Give it to me! Give it to me!
Stay calm, I understand
Give me the pistol!
Give me the pistol
I got it
Give me the pistol
Is this okay? Huh?
Give me the pistol
Give me the pistol!
Look!
GIVE ME THE P I S T O L !
Look, here!
Give me the pistol!
Here!
Give me the pistol!
TAKE IT!
Give me the pistol!
HOLD IT!
Give it to me!
I'm giving it to you!
Give it to me!
Take it already!
Give it to me!
What is he doing?!
You aren't doing anything either... Pissing me off
He pisses me off
Hey! GRASP IT!
Give it to me now!
Give it me!
I ALREADY GAVE IT TO YOU!
Give it to me now
You already have it!
Please, help me! I'll do anything!!
Anything?
I'll give you a chance, but just one
If you can make these 5 guys laugh
I'll release you
Terms for Hostage Release
Make all 5 men laugh
Do it
I can't
Do it, asshole!
I can't make them laugh
Do it!
I'll shoot you, do it!
Fine, I'll do it
Yeah, do it!
Do it!
I'll do it
So... My impression of Sakagami Shinobu...
T/N: Sakagami Shinobu is a famous tarento, essayist, film director, TV presenter, singer, and actor. He started out as a child actor at the age of 3.
Do it!
Ahhh well, you see
Do it!
I'm doing it!
I am doing it!
Do it!
Didn't you see me starting?
Well just do it already
I am!
Do it!
I am doing it!
Ahhh well, you see, when you do it like this-
You all have to ride along and get slapped, right?
I think that's power harassment y'know?
Well, next is the problem of the day
T/N: Japanese news stations have talk show segments where a panel of people express their opinions on the topic they're reporting on. They will usually very quickly change to the next topic without any transition.
Do it!
I ALREADY DID!
I was doing it, these are the damned results!
Do it!
I already did!
Do it!
That's enough!
What?
Detective!
Cut it out!
If you can do better, do it!
Detective!
Stop, I can't!
Help me, please!
You get it right? This situation is hopeless!!
Detective!
It's hopeless!
You going to do it?
Help!
You're completely hopeless!
Please!
Do it! Do it! Do iiiit! DO IT!
Why did you suddenly become such a moron?
Himuro Ky- I'm doing it, asshole!
Do it!
Himuro Kyosuke playing rock-paper-scissors
T/N: Himuro Kyosuke is a former singer/songwriter. He is one of the best-selling artists of Japan.
First comes ANGEL~ Rock, paper KISS ME!
KISS ME
There!
He got me point-blank
It was pretty funny, though
What does "First comes angel" even mean?
They laughed, right? So, let him go now!
I want more!
What? That's plenty!
Do it! Get going!
Fine
Do something!
Fine, I get it
Do something!
Okay!
Do something!
Okay
Do something!
Do something already!
WE'RE GOING TO!
Do something!
A lickity-skit: "The Fight"
T/N: The lickity-skit or "rero-rero skit" is a skit based on the act of licking. This is a regular skit for Chocolate Planet.
Hey!
What?
Why did you turn down Miyuki?
That's none of your business
The hell it isn't my business!
Stay in your lane!
LIIIIICKY LICKY LICKY LIIIIICKY
Of course, y'know? If I could've not laughed...
If you could...
It'd be good if I could! Sorry, my bad
The hell was that?
This is hell. Come on, let's leave!!
YOU BASTARD!
I get it, just please arrest me already!
I'm arresting you!
Arrest me!
Okay, I'm coming!
Arrest me!
I arrested you!!
Arrest me!
I already did
Arrest me! Take me away!
You're under arrest and I'm taking you in!
We should have left after the impressions!!
That was rough
That was so troublesome
Right? So troublesome
What was that "licky licky" thing...
He's been doing that for a long time
That pisses me off
The bus drives onward to high school
The biggest ever surprise of the series
With that forbidden joke being unveiled
IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU
This is almost crossing the line!
Oh, I can see the school
Ah I can see it too
It's that one right?
The bus holding the five members...
...has finally appeared at the school
However...
This isn't their goal, but a new battlefield
Wow it's really Omamegaoka High School
Wow
Heipo Omamegaoka High School
The stage for the No Laughing Batsu Game,
Heipo Omamegaoka High School
This school of literary, martial, and comedic arts
is where the epic battle with the Assassins of Laughter will begin
Arrival at the school
Arrival atthe school
Arrival at the school
We're here guys, let's go
We're here
Get off
We've arrived
Here we go
It's through here
It's a pretty splendid school right?
Yeah it is
The grounds are spacious too, quite nice
It's the first principal, Mr. Heipo
First Principal
Mr. Heipo
He's one of the candidates for the
next ten thousand yen bills
T/N: Ten thousand yen in USD is roughly $91.51.
For the next ten thousand yen bill . . .
It's already been decided though
School's Main Entrance
The one after that
Might be better to say that when the topic of the next ten thousand yen bill comes up
So this means we're going to...
A classroom, maybe?
Right, it's got to be a classroom
Last time...
Yes it's a first
We're Class 3-B apparently
Here...
Oh yeah you're right
This is the new students' classroom
Take the seat with your name on it
Wow
Oh it's like this now
3-B Classroom
Oh right...
Usually, it's tables stuck together in 1 big group
It was like
Ah but it's a bit...
It's different than usual, the placements
It's not the same
Take your seats
The place where the five members will live as students, 3rd Year Class B
Of course the classroom also has many traps to make them laugh
However, the members still have no clue as to what they are
It feels kind of weird
We'll be watching the backside of Cocorico
The seats are quite differently positioned than usual
Is watching Cocorico from the back something to care about?
The way we're seated is what's really weird
This seating is weird therefore we have to watch their back...
The way making us look at it...
That's right, he was definitely laughing
What happened right now was weird
Since you're cheerful usually
This is the "No Laughing Batsu" man, you were pretty loose right now
One hour since the start
They've reached the classroom at last and have settled down
Leaving no time to rest
The big name Assassins of Laughter will be on the offense
You guys okay?
You guys haven't given the superintendent your greetings
We're going to greetong...
I'll guide you so let's go
Greet the superintendent come on
Heipo Omamegaoka High School New Students' Customary Greeting of the Superintendent
We have to greet the superintendent?
Not the principal?
Right?
Superintendent?
Is this a thing?
Is it a coincidence?
Oh them being here?
Students meeting the superintendent is quite rare
You're right
It's through here
It's for real, Superintendent's Room it says
It's true
Let's go in
Excuse us
It's here
Superintendent's Room
It's very fancy
This school's superintendent
used to be a teacher, and for their work as an educator, is very respected by everyone
All of the teachers, student's guardians, etc. they really truly respect them
They're a great teacher you guys
Teacher?
A great superintendent
That's just...
What the hell is that explanation?
Really
You said superintendent so many times just now
They're an extremely strict person so don't do anything disrespectful okay?
It's very suprising isn't it?
It is, isn't it?
Superintendent
Akutsu Maya (Amami Yuki)
The super strict teacher from the drama, "The Queen's Classroom"
Guys, this is Superintendent Akutsu. Now, introduce yourselves
Hosei you start
Okay
Eeh, I'm Tsukite-
That won't be necessary
You know you can't laugh, but...
That was so blunt. . .
That's so scary!
She's so scary...
It's not necessary, it's a waste of time
Life is a stacked pile of seconds
One who wastes time is one who wastes their life
Simple things like your names, I have already researched
Tsukitei Hosei, you debuted in 1988 with the name "Gasupeke" as a comedian
T/N: Gasupeke is the comedian duo that Yamasaki formed with former partner, Hiromitsu Noriyasu. Gasupeke was also stylistically spelled as "GSX".
In 2008 you became an apprentice to Rakugo Master Tsukitei Happo
Your best rakugo sketch is "Tale of Human Emotions, Clams Unsold"
In 2018, you published a book called "Rakugo is Wonderful" through Yoshimoto Books
Total number of sales is 5,000 copies
That's pretty...
That's scary . . .
I'm scared
5,000 is pretty low...
I want her to use the good data as well
Yes I agree
Endo Shozo, Tanaka Naoki
Yes
In 1992, you debuted with the name Cocorico Bombers as comedians
Endo, in October of 2018
Bought a 5 bedroom house with a balcony in Setagaya
T/N: Setagaya is a very posh neighborhood in Tokyo.
Using 1 million yen to build a golf green for your yard
T/N: 1 million yen to USD is roughly $9,151.
Using 1 million yen to build a golf green for your yard
It's pretty small though
Tanaka's car is a 26 year old second hand Volvo
That's it
That's it for us?
Volvo is...
I like Volvos
She has no information
That was very little info
Hamada Masatoshi, Matsumoto Hitoshi
In 1982, you made your debut with the name Light Bros. as comedians
Hamada's first girlfriend is
The girl with flowing hair, ABC-ko
How the hell?!?
It's from middle school
From middle school?
That's very scary
Wasn't there better data?
Right?
Matsumoto's first girlfriend, during 3rd year of middle school, was...
XYZ-ko
We don't know who that is
You don't
Right?
Yes yes, that's right
Wah that hurts
Matsumoto at the time
Wada Shunichi and yourself would often go on double dates
She knew so much
Isn't it amazing?
Yes that's in fact true, but...
...You say it all so easily
She really didn't hesitate
It's correct, but...
Matsumoto
Even if you wear a suit or a jersey
You always wear Crocs on your feet is that correct?
Those Crocs, where do you buy them?
Your Crocs, do you have different ones for summer and winter?
Yes I do, some have holes in them and others don't
What is going on?
That's my Crocs, what the hell
What are you doing with them?
I wore them this morning,
I was wearing them in the morning
Superintendent? Superintendent?
That hurts so bad
Matsumoto
Yes
Throw these Crocs
Hurry up and throw it
Throw it?
Throw it
Hamada, pick up the Crocs
I picked it up
Throw the Crocs
Throw it
Matsumoto
Yes
Do you understand what I'm having you do?
I have no idea
Crocs are designed to be bottom heavy
So naturally the sole wants to point down
and they always land the right way up
People like Matsumoto who have lost all sense of
curiosity and wonder about the things they love,
they aren't people
They're worth even less than monkeys
The moment we lose our curiosity,
humanity humanity is as good as dead
humanity is as good as dead
Matsumoto
Get a grip and wake up already
Ahhh, please...
You're looking pretty relaxed there, Endo
Yes?
You have this thing where you put on a silly voice, slap your cheeks,
get naked, and do a little dance, right?
Do that here, right now
Hurry up, get naked. Do it.
Right now?
Right now
Hurry hurry
You're wasting our time
Yes, sorry
She knows?
Does she know of this?
I guess so
Please let's hurry
Okay, here I go
She's laughing!!
She clearly laughed!
She laughed
Here I go
Do you know the rhythm of the samba?
Let's get excited for the new year, everyone!
HO HO HOI! HO HO HOI! Ba-dum bum!
That's enough
Exactly what is funny about that?
It is hard to get
Right! I don't know what makes it funny
Do it as Mori Shinichi
T/N: Mori Shinichi is a famous traditional Japanese singer that Endo often does impressions of.
Do "Ho ho hoi" as Mori Shinichi
The demands are intense
She's laughing!
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
She's really laughing!
Let's get excited, everyone
That's enough
Endo did a good job
Yes, can't blame Endo
Even she was laughing!
I have this slight memory, Hosei
Yes
You also had this gag where you did a silly voice, comical pose,
and said, "Maaa", correct?
So she knows about this
She really knows about this
Would you go that far?
How does she know?
Try doing the "Maaa" gag
right here, right now
That's mean
This is new to me
MAAAAAA!!
Again
MAAAAAA!!
Endo, you do the "Maaa"
Me?
This is absurd
Totally absurd
MAAAAAA!!
Hosei
Yes
Do "Ho ho hoi"
Totally nonsensical
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
Ho ho hoi!
Make the world smile an-
That's enough
Because this is such a rare opportunity
please do it while facing each other
Do it while looking into each other's eyes
Incredible
It really is incredible
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
MAAAAAA!!
Everyone is having fun
Ho ho hoi!
Ba-dum bam, ho ho hoi!
Ba-dum bam
Ho-ho hoi
This is ridiculous!
This is hell...
Because this is such a precious moment,
both of you, try doing it as Shinichi Mori
This is incredible
She still won't let them off
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
Stop
She's quick to stop it
"Stop"
Incredible...
It hurts
I can't
Of all the superintendents till now, this is by far the worst
Okay, everyone try doing "Maaa"
Whatever "Maaa" is
Right! Haha
What the hell is "Maaa"
Ready, set
MAAAAAA!!!
Louder
MAAAAAA!!!
Now as Shinichi Mori
Maaaaaa!
Is this even real...?
Really all over the place
All of you
Get a grip and wake up already
Now leave
We couldn't get her...
Hosei
GSX (Gasupeke)
What the...?
What sort of last word is that?
We were completely worn out
We were worn down harder than I thought we would be
Yes, indeed
One and a half hours since they started their school life
School life
1 hour and 30 minutes
It's about time to start a certain long battle
That must be instead of the drawers, right
Yeah, this has be this time's drawers
The annual drawer tradition
Shall I start?
Pull it out
Is it okay?
Aaaah, naah
No, but we have to do it
We should just get it over with
Tanaka is going first
Really
Doing it this way... Ah, it's tight
There's something in there
It's really packed in there
A letter?
A letter and something black
What IS that?
A letter and... What is this?
I should do it right away, right
Yeah, you've already taken it out so
Yeah
I should just check what it is
What the hell is that?
Yeah
BOX _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
T/N: These baggy pants are called "bontan" in Japanese. They're often associated with delinquents.
Unbeatable baggy pants. Wear this and if you laugh, the Batsu army
Unbeatable baggy pants..?
Unbeatable baggy pants. Wear this and if you laugh, the Batsu army
will cower away in fear. Super baggy pants. No time limit.
Now that's nice
will cower away in fear. Super baggy pants. No time limit.
Baggy pants?
What is that..
What
Unbeatable baggy pants!
What, that is Tanaka's?
Yeah, this is mine
Why?
What? Because I found it in my desk
So if you laugh they won't come for you?
Well, because it's the unbeatable baggy pants, I won't get punished
Unbeatable super item
They won't come even if I laugh
Even if you laugh...
They will cower away in fear
No time limit!
Yeah, there's no time limit
Is it really Tanaka's?
Of course, it was in my desk!
Really an incredible pair of baggy pants
Hurry up with the zipper
You're fumbling a lot
J-just try laughing a little
Tanaka has become unbeatable
Woah, that is super nice!
Ah, so that's what "cower in fear" means
What the hell is this
He really did cower away in fear
He makes me so mad
You did laugh
Well, yeah
Our pants
What is this?
Our pants are just regular pants
But it said there was no time limit, right?
Stop that lame acting
That's right
You were grinning
Cut that out. Don't chase him
Tsk!!
This is annoying
This loop is starting to get on my nerves
Pisses me off
Annoying
Tanaka cut it out
The back of my thighs hurt!
Thank you very much
Change your baggy pants
This has been going on for too long
Change your pants
I'm sorry, but this is mine
This time, we might be getting only nice items for a change...
Tanaka got this and so on
For real?
Well since...
Matsumoto-san
The opportunity for something good is there, Matsumoto!!
You might be lucky
Would be strange if only he got something good
That's true
Key for locker no. 5
Number 5
Ah, it's over here
Over there
Locker no. 5
Could be a nice item
That's right. Could be
It must be something that can't fit in here
It might make you invincible
Invincible... Could be
From the invincible series
Do you have the key?
An invincible school jacket maybe
Yes yes
Because a school jacket wouldn't be able to fit in there
Yes, yes
Might be what happens this year
That's right
EH!?
What is this?
Mysterious white box
A box
How scary
What is that?
There's so much inside
Oh, a DVD
Yet another DVD?
DVD and a mysterious item
I have a bad feeling about this
I feel uneasy about this DVD
They are changing it up. Usually Tanaka is the one getting DVDs
Are you up for it?
It will explain things
Putting it in
I don't feel like this is going to a be a nice item
School Challenge
X month X day X day of week Class Duty Hamada Matsumoto
With the items in the box, the five of you will play a nostalgic school game
With the items in the box, the five of you will play nostalgic school games
All of us?
The 5 of you will play elimination rounds where the losers stay. Once there is only 1 person left, that person will be severely punished
Again?
The 5 of you will play elimination rounds where the losers stay. Once there is only 1 person left, that person will be severely punished
Just stop it
They did it
They did
Batsu Game
The Batsu game is: Plastic bottle rocket
Plastic bottle rocket
I'm so scared
3 plastic bottlerockets on standby
3 plastic bottle rockets on standby
From a distance, 3 bottle rockets will be on standby
This is no good
They will then fire them at different times
Fired at different times
This is no good
Speed
The speed is about 40 km/h
T/N: That's about 25 miles per hour.
That's scary
Total destructive force
Scary
It's a punch with an outstanding destructive force
Why would you do such a thing?
Nostalgic School Challenge
Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do on the recorder
Hold up
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Each of you will one by one, in order, use the recorder
Why do we have to do something like this?
Play do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do without slipping up
Example
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
The start position requires all fingers to cover all holes
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
This is diff...
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
Wonder if I can do it well
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
Difficult
If you slip up you are out! Losers remain in the game!
Why this
Lets! Challenge!
We will all try on the same one?
We will take turns, though
Taking turns
The first try counts
Here we go
That's right
I have to get my fingers ready
Can't wait for that
Ready, start
No no no
That's no good
Losers stay in
Like you are playing a shakuhachi
T/N: A shakuhachi is a traditional Japanese/Chinese flute made out of bamboo.
Like a shakuhachi
Messed up the "do"
Wrong from "do"
And I'm the one getting slapped?
Because you laughed
That's right
Hosei...
You look confident
I'm pretty good at this
Seriously?
Ready
Start
Yes
No good
He's bursting with laughter
Can't do that, Hamada
Hamada is bursting with laughter
A laughter free of any worry
Having too much fun
It went "ahowooohuoo-oo"
Why is everyone
Playing it like a shakuhachi?
Right?
Okay, here goes
Okay
Here you go
Ready
Start
What!?
That's right
Hamada laughed
Hamada is laughing every time
Why?
Hamada laughs every time
How come?
How can we accomplish this?
Here I go
No good!!
That's no good
It's pretty tough...
Make it sound nicer
I see
Quit it with that skit
I forgot
That's right
That should've been fine
Not the last part
The last note was no good
But wasn't this one safe?
Right?
I think so too
The last part
But the end was...
If you say that then this bit will never end
Think about it a bit
Yeah, we have to do this
Sorry, but...
Let's make it easier
Right?
But just now was a bit...
That's right
Right?
That's enough. Thank you
That was quick. Why can't I do it?
That sounded like, "heehee"
He's straight up laughing
It went piii!!
Isn't this strange?
On the "do" part...
"Do" is not played right
But it was played
Why can't we play it well?
Next up in the Nostalgic School Challenge
Huh?
Nostalgic School Challenge
T/N: In Japan, you do not wear the same shoes you wear outside when you're inside. This also applies in schools where everyone is required to have a pair of indoor shoes.
Indoor shoes shoot
Won't this also be hard?
Sure will be
Oh man, this is pretty hard
Kick your shoes from about 2 meters distance
You win if the indoor shoes go into the trash can
Keep at it until you find the loser
Two meters, no problem
This will be decisive
I see
Let's! Challenge!
All of us are still left
Two meters?
Two meters
Where?
Let's all agree
Where would the two meter mark be?
Let's all decide and agree
Should we do it like this?
Let's put this down here
For the time being
Yes
You can't do that
Since they are leather shoes
Leather has nothing to do with it. You are out
He was practicing
We didn't confirm the distance
We all agreed on the distance, didn't we?
That's not okay...
He was practicing
But you are out
This has nothing to do with us
Let's be friends
What's up?
He hit my hand
I will go first, ok?
Yes
Let's move it across the room
Okay
Like this
Isn't it a disadvantage to go first?
Let's do rock-paper-scissors
It's because you already practiced once
No, because you went ahead and practiced
So strict
Do you want that throw to be the real thing? No? Then go
Here I go
Right
Yes
Nice
Matsumoto qualifies!!
Nice
Went straight in
I watched from over here and
Seriously?
I thought, "This is going to make it in"
Nice
"That was nice" is what my own partner said, of all people!!
My own partner ended up saying that
My own partner
Ends up saying, "That was nice"
My own partner...
Saying it as if he's at home, watching this on TV
That's just too...
You have a point
That right there is Hamada's...
"That was beautiful" just like that
But really though, that was well done
But this doesn't look good for us
Would you like to go next?
There's no way I'd want that Batsu game
No way
It's too much
Right?
Your practice round is what let you win, isn't it?
I agree!
He has a point there
Objection!!
That's true, that's just...
He already had a feel for it
Having that one practice round is so relevant
OKAY FINE
I'll let you guys have 2 chances
Are you serious?
I'll acknowledge that the first attempt was a miss
Okay
Even still, this is going to be hard...
If you don't get it within 2 tries, then that's a loss
Yes, I'll agree to that
This is a huge favor for a huge challenge
"Huge challenge?" The hell am I saying?
You can't help but laugh
Just like that
If you watch it
Can such sorrow come from the back?
Well well, the first attempt was a miss
There was only sorrow coming from that
Your turn, Endo
Isn't Endo going to be really good at this?
I have some confidence
Ahhh, that was SO close!
But I got this
That was pretty good though
I think he could do it
I think so too
But really, I think this will determine everything
But how do you do it?
May I?
Yes of course
You just have to go with your gut feeling
"Gut feeling"?
Yep, that's right
Yes
Everyone's just imitating me
To shoot from way behind the towel
Ah, too much power
And if this makes it in
I can drop out of the competition
Yes
Here I go!
He's so bad at this
I saw that coming
Saw that coming
Oh, it even worked there
Yes yes
That guy is still at it
That's right, he's still doing it
Yes, I can laugh all I want
That's so nice
No matter how much I laugh...
Man, you're so lucky
So...
One more round, right?
We play one more round
This sucks
I can probably...
But if you can do this...
How is this going to work?
OUT!!
Losers remain, those are the rules
Alright
You'll get an OUT
He said "OUT" so desperately though
Losers remain
Here I go
Ahhh, that was so close...
OUT
He's totally laughing!
How do you do this?
You've been asking that a lot for a while now
But really though
It's best if you depict the parabola
You're not depicting the parabola at all
Hosei wins and drops out!!
Are you serious?
Yes, I did it!
I really did it!!
Are you really for real?
Why would you react like that?
Here I go...
You're right
Tanaka wins and drops out!!
YES!!
Yeah!
I hate this
Wait a minute
If everyone makes it in, then that changes things
With this progression, it'll end up with me and Endo
Oh right, that's right
You two
Is this game how we'll decide it?
Should we go back to the recorder?
I can't do that one...
The recorder?
The recorder
Yes
The recorder...
Let's go with the recorder
The flute
Hamada vs Endo
Recorder Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti Do Showdown
Who's going to start?
Who will start first?
Who should go?
Then I will start
You're going to start?
Yes
Before, Matsumoto did...
Here I go
Start!
Thanks
Well, well, well
My tone quality will be the factor
If Hamada's turns out better
Just now wasn't great, I'd give it around a 75
Yes, I agree
Here I go
You're like a snake charmer!!
Hamada, bottle rocket punishment!
Hamada Bottle Rocket Punishment
Of course this would happen
A cobra would've come out
Wow, here it comes
This is going to be scary, Hamada
There's three of them
This is scary
Ebitani Hiroshi
Under Supervision of The Denjirou Army Corps
3 Continuous Hits of the Bottle Rocket
T/N: The Denjirou Army Corps is actually the Denjirou Science Production which is a group of scientists that educates children through fun film productions and shows.
This is so scary
Very scary
Alright
Yes
While no one noticed...
Here please
Yes
This surrounding area is scary
The rocket's propulsion is powered by liquid nitrogen
So scary
What the hell are you doing?
Oh wow, this is scary
What the hell
Wait wait wait!
What the hell is this?
Yes, what is going on?
Until the rocket launch
seconds
It seems like it'll be loud
What the hell is going on?!
Until the bottle rocket launch
LAUNCH!
This is heavy
He got it good
Went right at the face at the very end!
You can't help, but laugh
OUCH
That last one to the face...
Ow
Ow ow
Straight to the frontal lobe
There's no helping it, you lost
Well, yes
Good job
Can't do anything about it
I'm so glad I got the slipper in
Wow
Here
That pisses me off
And that's the end of that, right Matsumoto?
And that's the end of mine
But it's only mine that's over
That's right!
We still have more!
Yes
May I?
Hosei
So scary
By the way,
You're still wearing the Unbeatable Baggy Pants and it's pissing me off
Oh right
Yes
What's it called? Something Baggy Pants
Unbeatable Baggy Pants
Right, Unbeatable Baggy Pants
What-cha-ma-call-pants
What is this?
OI
Delinquents barging in
I hear there's some pretentious punk wearing baggy pants in this class
Don't you dare mess with us!!
It's this guy
Yes
You're it, huh?
This fool
Ain't you a tough guy for wearing it so conceitedly?!
We're gonna do you in good!
THIS IS A MAME HIGH SCHOOL BAGGY PANTS HUNT
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT
I feel so bad for him
Wouldn't have imagined this would happen
Oh no, a baggy pants hunt
They're taking it away
Oh no, oh no, even his shoes, his shoes!
OW OW OW
So rough, so rough, so rough
Where're the pants you were wearing before?!
Where are they!?
Oh, they're in there
NEVER WEAR BAGGY PANTS AGAIN, YA HEAR ME?!
Oh, they took them!
Oh...
You're only down to your underwear
Yeah well... The same thing happened to me
White, so very white
They took your pants away
From now on,
It's going to hurt like hell from now on
It's because you were being so pretentious up until now
You're right
Oh, is this what it's all about?
But this was a good experience for you
That's right
Very true
I truly agree
So scary
Hosei, you have this right?
Key for locker #4
Are you serious?
This and...
I open this...
Well for now, I'll open the locker
Four
Tanaka, from now on, you really can't laugh
I won't laugh
What is this?
This is four, right?
Of course it was, you opened it
What the hell is this?
This...
Again, he gets those kinds of toys...
There it is
Joke masks x 3
Huh? I don't understand what's going on
I guess for now, just try them on, Hosei
Since this is your item and all
Getting hit for things like this is just bad
Yes, I agree, these kinds of things are unnecessary
Come on
No way, come on
No no no, this kind of thing...
Why is this a thing?
Exceptionally destructive joke masks
It's too much
OW!!
Ow, that hurts so bad
Amazing!!
That's so nice
That's amazing
This is really amazing
Please stop that pose
There he goes
There are directors who really look like that
Hosei, are the other ones different?
They're all different
Wow, so many
Yes there are
Tanaka, hurts a lot doesn't it?
This really hurts so much
Of course
Please stop
There's someone who looks like that
This is not good
This part below his nose is long
What the hell! Then give me some item like that too
Ow!!
That would hurt
Ow, that hurts
These joke masks are amazing
These aren't sold normally, right?
He's wearing a student uniform, but he looks old
That might be it. How unbalanced it is
It makes it more...
There's a comedian like that
That's right. Who is it? There's someone like that
There's a comedian like that
There's someone like that
Pisses me off
Ow!
That's an amazing item
It looks like the whole thing is a mask
Yup, yup
This works really well
because it's Hosei, don't you think?
Is that what it is?
What would happen if someone else wore it?
Wow, amazing!
It's not that strange
Yeah, there's definitely someone who looks like that
Ow!
This is amazing, isn't it?
It's amazing
It works for anyone
This is...
These kinds of things don't work that well for me
For me, these kinds of things don't work that well...
What do I do with this, I put them on my eyes?
Hehe...
You're laughing
If you would, please
That's just not fair!!
This is no good. No good
It's a different genre
The venue is different!!
You should look at yourself
Come on
Ow!
The venue is different
This is amazing
Wow
You guys are malicious!
The level is different
We can't beat that
There's nothing above that
No more, please. Can't deal with that
Wow
Yes, if you could please take it off and we can talk normally
Don't wander around with that on too much
He can do anything
Yes. He really can skillfully do anything
Check it out!!
You can't do that, please
No, no, no
Please take it off
You can't do that
That guy would not be popular with the ladies
It hurts
Wow, that's good
Ow!
Tanaka, that hurts, right? That's gotta hurt
It hurts like crazy
That's exhausting. That's really exhausting me
Take it off for now
How about we hide it and reset everything?
No, he's just... This is not good
He's making weird movements...
I can't look at that. Please stop for our sake
Please stop, already
He's getting carried away
Hamada, please take it off
Seriously, seriously
He's strangely taken a liking to it
Oh no, he's taken a liking...
Why is he using it as if it's his own item
He's strangely taken a liking to it
Yeah
That was in Hosei's place
Most of all, if you're laughing no one can tell. That's the worst part
Ok, ok
That's against the rules
I mean I guess that's right
That anatomical model...
Anatomical model
It might just be a coincidence,
but it looks like Hamada
It wasn't made specifically to be like that, right?
It's subtle
Or am I wrong?
That's Hamada
Is it?
Yeah, that's Hamada
They made this?
So this is Hamada!
Anatomical Model of a Young Hamada
It's Hamada
This is Hamada
They left it there so that someone might notice and look
Should I go next, then?
Eh? What's that?
Mysterious DVD
Can you play it for me?
There it is
Whoa!!
You know what this is, right?
It's Kokkuri-san
T/N: Kokkuri-san is a table-turning game like Ouija where you call upon the spirits to answer your questions.
A Kokkuri-san Board
This is that scary thing, I don't really like these, too scary...
I'm gonna play it
Kokkuri-san
Kokkuri-san: A necromantic divination that has been performed since long ago
T/N: Kokkuri-san is usually played with a 10-yen coin.
With a 500 yen coin
and this board of letters...
Call upon Kokkuri-san and raise a question
The ghost "Kokkuri-san" will point to the truth
Correct Sequence
Everyone puts their index finger on the 500 yen coin,
and says, "Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come forth.
If you have come forth, please proceed to 'Yes'"
Everyone does it together
This is so scary, I don't like this
Once this is said, the 500 yen coin should be making its way towards "Yes"
Is this real?
I always thought someone else was moving it...
Because I didn't move it
Yes, you don't move it yourself
This is 5 people
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come forth
Tanaka, here
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come forth
If you have come forth,
please proceed to "Yes"
Are you serious...?
It's moving
Seriously?
The 500 yen coin goes to "Yes"
Seriously?
Is this real?
I'm really not moving it
Me neither
I'm really not moving it, either
Now, a question for the five of you
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san,
who among us will receive a Thai kick after this?
Hold on
You can't decide that like this
This is scary. What is going on?
No one deliberately direct it anywhere!!
That would not be right
Let's not do that
Like if you start pulling on it if it starts to go to you...
Let's absolutely not do that!!
That's right
Got it
Let's leave it to Kokkuri-san
Tanaka has received Thai kicks 10 years in a row
You'd be broken into bits
I would
How would this work, though?
Shall we?
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san,
who among us
will receive a Thai kick after this?
Wow, it's moving!!
This is really...
It's moving pretty quickly
It's really here
"Ta"
Really
I'm really not doing anything
No way, come on
Who's pushing on it?
"Na"
Someone's really pushing on it
Tanaka, you're really pushing on it
"Ka"
Hold on, don't let go yet
There's no way, right!?
It went here
No way it's me
It went, "Tanaka"
Why when it's time for a Thai kick...
That was fast
That was fast, the decision
Wasn't that decision kinda fast?
You want to do it again?
But still
Tanaka, watch out
I get it, but I can't do this wearing this. Seriously
This...
Hold on
Seriously, hold on
Hold on, just a bit!!
What do you mean, "Just a bit?"
I can't do it wearing this
Watch out!
Matsumoto!!
Matsumoto, please!!
Hold on
Tanaka, stay still
I get it, I get it
Go over to wide open area
Be gentle with him
Mr. Thai Kick, please be gentle with him, I'm telling him
I can't take a Thai kick this early
I understand
I can't accept this, not like that
Stay still
Put your hands out front and stay still
Stay still, stay still
Watch out
Ah Ahh!!
Ah hahhh!!
Aghhhh...
It's a mystery, though
What's the matter?
His shoulder, too?
What's the matter? Your armpit?
His shoulder hurts too
Oh, your shoulder too
I thought you were protecting yourself,
but it was just your aging shoulder hurting again
Ahh... This time... Aren't we sitting too much?
It's tough
Ahh... This time... Aren't we sitting too much?
You're right, this year is pretty different
Yeah. It's been slow
Man, I really want my pants back
Hah!!
I can't be walking around like this
Don't just say such normal things!!
Of course I'll say that
Don't come here and say such normal things!!
Of course I'll say that
I'm being hit like this the whole time
Are you okay?
Have you gotten red marks on your thighs?
Uuooh! Wooah woah woah!!
Yeah, it doesn't get that bad with pants on
Yeah, exactly
Tanaka!
Ah, they're here!
How long are you gonna prance around with no pants?
See?
Wish and it'll come true, Tanaka
Finally got some pants!
3 hours into their school life
They get no time to catch their breath
Are you ready?
The broadcasting club will be doing their noon broadcast
so we should go check it out
The school's noon broadcast!!
Observing the broadcast club
They have a school radio show?
Observing the broadcast club...
We have to go observe them?
Right
Can't we just listen to them from here?
We shouldn't need to observe them...
Why you are out of Cream Rolls? Explain yourself
Ehhm... you see...
School store
"Ehhm"?
Um...
I had them prepared, but...
You had them prepared, but you don't have them
They got sold out...
There should always be Cream Rolls here at this time, should there not?
Well, yeah that's right but..
Why are there no Cream Rolls here then?
They all got sold...
You sold all of them?
Yes
Predicting these things is the job of a bakery, is it not?
We did try to account for it...
It says "Super popular Cream Rolls" on the poster
Stop with the excuses
"Super popular Cream Rolls" it says right here
Yes
I wonder why there might be no Cream Rolls left then
No... It's just a coincidence that we sold out
A coincidence?
That's just an excuse, isn't it?
By the way. Can you do "Maaa," I wonder
The "Maaa"
Asking him to do it is...
That's enough...
It's not that famous of a gag...
Try doing it right now
MAAAAAA
One more time
MAAAAAA
With all you've got
MAAAAAA
Ahh, why do they have to do that here??
They're really into "Maaa" today...
Enough! Enough!
She's really into "Maaa"...
From now on properly stock Cream Rolls, okay?
She's still talking?
It's my absolute favorite
Certainly
Broadcast club studio
It's about time
Okay, let's enter
Everyone sit down right here
Since Tanaka is trying out for the club
Please sit in the chair at the far right
I'm trying out the club?
And now,
will the cast please come in!!
There they come
That took us by surprise!
What??
I watched you guys!
I watched you guys this morning!
This morning!
They got here super quick
T/N: These two broadcast club members are announcers on the live morning TV show, "SUKKIRI!!" It airs every weekday from 8am to 10:25am.
Broadcast club member
Koji Kato
Haruna Kondo
Yes, I saw them on TV in the morning
They got here quick, huh
We're live with the school report in 5 seconds!
FOUR, THREE, TWO
School report?
FOUR, THREE, TWO
It's "SUKKIRI"
The Noon Time
School Report Broadcast
Here they go
Oma~me~
T/N: Reminder, this school is called Omame High School.
Good morning
Good morning Good morning
Today is Tuesday, the 31st of December and this is The Noon Time School Report
Today's commentators are class 3-A's Tetsuya Miyazaki
T/N: Both Miyazaki and Kikuchi are regular commentators on SUKKIRI. Miyazaki is a critic of politics, religion, and philosophy while Kikuchi is an attorney.
3rd year, Class A
3rd year, Class C
Tetsuya Miyazaki
Yukio Kikuchi
Class 3-C's Yukio Kikuchi
Incredible! Those are the real deal too!
And provisional club member, Tanaka-kun
Nice to have you here
And with today's top story, here is Asami Miura
T/N: She is an Asami Miura look-alike who coincidentally is an actual announcer. Her name is Hanasaki Ayumi.
The female student looks just like Asami Miura
Recently, without notifying the school
two students participated in unauthorized part-time work
The two were promptly expelled from school
They must've gone to great lengths for this
This topic...
I was a bit taken aback, but what are your thoughts, Haruna?
Indeed, I feel the same way
I have a few things I'd like to say on this broadcast
and I hope I get the chance to talk about them here today
I've been keeping an eye on this school ever since I enrolled here,
and I too have some thoughts I'd like to share about the current situation
When going over the details of this case again more thoroughly
it was discovered that last month,
the two students had also done unauthorized part-time work
Hold on, this topic is a bit...
The topic...!
No no no no
Is this okay?
I feel like I've seen this before
I wonder if this is alright
When the school questioned them harshly
They both stated, "We didn't receive any money for the work"
But it was then discovered that it was a lie
so the two students decided to hold a full school assembly
Let's have a look at that conference
I've seen this somewhere...
Third year, class C
Third year, class B
T/N: Robert Campbell and Morley Robertson are both American TV celebrities in Japan. Robert is a Japanese literature professor while Morley is a DJ and journalist.
Robert Campbell
Morley Robertson
This segment is evil!
What is this!?
This is no good
This can't be allowed
This is horrible! Making us laugh like this
This segment is pure evil
It's about that, that one thing
For working a part-time job
and for disappointing you all with our actions
we ask for your forgiveness
From the bottom of our hearts
We are truly sorry
We wanted to apologize to the school as soon as the news broke
However, we were banned from holding a school assembly by the principal
T/N: This segment is a parody of the scandal regarding Yoshimoto comedians, Hiroyuki Miyasako and Ryo Tamura. Miyasako and Tamura (along with others) performed at an event for an organized crime group and was stopped by Yoshimoto in holding a press conference/public apology. Miyasako initially stated that he was not paid, but turned out to be a lie.
When we went to the principal
You're not recording this, are ya?
T/N: This "You're not recording this, are ya?" is really what the Yoshimoto CEO had said to Miyasako and Tamura. He later said it was supposed to be a joke, but it was in poor taste.
Really!?
Nooo no no no no
No no no! They're really cutting deep into this
Ack, right?
They're really cutting deep here
Right!
Leaving nothing untouched
I don't like this segment...
The principal said, "It's because we are a family"
But if the school is the parent, then that means us students are the children
Does that mean you hate school?
Do you hate school?
I have nothing, but gratitude towards this school, raising an idiot like me
T/N: Again, these were all based on things that were really said regarding the scandal.
Please stop!
Can we please stop this parody...
This is...
This is a dangerous thing to go into
Watching those two, who are always telling such lighthearted American jokes
having to apologize while knee deep in tears
To me that was indescribably sad and hard to watch
Haruna, what did you think?
Saying they are like a family
Normally, if the company is like parent...
She managed to say "company"
She said "company"!
Honest mistake
You meant school, right?
That's a real event
The "company" is for the real deal
This is a parody, remember?
By the way
I'm not sure if this is okay to say, but...
EVERYONE IS SCARED!!
Enough!! This isn't okay, right? This is terrible
Really is terrible
This is a real thing
So about this situation
Tanaka, what are your thoughts?
There are a few things I don't quite understand
But if something like this really were to happen
I would think it was pretty bad
You know, I..
really want to hear your true, honest opinion
Kato, I...
IT WOULD BE REAL NICE IF YOU COULD SHUT UP!!
I'm sorry...
They're not handling this like the TV show, Miyazaki
I wonder, can this kind of school give its students a good life?
WITH THIS CURRENT SYSTEM!!
The hell was that...?
Do those things really happen?
Matsumoto
It might be really rude of me to say this to a senior like you, Matsumoto
Here it comes. The quote
Here it is. Here it is
Here it comes. The quote
The principal is the school's highest position
A school where the leader can't take responsibility
is that even functioning!?
T/N: This is what Matsumoto really said regarding Yoshimoto Agency's reaction to the scandal on an episode of SUKKIRI.
That is a good impersonation
Here...
He said that
You said that
Yeah yeah, I said that
Anyways
I do think we have to change the current system
If this goes on any further
then I'll leave!
I will leave this school!
I'm sorry
Haruna, what do you think?
Uhm
That such a final statement
is being said on the school broadcast
makes me wish the school administration
could take proper notice
Like Haruna is saying...
That such a
final statement
She's doubling down!
What's up with those glasses?
Right... Is she crying?
I think she's crying
And well...
That such a final statement
is being said here
Waterfall of tears
makes me wish the school administration
Oh my...
No no
She's crying, right?
Haruna
Haruna, we understand...
You couldn't help, but let out your feelings
Yeah
Everyone is trying to keep it together
I'll say it one more time
If this situation goes on any longer I'll leave this school
SORRY TO INTRUDE!!
T/N: This is Takashi Yoshimura who is the boke from the comedy duo, Heisei Nobushikobushi.
I just listened to the entire broadcast!!
He came
If my senior is leaving then so am I!
Kato!
If Kato is leaving then I'm leaving too!
YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!
A real idiot has arrived
Haruna, it was tough for you too, right!
I'm just a underclassman, but I've been thinking
KEEP YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS!
Kato!
I'm serious...
This isn't about you!
Kato... Kato... Kato... Kato...
Keep out of this!
Kato... Kato... Kato... Kato...
This doesn't have anything to do with you!
Hey hey hey, calm down
YOU'RE THE LEAST RELATED TO THIS OUT OF ANYONE HERE!
Dang, he's intense
He's just a commentator
Please help us
I beg you to help save us
Matsumoto, Hamada, please help us
We all like this school, don't we?
I LOVE this school!
So I really don't want it to be over
Let's join hands one more time
and make this school a lively place once more!
CUE THE MUSIC
This makes no sense!
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
A
su
ga
a
ru
A
T/N: All of the Gaki members were on the drama, "Ashita ga Arusa" and the Gaki guys have performed this song together on many shows and events.
There's always tomorrow, tomorrow comes again
"Ashita ga Arusa"
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
A
su
ga
a
ru
Wa
ka
i
bo
ku
ni
wa
yu
me
ga
a
ru
A young me is filled with a lot of eager dreams
Wa
ka
i
bo
ku
ni
wa
yu
me
ga
a
ru
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
Someday I will, yes someday I will
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
Wa
ka
t
te
ku
re
ru
da
rou
surely come to understand
to
Wa
ka
t
te
ku
re
ru
da
rou
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
A
shi
There's always tomorrow, there's always tomorrow, tomorrow will always come again
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
Mi
n
na
no
ta
me
ni
na
ru
na
ra
to
E
JEN
TO
se
i
do
wo
te
i
a
n
shi
Mi
I felt it would benefit everyone, so I proposed an agent system
Mi
n
na
no
ta
me
ni
na
ru
na
ra
to
E
JEN
TO
se
i
do
wo
te
i
a
n
shi
Mi
n
na
ya
ru
to
O
mo
t
te
i
ta
ra
Ki
zu
ke
ba
o
re
hi
to
ri
Mi
I thought everyone would take it up,
Mi
n
na
ya
ru
to
O
mo
t
te
i
ta
ra
but once I noticed, I was all alone
Ki
zu
ke
ba
o
re
hi
to
ri
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
T/N: Matsumoto tried proposing this agent system to help comedians get gigs, but it didn't really take off.
There's always tomorrow, there's always tomorrow, tomorrow will always come again
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This is going too far
What was that?
Wait, wait, wait
Come on
Geez
That was insane
They left in a hurry
What a surprise
We're still in the first half of the show
New Project: Escape Game
After this is a new project, the Escape Game!
Downtown First Manzai in Approx. 30 Years
And for some reason, Downtown's starting their first manzai in 30 years!
Eh!?
What is going on?
Whoa... This is scary!
Is there a fight going on?
There's a fight? Isn't that a bit early?
Right!
There's quite a racket
Men's bathroom
Shall we go check it out...?
Come on, get out!
Come on!
Tanaka... You're tall. Help him
Help him
Help him, Tanaka
Hold on... Yes
Hey, please stop...
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!!
Um... I'm just a new student here
THE HELL IS THIS CHIN, HUH!!
Who invited this big chin bastard!?
That must've been scary
That hurt so much
That hurt...
That hurt so much!
Get your ass in gear! Come out!
OY! What is going on here!?
You punks!
Bunch of bad guys
Are you okay?
They must have done quite the number on him...
Are you okay? It's safe out here now
It's okay
Shiro Ito (Actor)
I didn't get it for a brief moment
He's been properly bullied
"Cheater" is written on his face...
T/N: Shiro was on a program called "Ito Family" where they would explore everyday secret tricks and life hacks, which in Japanese is "urawaza". But "urawaza" is also used as slang to describe cheaters in video games and such.
T/N: "Oshin" is a TV drama from 1983 where Shiro played the father of the main character. May be a jab at how his debut role doesn't even warrant naming him by his actual character's name.
Oshin's father
That's his breakout role!
"Cheater" is going too far
I've had enough already
Is this for real?
That's a real problem
Bullying is absolutely not allowed
Let's go
Excuse us
Nice to meet you. Good luck
Excuse us
4 hours have passed of their school day
4 hours into their school life
They're not just tired, their butts are also doing worse
Ow
The butt pain always starts with Tanaka
Ah, is that right...
This year might be extra bad, though
The Thai kick is having it's effect too
Yeah, the Thai kick is in there too
Of all Japanese people,
the one who's received the most Thai kicks must be Tanaka
Do you really think so? Of all Japanese people?
I even think more than the people of Thailand!!
I've taken a lot...
But out of...
But you're getting used to them (Thai kicks), right?
Honestly speaking, watching that last Thai Kick,
Suspicion of Tanaka getting used to the Thai kicks
I thought, "Hmm, Tanaka is starting to get used to them"
No no no, I was shocked. Completely shocked
But it was so lame
Give me a break, please
You must understand that there isn't a set way to react
The way you are in pain makes us laugh
Because of the way you go "Aaa! Aaa!"
And it seems like you're doing it to make us laugh
You did it so nonchalantly today
2018's Treasure Hunters
Let's have a look at what Hamada is talking about
How Tanaka reacts to the Thai kick pain
Aaa~ha! Come on!!
Aaah
Aaaagh
What are you doing?
He's so loud
The suspicious reaction of this year's Thai kick
Aa Aaah!!
Aah Haa!!
Aa Aaah!!
Even with your hands
Aah Haa!!
You just naturally raise your arms
Ahhhhhhh...
It does seem like a fake reaction compared to previous years
That isn't true, it really hurts
You said "Aaa" once and got straight up on your feet
He was standing even before he was done screaming
You continued as if nothing happened
Lies lies lies lies
Lies lies lies!
Previous times your face turned pale and such
That's not true at all
Hanging out on the floor for ages
We would be worried for you
We would be at the exact threshold between worry and laughter
Yes, but today was surely no different
Not really, it didn't seem that bad...
Even now it's still hurting like hell
So it really did hurt today?
Fufu
Please, Matsumoto. Please stop
There's no way Thai kicks don't hurt
Did it hurt less than usual?
Last year's was like...
It's okay to be honest here, Tanaka
Well, compared to last year's...
Painful things hurt. That's a given
But compared to last year, it didn't hurt as much
He said it...!
You're such a let down!!
We're trying to give you a trick question and now I feel let down!
What I mean with "Compared to last year it didn't hurt as much," is
Last year when I was kicked he hit my nuts too
That made it hurt ten-fold that of a normal Thai kick
I'm wondering if you're playing us,
so could you ACT as if you were kicked for us?
Test of suspicion
Act as if Thai kicked
That way we can compare to the Thai kick from before
What, what do you mean? A normal or super painful Thai kick?
What I really want
is to see Tanaka's performance of a really painful Thai kick
Doing it seriously?
In full seriousness
Don't hold back
Okay, cut!!
It's the same
You really can do it!
That looked too good!
You really can do it, Tanaka!
It is possible that Tanaka faked his reaction
Incredible!
Let down!!
You're such a let down!!
That's actors for you
T/N: Tanaka has acted in quite a few dramas, movies, and even voice acted for anime. Has the most acting experience out of all the Gaki members.
No, it's not like that
Does that mean that today...
It's really hard to gauge a Thai Kick
Do it while wearing that!
Act out reaction while wearing joke mask
See how realistic you can do it
To see if the humor wins or if Tanaka's insanity wins
While also properly showing your face, okay?
ACTION!!
Nice stuff! Fantastic!!
It makes no difference!!
No difference at all
No no, there must be a difference
That makes no sense
This is enlightening
I'm saying this makes no sense
Four and a half hours have passed
Four and a half hours into their school life
A special class has been prepared for the 5 of them
You all okay?
We're gonna go to a special lecture now
We're going by bus
We have to take the bus to a lecture?
Eh, what can this be?
I get nothing but bad feelings
Yeah, me too
A harsh trial is awaiting the 5 of them
What is the special lecture?
And naturally the way there is also tough...
We're stopping?
At a place like this?
Arrival at bus stop
There it is!!
Oh! That is...
Perhaps... Is it them?
Oh no...
The yearly tradition of
They're really persistent...
The ones we look up to the most is Downtown
Downtown
T/N: "Manzai" is a stand-up comedy style that usually involves two performers. Downtown initially started their careers with manzai.
By choosing the path of conflict with their manzai showdowns
they've received two defeating blows
However
There is no turning back now
To make Downtown laugh
only one option remains
Introducing
Chidori Reborn
Hello everybody!
Going on 3 years, Chidori's manzai showdown
Nice to meet you
Humans really are the scariest
What do you mean by that?
There are so many disturbing incidents
Well yeah, there are a lot of those
Small kids that are walking around, just being kidnapped by strangers
Aah, kidnappings are terrifying! Taking small children...
Horrific stuff...
Stealing Downtown's Kidnapping manzai routine
And then you get a phone call
Right
Is that your...?
Hello
Hello?
You have a kid in second grade, right?
Yes!
I have a sixth grader at my house
What the hell?
Why would you tell me that?
It's a Downtown skit isn't it
So that I can scare you with this statement
Why would I be scared?
I would just accept the situation
Come on, scare me
Hello
Hello?
I've taken your son to my house
What?
He's at my house!
What? What do you mean?
No need to be surprised
You left him with me this morning
What the hell?
Why would you tell me that?
I'd just be like, "Oh okay" and that'd be it
Take this seriously
Hello?
Hello
Get the ransom ready
Ransom?
I'm Daigo and I'm located at the Second District
Why would you tell me your name?
You're in the Second District? Then you're right in my area!
Why wouldn't you say somewhere much further away?
Hello
Get the ransom ready
Ransom??
There's a phone booth in the Third District
A phone booth?
Oh, you know it?
I do
Take it there
Okay
When you come to deliver it
Yes
Follow my instructions
Now he's going to do it
A green bag with a white...
A green bag with a white paper...
With yellow
This is the punch line...
Green
A green bag with a white paper with yellow
With "yellow bag" written on it
What was that?
Are you listening?
It's been a really long time since I did this...
Even if you ask me, I don't know since it's so sudden
A green bag with a white paper with "yellow bag" written on it...
I didn't remember either!
"Blue bag" is what they should call it while going to get it...
It's a green bag though
Did I come up with that myself?
Ah, that's right
A green bag with white paper with "yellow bag" written
While calling it, "red bag"
If you can bring that, then...
I'll call it "black bag" and come get it
A green bag with yellow...
A green bag with white paper with "yellow bag"...
written on it, while calling it "red bag," then I'll
come get it while calling it "black bag"
How am I supposed to remember that??
There's no way!
Isn't a blue bag okay?
Well then, bring a blue bag in an hour!
I understand
Wait a second
Huh, what?
What is it?
Don't be surprised when I say this, but...
Mom is nagging about my call being too long and I have to hang up
Please do hang up
Thank you very much
No good. Nothing landed at all, did it?
What is this?
You skipped the whole damn joke!
Like I could remember
all that "bag bag bag" crap
What were you doing, asking Matsumoto?
We can totally hear you
That- Why- What? How would that make them laugh?
Would talking fast be funny?
Is that the kind era we live in?
There are lots of bags involved
So they aren't getting the joke
Why are lots of bags supposed to be funny?
An era where lots of types of bags
is funny is just unimaginable to me
There was a time!!
I'll do it, but we have to make it make sense to modern audiences!
Easy to understand is the goal!!
We can make it easier
Thank you, thank you
Hello, we're Chidori
Humans are the scariest, aren't they?
How so?
Yellow Bag
Disturbing incidents
Ah, that's true
Small kids that are walking around, just being kidnapped by strangers
Aah, kidnappings are terrifying! Taking small children...
Hello?
Bring me the ransom money
What? Ransom money?
I'm Daigo and I'm located at the Second District
Why would you tell me your name!?
Aren't you going to demand a ransom?
Bring the ransom money
Ransom money?
There's a phone booth in the Third District
You know it?
When you get there, there's going to be people watching so do as I say
Do what you say?
Bring a green bag with a white paper with "yellow bag" written on it
While calling it a "red bag," put it down and thuen
Hey
Put it down and then
I'll call it "black bag" and then I'll come and get it
Wait...
I'm confused...
Who would remember that? A blue bag should be fine
Well then bring a blue bag
I understand!
In an hour, got it?
Yes
Hang on
I don't get it
These guys piss me off
Hey, so
Don't be surprised when I say this, but...
What?
Mom is nagging about my call being too long and I have to hang up
These two...
Please do hang up
Thank you very much
That was malicious
No good, right?
That didn't land at all!!
It didn't land!
Why?
They were too distracted by the bags
Distracted by the bags?
Can't help it!
It's a manzai with so many bags...
It's a bag manzai! It's not a kidnapping manzai!
Scary
You're wrong, dumbass
The tempo of the kidnapping stuff at the start is good
And then it just speeds up when
we get to the damn bags!!
So that means at that point,
it becomes a bag manzai!!
You're wrong, dumbass!
This is impossible for us
We can do something at this level
Lots of colored bags kind of manzai is just impossible for us
Let's just go ask the original creators
Would you cut it out already?
Let's ask the original creators!!
What do you mean?
If we can't get the original guys to do it, it won't work
What are they saying, those two?
Let's try asking
We can't cross into the new year without this
Asking the original creators?
Excuse us
Sorry about that
For everything
We couldn't do it
It was great!
We didn't think it would be that hard...
It isn't hard!
It's a pretty old joke, so...
Daigo has a bit of a proposal...
If it's okay with you, could you, uh, that bag manzai...
It's not a bag manzai
Shouldn't you stop calling it a bag manzai?
Would you two do that kidnapping manzai?
Wait, really?
They want to see the original kidnapping joke
No way...
Will you?
We haven't done this for a long time, we really haven't
That's true, but really...
Yes, understandable
Even when watching you two do it I was like, did we say it that way?
Ah, yeah, yeah
So,
We've prepared cue cards
Cue cards?
Sorry, this is really...
This is absurd!!
Yes, we know it's absurd...
Wow, amazing
This is a decades-old joke
What does he mean by cue cards?
Excuse me
Now, okay...
Stop it with "Okay"
Wait, seriously?
Start from outside
Really?
Yes, really, sorry
Thank you
What the heck?
This is really an old joke
Yeah, really
Yes, this is really quite the occasion...
Really
You can't see it live
Definitely
That's the truth
Would it be better if they maintained the original energy?
Yeah
If they're going to do it, then I'd say so
Please do it with your original energy
All righty
Are they practicing the joke?
Ehhh?
Are they?
They're not
Oh, they're not
The first Downtown manzai in about 30 years
Okay, Downtown, please!
Please go ahead!
Downtown
First manzai in ~30 years
Thank you
Well, well, recently, there have been those
kidnappings and such
of small children, taking them away and other disturbing and messed up things
Yeah, really messed up
Hello?
Yeah, you've got a...
A son in 2nd grade right?
Yes, I do
I've got the 6th grader here
Oh, really?
No, not "Oh, really?"
Hamada, stay sharp please
The hell are you saying?
It's supposed to be, "What the hell?"
It's "What the hell?"
What the hell?
So that I can scare you with this statement
Why would I be scared?
Ah, hello?
Yes
Your son
Yeah
I have him at my place
Huh!?
Why are you saying, "Huh!?" You left him with me this morning
Oh really?
No, not "Oh, really?"
Hamada, it's "What the hell?"
What the hell?
T/N: In manzai, one comedian is the "boke" or "funny man" and the other is the "tsukkomi" or "straight man". It usually goes in the pattern of the funny man saying something dumb and the straight man retorting and pointing it out.
Somehow it turned into funny man, straight man, straight man
What the hell...
Hello
Yes
Bring the ransom money
Ransom money?
I'm Matsumoto from the Second District, so bring the ransom money there
Why would you tell me your name?
Hmm, something's not quite right?
This guy isn't even trying
He's getting a little rusty, come on, try a little
He's using a weird accent too
T/N: If you're unfamiliar with Downtown's manzais, Hamada was known to be a very aggressive tsukkomi. He's gotten really soft over the years so his tsukkomi is lacking now.
Yeah, try a little
I'm gonna be let down you know
Why would you tell me your name?!
Right
Also, don't tell me your location!
Hello
Yes, hello
There's a phone booth in the Third District, know it?
Yes, I know it
There're going to be people watching so do as I say...
Just gotta go for it
Hold up
It was getting to the good part too... So loud
Can't hear the bag part due to rude bikers
On a green bag, on a white piece of paper
This is the part I wanted to hear
Downtown
First manzai in ~30 years
That's really loud!!
What will he do with the bag?
On a white paper, on a green bag, on a white paper
I really want to hear this
This is the one part I want to hear
Seriously?
Why's it gotta be like this...
If you say "blue bag" while putting it there, while saying "green bag" I'll...
That was the part I wanted to hear the most
That was really loud!!
I wanted to hear that the most
Excuse us
That's no good
What?
That's the local Ibaraki culture...
T/N: Ibaraki prefecture is known for their flashy motorcycle culture.
Yeah, that kind of delinquent
Hamada you've got to do it proper, really
"Do it proper," yeah, right!
We haven't practiced even, how many years has it been?
He's been doing quite well considering
Hey now that you think about it, see?
It's a different era now so the type of responses are different
We're leaving
What?
That makes me mad
Suddenly going home
So glad we got to see that
We learned a lot
You guys are terrible!
Excuse us, thank you
You're really messed up
It's as if they tore off our underwear and then up and left
He just launched into it
The 5 can't even take a break
The bus goes to the next laugh assassin's base
The 5 guys aren't taking a break
The bus goes to the next assassin's base
Arrival at bus stop
Ok...
Actresses with a new and novel skit script!
The ones that will bring roars of laughter to your living room are these two
Up and coming actress duo 「3rd & 4th」
The gods of entertainment?
Female manzai duo 「3rd & 4th」
Ashina Sei Hirose Alice
Police officers, there's trouble!
My best friend Ashina's underwear has been stolen!
Catch the person who did this,
and punish them!
Hirose!
Hirose! a girl
shouldn't use such
dirty words!!
I mean, it's Ashina's underwear and all...
T/N: Okazu Club is a different female comedy duo with members Okarina and YuiP.
Complete copy of Okazu Club's joke
Everyone will want it...
You're right...
Officers, to catch the criminal, what should Ashina do?
Eh?!
First, explain in detail what kind of underwear was stolen, you say?
Apologize!
Apologize to Ashina right now!!
Is this your
WAY OF DOING THINGS?!
What?
They didn't laugh at all
Failing a skit on a New Years Eve program, isn't that serious?
Because...
That blonde guy, right in the middle of the skit
he kept on looking at me with such lewd eyes
Was not!
I know, right?
I was wondering, what is this?
I bet he's gone crazy from so much muscle training...
It's gross!!
This guy, when he went to Hawaii with some of his juniors,
He made his juniors take photos
of his muscles that he wanted to upload onto Twitter
And he just wasn't satisfied with them
By the way, these are the photos that were taken...
Just how many did you make them take!!
You're taking a lot of photos, aren't you?
No, that's wrong
You're taking a lot of photos there
It just happened like that
If you're an entertainer you shouldn't be doing muscle training,
you should be training your comedy routine!!
Sing-Along Guy
T/N: "Sing-Along Guy" is someone who performs for sing-along children's TV shows. Kind of similar to Barney, Blue's Clues, etc.
Yokoyama Daisuke
Everyone! Hello!~
Bringing you a lovely song, I am the Sing-Along Guy!!
Hey, you two
It sounded like you were having a quarrel,
about that entertainer who has too much muscle
With the muscle training, there's a proper reason for it
If we sing this song, I'm sure you'll understand
Music start!!
We're all grossed out~
Hitoshi's body really grosses us out
Where did your charisma that made people laugh go?
The only one here is a pro wrestler
What even is your goal? If we look into it,
The cringey reason is it's for your daughter's sake
Even Takeda (Shinji)
T/N: Takeda Shinji is an actor and tarento.
Even Kusano (Hitoshi)
T/N: Kusano Hitoshi is a news announcer.
Even Mandy
T/N: Mandy is a dancer and member of the Japanese pop group, EXILE.
Everyone everyone is training
Because you all want to be popular
That was messed up...
Should we try the joke one more time?
I can't
That guy there (Hamada)
He had his mouth wide open the whole time just spacing out
That's not true
I was not
He was completely spaced out
That's right, that's right, I remember now. This person...
When he went and ate with his juniors,
Wanting to look cool to them,
Said "See ya, thanks for coming out, later!!"
And as he dashed into a car,
Apparently it was a complete stranger's car
And apparently that happened a bunch of times, too
Surely that's not right?
Isn't it crazy how senile he is?
And as well,
The other three are only mid level entertainers
Normally you just read between the lines and laugh right?
Right?
But do you you know him? Hosei
Apparently he really likes
the sweet potato they bring for the recording of Osaka Honwaka TV
After the recording,
Apparently, he gathered up all the leftover
sweet potatoes from the dressing room
That the other entertainers left behind and took it home himself
What a stunningly filthy entertainer
Really?
That's sad...
This guy...
For more than 5 years,
He was a commentator on an Osaka news program
But his comments were so stupid, he was fired recently
And then, apparently feeling a sense of danger,
Suddenly,
Said he wanted to become a "committed dad" entertainer
He approached the producer for the show, "My First Errand"
T/N: "My First Errand" is a show that sends young kids out to run an errand for their parents. Though they are filmed and supervised, the kids are unaware and are mostly on their own.
And was in direct talks about appearing
He just happened to be there... We just talked...
We just talked
And Tanaka...
Apparently a friend of his kid in middle school
came and had a sleepover at his house
And when the kid's friend woke up the next day, this guy
He had ironed his friend's uniform
It sounds like the friend got creeped out from that
I do it for everyone... Everyone...
You're so kind!!
I just did it for everyone... Because I was doing mine as well
What's with that, what's up with that?
Everyone's was there...
But...
That's more than dirty, it's terrifying
pIt's gross
Okay okay, that's enough for now
Sing Along Guy
Kobayashi Yoshihisa
You two have been saying, "you're dirty, you're dirty" about those three
But with entertainers,
They do fine work from being dirty and getting laughs from it
Music Start!!
The sun will come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that good things happen tomorrow! However...
A muscle training addict, Hitoshi
A man that forgets what he eats, Hamada
Post divorce depression, Tanaka
Hoping for a job as a committed dad, Endo
Rakugo life, Hosei
The amount of laughs decreases as time goes on
Gaki no Tsukai
You're all dirty! We're worried about tomorrow
That's just mean
You're all dirty and you're all out
Oi...
I tell them to not leave the photos behind...
Yeah...
We're all in this together, right
It's a good story, though
Accidentally
It's a good story, but
Well yeah it's good, but..
I don't quite understand
what category it belongs in
However, there is one more person they won't let off just yet...
You entered the wrong car?
Well, the car looked exactly like mine
And of course, I leave the restaurant and the car's there.
So I thought it was mine
You can't just assume that
How did you notice it wasn't your car?
Did you get seated before you noticed?
I opened the sliding door in the back
And as soon as I did the driver went "Wrong wrong!!"
"Wrong wrong!!"
He said "Wrong wrong"?
"Wrong wrong"!!
He just went "Wrong wrong!!"?
"Wrong wrong"
"Oh it's Hama-chan!" He didn't say anything like that?
That sounds like you did the same thing the day before yesterday
You made him pretty irritated!!
That's an amazing reaction for being the first time
The driver must have been quite scared too
The place of the special class is within view!!
That's it, right? The special class
Huh?
What?
EH? EH?! EH?
Hey... What is this...?
EH? EH?! EH?
A mysterious ensemble approaches
Someone's coming!
Who is that!?
Oy! You!
Scary!
Get off this bus right now!
General
Kendo Kobayashi
If you don't this little thing will blow your brains out
GET OFF!!
Take them away
So this is how they introduced the black figures
The hell? This is bad
That is that guy, right?
STOP YOUR BLABBERING!!
WOAH!! That's a loud voice!
Stop complaining
Ah, that time it barely came out
So he has a gentle side
This guy is always so mad
He's also really rude
CLIMB THE STAIRS!!
Such a loud voice
No one would defy him
A small step
He should say something about this step
Oy, watch out for this step
Ah, he did
He really can be gentle
His bad guy good guy shtick is all over the place
You have 5 minutes. Change into these
5 minutes is almost nothing
Okay, let's make it 7 minutes
Oh, we get 2 extra minutes
He was laughing the whole time
What an idiot
Laughing out loud
Right!
Please don't say that
Per the mysterious General's instructions, they change clothes
What can be waiting for them!?
You will now participate in our school's special class
If you can't overcome this trial
You'll be blown up!!
Exploding vests
Your vest will explode
What the hell is this?
Escape Game from Hell
Mummy
Strength
Spinning
Explosion
Escape game from hell
Clear the 4 trials and
escape from being blown to bits
Having only you guys here truly makes my eyes sore
So we have one handsome boy prepared for you
GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!!
Nice to meet you
Supporter
Ryo Narita
Hello
Nice to meet you
My name is Narita
Ryo Narita
Academy winner of best newcomer
Participating in
the trials
If you can't complete the trials
your vest will explode
I don't want that
He doesn't seem very eager. Is that okay?
Are you okay?
Supporting actor not at all eager to help
Are you okay?
Yes sir, I'm okay
You sure?
I'm okay
Well then, Narita
Yes sir
To get everyone primed for fight
do a war-cry for us
Uh... Yes
I'll do my best!
He's not ready at all
We don't need that
Didn't your energy just drop a little?
You are allowed to laugh during the trials!!
Laughing is okay
First up is the mummy's sarcophagus!!
This is new
Will we have to cooperate?
That has to be it
The mummy's sarcophagus
Get in here!
The mummy's sarcophagus
Makes your jaw drop, right? This is the mummy's sarcophagus
This must be blowing the budget
The first challenger is Tanaka!!
Eh, please no
Ah, so you're getting in there
I don't want to do this
Get yourself ready
Challenger Tanaka
Rules
Answer 3 questions within 2 minutes
Get them all right and you're clear
If you fail, you will be wrapped like a mummy
plus a severe punishment
Understood?
Yes
Then let's get started!
Yes!
Scary stuff
First Quiz
Printed in the new edition of the elementary school picture book "NEO"
Name 10 species of sharks
Okay, I can do this
He's good at this
This really is a new pattern
Sandbar Shark
Bull Shark
Megamouth Shark
Whale Shark
Hammerhead Shark​
Scalloped Hammerhead
Great Hammerhead
Goblin Shark
Frilled Shark
Smalleye Pygmy Shark
Wow, he can do this!
Almost there!
Smooth Lanternshark
Roughskin Dogfish
Sand Tiger Shark​
This is getting hard
Sand tiger shark​
Tawny Nurse Shark​
Isn't this too hard?
Slender Bamboo Shark
About 1 minute left
Only 3 left!
Blackbelly Lanternshark
Incredible!
Dogfish
Ah, it's so close!
Oh no!
It's coming!
Japanese Grenadier
It's up to his chest!
Blue Shark​
Can he do it?
Shortfin Mako Shark
1st quiz cleared
First quiz cleared with 38 seconds left
38 seconds... I used way too much time
How are you feeling, Tanaka?
I messed up the pacing, didn't I?
Well then, next quiz
Will he be okay?
Second Quiz
T/N: M-1 Grand Prix is the biggest manzai competition show that occurs annually where Matsumoto is one of the regular judges.
Of the M-1 Grand Prix
Name 10 previous winners
Oh, that's also really difficult
Nakagawake
Sandwich Man
NON STYLE
Time is running out
You've got 3 so far
Isn't it best to do them in order?
BLACK MAYONNAISE
TUTORIAL
5 left! 15 seconds
Masuda Okada
Eh.. Slim.. No not Slimclub..
A complete mummy!
I don't like this!!
He became a proper mummy
He became a mummy so fast
So that's how I looked
He became a mummy in less than a blink
A real mummy!
I can't do this!
We have another punishment too
Eh, why!?
And that is THIS!
What? I'm scared!
Rancid CO gas punishment
2
Stand by!
FIRE!
Ueghh it stinks!
What is this?
TANAKA!
It stinks!
It smells so bad!
We don't mess around
He got sealed up
This is what happens if you can't name the winners of M-1
Ueughh, it stinks!
The next challenger is MATSUMOTO HAMADA!!
It's the both of you
You can't be serious
Get up on the mummy machine!
Still stinks!
Next challengers Matsumoto Hamada
Embrace each other!!
How does it feel? Feeling the warmth
There's more than I thought
There is?
Hamada, how about you?
Yes?
Can you feel the warmth?
Thank you
Should I take that as gratitude?
Rules
3 minutes to beat 3 quizzes
Rules
Both will be wrapped into a mummy if they fail
and also suffer a strict punishment
Damn
Let's go
First Quiz
T/N: "King of Skits" or also known as "King of Conte" is a TV competition of the best short comedy skits. Downtown has been host and judge of this show.
From King of Skits, which you host
Name 5 previous winners
Yeah
Start!
Buffalo Goro
Quick!
Quick
Tokyo 03
You got it
Tokyo 03
Rice
Good good
Ugh I'm really panicking here!
THOSE GUYS
Which one?
Viking
Oh, Viking
Viking
Hurry up
Hamada, you say something!
Oh I don't know any of them
You know one!
Just one more, one last group
Kamaitachi!
Kamaitachi
Wonderful!
Round 1 Success
What?
Stop the time!
We're really stuck together
Seriously, he's doing nothing
Hamada, try naming just one group
King of Skits?
King of Skits
Do I do that?
But we cleared it, right?
You cleared it
I felt like that was fast
The timer has 2 minutes, 26 seconds remaining
Still have time
Thank you
Still quite a bit left
Second Quiz
From the Yoshimoto Agency
Name 5 solo female acts
Because of Hamada...
There's Tomochika, right?
Tomochika
And Yuriyan?
Yuriyan Retriever
There's the really thin one
The really thin one?
Who?
Who was it?
Well, doesn't matter if it's not the really thin one...
There are still plenty
It would be alright if she wasn't really thin
Who else is there?
ASIAN
No, that's a duo act
Your natural stupidity is showing!!
Edo Harumi!
Edo Harumi
Ohh Edo
Two left, you have lots of choices!
Who is there?
Yokosawa Natsuko!
Yokosawa Natsuko
Just one left!
Hamada give us one
Just one more
Hamada give us one
Who's that skinny girl?
I said I can't remember the skinny girl's name
But she's the only solo act I can think of
The super skinny one
1 minute, 30 seconds remaining
Think!
You aren't naming anyone
The one with the clothes drying rack, is she from Yoshimoto?
She's not with Yoshimoto
No?
Makino Suteteko?
Makino Suteteko
She's completely different!!
No!
We don't have time for this!
Who is it?
Who else?
Who's the last one?
There's...
A solo
I don't... Yamada Hanako!
Yamada Hanako
Watanabe Naomi!
Right, Naomi
Round 2 Success
See, there's a mountain of them
Who else?
Daita Hikaru
Oniyakko
Other Answers
Daita Hikaru
Ahhh
Yeah...
Oniyakko
Right!
Oh, Oniyakko
This next quiz is a huge freebie
Ok
This next quiz is a huge freebie
What?
Last New Year's Eve Matsumoto received this same quiz
And last year had the exact same questions
So you should have no trouble
Hollywood Star Name Pop Quiz
Last time, he was quizzed on celebrity names
Last year Matsumoto really struggled with these questions
Who's next?
I have no clue
Hamada, for me this is completely hopeless
What the hell?
You have just 1 minute remaining
Third Quiz
You've got this!
Yeah
Hollywood Stars
Name all 5 pictured
Please name all 5 of the foreign celebrities pictured here
Right right right
In no particular order, right?
Yes
Nicholas Cage
Where is he?
Quick quick!
Tom Hanks
Ohhh that one is uh
Tommy Lee Jones
Right right right, who's that on the left?
The second one?
From the left
Keanu Reeves
Two more!
Michael J. Fox
Uh and who's that?
Uh it's uh it's
"Uh it's"?
That's uh I know it
Leonardo Dicaprio
Ah! Yes! Yes!
Leonardo Dicaprio
Why'd you go and win?
Of course we would
I really wanted to see a Downtown mummy...
We wanted to see a Downtown mummy!
What, why?
What are you doing giving a thumbs up to your partner when you both won?
How was it, Narita?
I know I should be happy, but y'know...
Nah
It ended so softly...
You kind of wanted to see it?
I kind of did
With this Hollywood star-like behavior
The wrath of the gods has been pacified...
They move outdoors to challenge the next stage
The next escape challenge
Is going to slaughter all of you
This is crazy
Look at that!!
What's that?
What the heck is that?
What?
I'll have you climb this rope
Superhuman Strength Stage
Climb the rope and break the ball
Climb the rope and break open the ball
to win this Superhuman Strength Stage
The ball is 8 meters high, so can they do it!?
T/N: 8 meters is about 26.25ft.
Can they climb it!?
Can you even break that?
With one hand?
One handed is just not possible
Among you, only 1 challenger needs to succeed for a clear
Rules
Okay
That's high~
OK OK
If you fail, the leader will receive a punishment
Leader?
Challengers
Hosei Leader: Matsumoto
I'm the leader now?
I'm hearing this for the first time
Matsumoto is the leader
Now I'm the leader and I just did the mummy thing...
Isn't that an awful lot for me?
Prepare yourselves!!
He's not even going to listen to me...
First up is Hosei!
Challenger: Hosei
Let's go!
Yeah!
Challenge
It'd be nice if we could end it here
We're really counting on you
You seem awfully confident?
T/N: Kendo is a swords martial arts with bamboo and wooden swords.
I practiced Kendo until my 3rd year of middle school
That's old news
How old are you now?
That's forever ago
51 years old
That's over 40 years ago
Well then, let's go!!
Good luck!
Go for it!
Uh Hosei?
Do it!
Hosei?
This is awful!
GO! JUST GO!
That's good!
OK Hosei!
Hosei
Good, good, let's go Hosei!
Yes!
Don't look down!! If you look down you'll get scared!!
Yes!
As if that's scary!!
His feet are on the ground
If you look down your legs will be paralyzed with fear!!
Yes!
Your feet are on the ground!!
Giving up already?!
Hosei?
Really?
Let's go!
Hosei Fails
Crap!!
He says "Crap!" even though
Barely anything, huh?
His feet were on the ground the whole time
Alright, Matsumoto!
Me?
Challenger Matsumoto
If I need to I can let go, right?
You can let go safely
Oh really?
Oi, Matsumoto
Yes
Because this is a "Superhuman Strength Stage"
You can use your
Arms only
Seriously?
The leader Matsumoto will climb with only his arms
He can't use his legs?
Yeah
Climb with only your arms!
Now, let's go!
Huh? Hold on
Okay
Let's go!!
I'm going
Matsumoto's challenge
You can do it, Leader!
Wow
Leader!
You can do it!
He's got a crazy under bite!
Why is he sticking out his chin like that?
Leader, you're amazing!
Matsumoto Success
That was awful
Really?
Leader, that was amazing!!
It was really bad
You really got it!
As expected of our leader
Hell yeah!
Leader!
You beat it, leader!
What was with that under bite?
He's been like that
He's been like that? Oh, I see!
Man, that was pretty tough
It was tough
Hell Escape Game
Mummy
Strength
Spinning
Explosion
The next stage of the Hell Escape Game is...
The next challenge you'll be doing
Is this stage!!
To test your sense of balance, the Spinning Stage!!
Oh no this is rough
That's unexpected
Spin 30 times and then walk straight to make it to the goal in 10 seconds
Spinning Stage
Fall into the flour hell on either side and lose
Rules
There will be 3 challengers
If they all fail, the leader will receive a punishment
Challengers
Tanaka
Narita
Leader: Hamada
Hosei
No way...
The first challenger is
Tanaka
But after this
Something extraordinary happens!
Goal
Challenger: Tanaka
Use both hands to grip the white rods on either side
Oh, sorry, okay!
Shouldn't you hold it lower?
Well then
Lower
Spinning Machine
It doesn't matter
Here's a counter
That's fast!
It's too fast!
I can't! It's too much! I feel sick!
It was so bad
10 spins left!
That speed!
It was 30 spins after all
30 spins cleared! Start!
Woah
Go quickly!
If he falls into the flour he's... OUT!
What just happaned?
What the heck was that?
What the hell, man
That was the worst performance!!
You gotta do better than that
You're kidding me, right?
Did that really just happen!?
That was no good
Start!
Go quickly!
If he falls into the flour he's... OUT!
What just happened?
That doesn't make sense
No, it does
You stopped there!
You rolled to the side after stopping
Rolling, rolling, rolling
My head was spinning, okay?
Why did you roll that way?
I couldn't stop my body
Stop lying
You stopped on the ground, then rolled over
Stopped and rolled
Is that even possible?
It's possible
Are you serious?
Watch the replay and you'll be shocked
This machine has that effect
Exactly!
Really?
And next up, Narita will surely suffer the same fate
I'm counting on you, man
Stay on standby, Narita!
Good luck
It looks even scarier after seeing that
Challenger Narita Ryo
Next up, Narita Ryo
Don't mess up, Narita!
It was seriously hard
You can do it
Make it happen!
Okay
And don't fly off
Alright then,
Begin the spin!
Here I go
Oh crap!!
My legs are gonna fall off!!
I can see that
Eh! Wait!
Wait! This is bad!
20 spins left!
His legs are going to fall off?
This isn't good at all!
His legs are going to fall off?
I can't keep up!
Hang in there
Seriously! My legs!
Your legs are going to fall off?
His legs can't keep up
My legs! It hurts! Seriously!
C'mon, you can do it!
You can do it!
Go!
You can do it!
Start!
Can he do it?
This is accurate
True
This is accurate
This!! This!!
Tanaka, like this!
That is one way but
I was doing seriously doing my best
Narita showed the the way it should be!!
No no! I think so too! That was great
Yeah, that's bound to happen
That was great
Normally you would run this way
This way
I don't remember a thing.
Eh?
I was just heading straight
Really?
You spun clockwise so you'd naturally sway to the right
Yep, exactly
You faced the right way, but rolled the other way
I can't believe it
It makes no sense!
Give me a break!
I have to agree that it was unnatural
This was just too much
No, seriously! These things can happen too, right?
No way! Narita spun clockwise so he swayed this way
That's right
There's no control of your body, right?
You were focusing on running straight, weren't you?
Yes
I can understand that, I can sympathize with that
Yeah, that will happen
Right?
Landed onto his nose then kept rolling
It's just like the convenience store's hand-rolled sushi
In terms of how it's made, yeah
It's kinda like that
In the end, it's impossible. There's no way we can do it
There is only one man who is good at this
I'm not good!
Leader!
Back in the day I used to be good,
but I haven't done it in years
As you're the leader, that means...
50 spins!
50 spins is crazy
Leader Hamada challenges 50 spins
Seriously?
50?
Stop messing around!
Legend, you're up
Challenger Hamada
56-year-old Hamada Masatoshi. Can he prove that his skills still exist?
Good luck, Hamada-san
Why the heck is it 50? 30 was enough!
Alright then, let the spin begin!
50 spins...
50 is quite a lot
Whoa! I'm going to fly off!
I'm really going fly off!
It's a breeze for him
He's having fun!
My legs! My legs are going to fly off!
He's having so much fun!
No, seriously!
Narita was saying this too, my legs will seriously fly off!
It's too easy for him
I'm getting dizzy just watching
Same
30! You've reached 30!
My legs are going to fly off!
Almost 40!
Almost 40! Hang in there, Hamada-san!
10 spins left!
No, no, no!
This is amazing
Forty-four, five...
No way! This is impossible
Hamada-san!
My head is spinning like crazy!
Go for it!
You can do it!
Wow!
Unbelievable!
It's not as good as before, but he's still got it
I would've sped through that in the past
That was truly amazing
In the past he actually ran normally
Just like a video game character
From the NES generation
T/N: NES as in Nintendo Entertainment System. This is the console before the Super Nintendo (SNES) that used floppy disks for games before they changed to using cartridges.
That's how those game characters walked in those days
Who runs like that?
Cleared!
Thanks!
Well done
Mummy
Strength
Spinning
Explosion
Hell Escape Game
And now, they've reached the final challenge
What the...
No way
It's huge
This is the last escape game
Between the Explosions
This is the last escape game. Between the Explosions!
Here you will
choose 1 member to go on the reverse bungee
One member will be strapped on the reverse bungee.
All other members must answer questions correctly to pass.
Rules
The other five members must complete a quiz
If all members answer correctly, then the chosen member is released
However if even one member fails to answer
The reverse bungee is launched
Into the air, followed by explosions, then death
That's stupid
That's insane
First, decide who will ride the reverse bungee
Discuss, then choose one person
You guys should choose
Ready, set, Narita
No, no, no. It can't be
Narita is your choice?
No way
This is Gaki no Tsukai
Of course
This is your baptism
This is Downtown's Gaki no Tsukai!
You weren't listening!
Matsumoto-san, explain to him that if you fly
I will literally soil myself
Do you really want to see that?
Yeah, not really...
Alright then!
I have no other choice but to do this, don't I?
No other choice
Standby!
We'll all answer the question for you!
The reverse bungee victim is Narita Ryo
Thus, Narita Ryo is sacrificed for the reverse bungee
It'll be alright
There's no way it will snap and send you to the national highway, right?
Not a chance
Even if it does, I will do something about it
You will do something about it?
He will do something if it happens
Narita, how are you feeling?
Yes
Narita, how are you feeling?
This is the worst
All we have to do is answer correctly, right?
Please. I'm counting on you guys
We'll set you free
Here are the rules
Okay
Time limit 2 minutes
Rules
I'm counting on you!
Two minutes!
Two minutes?
Well then
The question is this!
Who's the smart one?
Matsumoto
Hamada
Hosei
Tanaka
Endo
Who's the smart one?
Whoever has the answer, please start
What does that mean?
Smart one?
Please answer it
You have two minutes
Who is the smart one...
Who is smart one?
State the name and reason
Hm?
Eh? What does it mean? What does it mean?
I didn't get this one at all
It's is a riddle
A riddle, really?
No one is moving
Please start talking
Hey!
Who's the smart one?
Who is the smart one in the group!?
State the name and reason
Seriously, please let us know
I seriously don't get it
Who's the smart one?
Matsumoto-san
Whenever you're ready
The reason is... Correct!
Yeah!
Hosei Correct
Thank you so much! Wait, all of you guys have to answer...?
The reason is... Correct!
Matsumoto Correct
You can do it!
The reason is... Correct!
I have no clue
The reason is... Correct!
Tanaka Correct
Nice!
It'll be alright, Narita!
Only two people left
You can solve it
We'll save you, Ryo!
You can solve it!
Please answer it!
They already solved it. They're just pretending
For the drama?
30 seconds left!
I seriously have no idea
I already solved it without looking,
you know!
20 seconds left!
The smart one!
Please!
15! 15 seconds!
Look at it from another perspective!
The alphabet!
Hint! It's a hint!
TEN... NINE... EIGHT
Change it into the alphabet!
The alphabet
Please answer it!
Correct!
Hurry up!
Time's up!
Hamada-san!
Yes?
What on earth are you doing!!
Who cares if it's for the drama or whatever
Seriously, I have no idea
The biggest hint is the alphabet
It's the alphabet, man
Who's the smart one?
The alphabet?
Who starts with the letter "E"?
T/N: In Japanese, "smart person" is phrased as, "one with a good head". However, another interpretation would be, "one with 'E' at the start" because the word for "good" is pronounced just like the letter "E" and "head" can be interpreted as "the start".
Who starts with the letter "E"?
Yeah, that's it
Ah, name that starts with "E"! Endo!
ANSWER Endo Shozo
T/N: Hamada struggled because Japanese is a phonetic language, meaning that each letter/syllable is only pronounced in one way. So the "E" in "Endo" is always an "eh" sound, never an "ii" sound. "Romaji" means the romanization of the Japanese language.
Spelled in romaji, the "E" is pronounced as "ii"
Ryo, my bad!!
Why are you laughing?!
HAMADA-SAN
Please don't laugh!
We are truly sorry
As we're all aware
Into the sky, followed by explosions, then death
To make up for the disappointment
let's at least have the explosion be brilliant
Narita-kun, any last words?
Let's hear it
I don't care what happens to you all!!
It seems he has accepted his fate
Let's begin
Well then, launching in
I wouldn't like to be in his shoes
Three!
Brace yourself!
Launch!
That's crazy!
Cracking up
That is hell
Cracking up
That is hell!
That was scary
I know, right
If he soiled himself I wouldn't be surprised
Yeah
Are you okay?
It's-it's still moving
Want to go a second round?
I no go!!
I no go?
I no go!!
You will no go, right?
Guys, was everything okay ?
Yeah
That was a great experience, huh
I'm not okay!!
Narita Ryo-san, thank you very much
Wait ah...
Thank you!
Wait ah...
He's God
That was amazing
He's like the Supreme Commander
Supreme Commander
Oh yeah, true!
He'll make commands
Please hurry up and release me~!!
He's so cool
The harsh escape games are over
That concludes the escape game
Laughing traps will only get harsher from now on
We can't trust you anymore, Tanaka
No, no. You can't...
This will cling on to you forever
Well a little bit
You fell in the opposite direction of the spin
That's right
You looked so dizzy
and went spinning
That's not true! That's not true!!
That'd be quite suspicious
No, but that's what happened
That's the only way you could look at it
Please look at it
and then everyone can judge if that's true
I am ao ao ao ao
See, even your jaws can't move properly
You're all shaken
6 hours have passed of their school life
Special class has ended, now returning to the classroom
We‘re back
We sure are
Geez...
Notice
The drawers have all been reset
The drawers
have all been reset
Who's behind this?
Once again
It's only the contents
The surroundings are the same
That's true
It is true
Yeah, it's the same
For real
Shall we go for the drawers then?
It did say that they've all been reset, just to inform us
Shall we do it?
Let us
Yeah, let us. We to have to cross this bridge eventually anyway
Eh, but...
Tanaka as the first one up
Here I go
Another key
Key for locker no. 1
Key?
Makes sense since there are still many unopened lockers
No. 1
Locker no. 1
No. 1?
Isn't no. 1 huge?
It is huge
Will this be okay?
What is it?
It's in a wooden box
There's a fragile sticker on the side
A mysterious item in a wooden box
It says fragile
It's a wooden box
Yes, it's in a solid box
I will open it
Eh, what is it?
What the hell?
A Bottled Baby Gorilla Hamada
It's made so well
What is that thing?
It's so well-made and cute to boot
It really is well-made
It's so damn cute
It is cute
Cute
For real
Don't you find it cute?
It is so cute
It really is so damn cute
The heck you doing?
Sorry. Because it's so cute
Can we take it out?
I think we can
Will the neck snap?
It's so real
Grab it by the body
He's angry because of the way you held it
Why did you keep grabbing it by the head?
So cute!
It's no good if you don't embrace it
It's like a newborn baby
Let's have him be held
Please hold it in your arms
Well it's not an issue of embracing it or not
His neck is still weak
Hold up
The eyes are still not...
He probably can't see well yet...
This is a happy moment
It's not about happiness or any of that...
Could you embrace him?
It's just a doll so I don't care
What's up with this
So cute
It's a baby gorilla
You should take it home with you
That's right
That would be good
Good idea
It keeps looking
It keeps...
Really
Right right
Should we lull it to sleep somewhere?
It's not a living thing just a doll...
But our affection to it is real
That's right. This is no simple matter, we need to...
It's not about lulling it to sleep
Right
I'd wish for them to make one of all the members
It's always only Hamada...
But could it be...
Take a look?
Huh?
Would be nice to get as a present
I would be delighted
See?
Key to locker no. 3
See!
There might be one
Everyone is getting
Probably not a present
I want to get them all
That would be nice
Eh!?
There's something inside
Mysterious pouch & letter
See?
It says to read it before opening the pouch
Why is the bag so huge?
The Invincible School Jacket:
The legendary jacket worn by the invincible gang leader.
Putting this on will grant you the highest authority in the classroom
As the invincible gang leader, you can order the students around
and of course you can also talk informal to everyone
Furthermore if you laugh, the punishment
may be given to other students
It's worse than the baggy pants
A king
It's like a freaking king!!
Invincible
And why is Hosei getting this?
Series: Strongest items
We are getting many lucky items
Lucky items...
But it should've just ended with Tanaka's baggy pants...
Right?
Shouldn't this belong to Hamada?
The Legendary Gang Leader
The passionate lover of Ogawa Natsumi
T/N: Ogawa Natsumi is Hamada's wife.
What's up with that?
Shouldn't it be different?
What the...
Doesn't this belong to Hamada?
Right, originally it should've been
What's up with that?
What do you mean? It's an Invincible Jacket
It says, "Natsumi for Life"
That's right
Together with Natsumi for 30 years and since then to now, I love you
Yankee style
What a powerful message
Right
Such affection
As it says on the card
While I don't want to speak informally
Imma do it!!
With Cocorico, you already have been
That's right
But if you go too far with it
it will give you a bad image
For reals?
Scary scary scary
Why do you keep staring?
If you do that you will drag Downtown down...
That's right
Getting real thirsty
Getting real thirsty!
Oi!! Sakurada Junko
T/N: Sakurada Junko is a Japanese singer and actress who retired from show business. Tanaka may possibly be called by her name due to kind of having a similar hairstyle when she was young.
Taking a lot of liberties
Go an' guess what I wanna drink
T/N: The formal way of saying tea which is "cha" is "ocha". Tanaka dropped the formal "o" prefix to make it informal, but it sounds odd because almost no one uses the informal word for tea.
How 'bout tea?
Tea?
Did you just say tea?
Come on, that had nothing to do with anything, get it together
Me too? No way
Ah he's not getting slapped
The Invincible Jacket!
Can't you order someone to be slapped?
Ah, I see
Right
I feel so bad for poor Hamada
Matsumoto
Really, right here hurts, the pain is getting intense!!
Surprised me
I can feel it right here
Surprised me
The pain in my butt is getting worse
I will also take a peek
Something superior might appear
Something that could beat...
See? Here it is!
Everyone is getting keys
Key to locker no. 28
That's right
Number 28
28 is this way
Might be superior to the invincible items
Freaking huge!!
Eh, is it huge?
What could it be?
What is it?
Wait. What is it?
Hold up
Mysterious pouch
It's huge
Might be another invincible thing
From the invincible series
Funny macho doll
So cool looking
It's amazing
This thing is impressive
What is this thing?
That face though...
But hold up!!
For real, right?
Right
Think about praising me or something...
We've known each other for a long time
It's like we are brothers...
Haven't you grown more hair since last year?
Hamada
It was too obvious
Too obvious
Wait, that's not it, I just thought, "Oh, maybe that's it"
No way because it was too obvious
What is that thing?
It's like an exact replica?
It's pretty well-made
What a hot bod
Let's put them together
Poooooooooot
Ehh?
It made a sound?
What's up
What did it...
What a freaky shriek!?
What's worse is that he has the invincible item
Wait
Every time
Endo
Eh? Why?
Why?
This isn't good, is it?
This sucks
This school leader is no good
Right?
It's because it's an Invincible Jacket!!
You say it's invincible, but
You aren't really using it well
It's bad
Using it like that is no good!!
The way I'm using it?
Tsukitei Hosei, you better shut the hell up already!!
What was that?
Something about Hosei
TN: Minamino Yoko is the actress playing the same role in the series "Sukeban Deka" which translates to "Delinquent Girl Detective".
Minamino Yoko
Delinquent Girl Detective
Holy crap, it's the Delinquent Girl Detective!!
Everyone sit your asses down!
Wow!
It's Delinquent Girl Detective!
With an iron mask hiding his face for 17 years
T/N: This was her actual dialog in the original Sukeban Deka show.
Surviving with only the skin on his back,
this is the fate of the police's minions
But
Even for someone like me,
I haven't forgotten about the precious things I love!!
I am the second Delinquent Girl Detective, Asamiya Saki!!
Throwing away love, taking advantage of the weakness of others' hearts:
The scoundrel Tsukitei Hosei!!
Your ass is unforgivable!!
That's right
She got it out
Wow, it's the real deal!
T/N: That is her detective's badge/yoyo, identical to the one from the show.
Wow
She was right in the center of our generation
Delinquent Girl Detective's Objective
Judge the evil deeds of Hosei
He really did
Yeah, that's why it's crazy
That's right
You used violence!!
Violence? But...
Well, here she comes
Sub-human scum, Tsukitei Hosei
This time I'm sending you straight to hell!!
This is a final act of pity!!
So that you may rest in peace
I'll allow you to eat your favorite food
What's your favorite food? TELL ME!!
Sweet and sour pork, please
SWEET AND SOUR PORK!?
With an iron mask hiding his face for 17 years
Surviving with only the skin on his back
The hellish monologue loops endlessly
This is the fate of police's minions
Even for someone like me, I haven't forgotten about the precious things I love
The 2nd Delinquent Girl Detective, Asamiya Saki!!
Always fumbling away with his beginner level Rakugo,
filling only his own belly with sweet and sour pork!!
Using the traditional arts... You great swindler, Tsukitei Hosei!
Your ass is unforgivable!!
What the hell...
Extending my authority as the legendary delinquent leader,
sub-human scum, Tsukitei Hosei
This "Justice Yoyo" will send you to hell
Phbt
I hoped you would've finished it
You really held out!
Amazingly blunt
Asamiya-san, please keep it smooth
Asamiya-san, that blunt delivery...
Right?
I thought that my...
UGH! We're getting nowhere!
For you,
This climax is befitting for someone like you!
Thai Kick for the Evil Hosei
Why is he here?
But she was saying
In my place,
This man will give you what you deserve!!
Iron mask
UWAAAAAA!!!!!!
Thai Kick Enforcer
Current World Champion Nasukawa Tenshin
T/N: Nasukawa Tenshin is the current Rizin Kickboxing featherweight world champion, as well as former Rizin bantamweight champion, and 2017 Rizin kickboxing flyweight tournement champion.
No way! Wait! Wait! Stop! This isn't the usual guy!!
It's Tenshin!
You're not... WAIT!!
Don't move so much
Don't thrash around!
It'll be the same, it's just that he's Tenshin
Don't fight back
WAIT WAIT!!
Relax, don't move around too much, it'll make it worse
Don't move around
It won't go well
Wait wait, no... No...
NOOO PLEASE WAIT!! I'm scared, what are you doing?!
Hosei! I'll send you to hell!!
Yes!
OOwwowwowwowwwowow!!!
I'll send you to hell!
OOwwowwowwowwwowow!!!
Well, let's go now
Ow
Look Tanaka, this is it!!
This is the real thing
That hurts
Oh it hurts
This had to hurt
Definitely painful
Wow, that really was something
He's a current world champion after all
That was good!
He tore you up!
That's just...
He's torn up!!
ow ow ow ow ow
Tanaka would get right up afterwards, though
He'd just casually get up like nothing
Are you okay?
See? See? He can't get up
Tanaka would already be standing up by now
Honestly, even I wouldn't be able to stand after that. I understand how you feel
Where does it hurt?
Honestly... My... Uh...
My asshole area really hurts...
Your asshole region hurts, huh? But take off the jacket, and heal your heart
Right, that's right
You need to change out of that and change yourself too
That's what got you kicked
Ah ow
What's with this invincibility stuff?
Oh I haven't gone yet
No, you haven't
Key to Locker #27
They've all been lockers, right?
It's that big sucker there
They all have been
This drawer series
Tanaka, that's no good, if you're able to get up and walk around that quickly...
That's the willpower of a professional
Ahhh again!!
Mysterious pouch
It's this pattern
I'm through with this pattern
It's scary!
What's in it?
A guillotine hood
Yes
That's a big drawstring
Tsk!!
The hell is this?
Funny Baby Gorilla Hamada Doll
They're all so great
They're really pushing this, aren't they
They're really great, even down to the delivery
They're all so good
They're really pushing this
Booo
Is the mechanism not obvious?
You squeeze it...?
It was so much
Baby Gorilla Hamada Doll
Lets out a yell when you squeeze his belly
With the Matsumoto one, what if you squeezed it really hard...
Ah, if you squeezed it really hard
Around the abs
Squeeze it as hard as you can and see...
Like this?
What the hell is that!!
I hate how high pitched it is
What is that even?
Seriously what is with that?
What is that?
Why was it so high?
The muscularity is probably why
I guess that's what you get when you squeeze too hard
Oh wait, it's still sunken in
I didn't realize!
So it's like that
Yeah it is
If you press it too much, then...
Like that, if you press too hard
I'm sure it's got its own sweet spot to it for sure
It does
You're really pushing it
It's manzai performed by Downtown
Downtown's manzai
What the hell is this
A popular man yells from the rooftop!!
Finally we're in the second half, a popular man yells from the rooftop
There's something I want to say!!
Huge Celebrity
Appearance!
8 hours of student life
There's no time for these five to rest
No I don't think so
Yeah
Everyone good?
For some reason there are students gathered outside,
it seems like something is going on
On the grounds they'll observe an event
That's vague!
This is really dumb
Seriously
Would be better to just go and then come back
You should go to the bathroom
I did
Oh you did?
Is the superintendent coming to this, too?
I wonder
What!?
I wonder how that asshole is getting home
I bet he's walkin'
The thugs that picked on Ito-kun in the bathroom
His face was hilarious!
That was so damn funny
They slapped him
Bullies?
They're really no good
Yeah, they were mean to Ito-san
Oh right
Someone's standing
Let's get closer
Huh?
What's going on?
Perhaps?
Who is it?
Ito-san...
What happened?
He's looking at something
So high up
It's put...
...so high up
Whoa it's his bicycle
That position is quite something
Really...
You're being bullied
They must've worked hard for it
That's why they were holding that thing
Right, the seat
They had the seat
I want to help somehow, but...
We can't really do anything
We can't reach it
Bullying is bad you guys
Of course
We know
We understand
We can't do anything about it
Shouldn't we call someone
to get that thing down from the tree?
We probably should
I agree
His pants also probably got taken...
Seems that way
They got his pants
They're already gathered.
Oh they are
Let's get going
It's true
What is that?
The students are watching the roof of the building
What's happening?
Okay guys, line up in front of everyone
Let's look at the roof
Yes, sir
Is something gonna come out?
Professional Japanese Rugby Player
Isileli Nakajima
T/N: Isileli is originally from Tonga, moved to Japan as a teenager, and his Japanese last name actually comes from his Japanese wife so his Japanese is not great and has a thick accent.
I'm First Year...
...Class 1...
Isileli Nakajima!
Wha-?
Omamegaoka High School Tradition
Students make assertions from the roof
There is something important...
...I have to say!
What is it?
Ever since I came to Japan
I've been a fan of Downtown
I even watch Gaki no Tsukai every time
We're very thankful
Especially, Silent Library, I love it!
Is that so?
Wow
But there is something
that bothers me
I see
What is it?
As soon as I bleached my hair, people started saying
"You look like him, you look like him" and compare me to Macchan
I'm not going for his look anyway
And besides, I am Tongan, born and raised
Now, I'll sing to you common happenings in Tonga,
in the melody of "Yesterday" by The Beatles
Really!?
Common happenings, I want to talk about common happenings in Tonga
Is that how the song goes?
It's a bit off isn't it?
Omamegaoka High school Student's Assertion
He can't get the key for "Yesterday"
Yesterday..
That's why we couldn't get it
He can't get the pitch
I want to say them
He got it a little
Happenings~ Tonga's common happenings~ I want to tell them
I can hear it, a little
I don't hear it personally
Right...
"Yesterday" is not coming through
Right
I can't hear it
Common things~ I want to tell them quickly
Oh, this is kinda...
Tonga's common happenings~ I want to tell them quickly
You can say them now
Which part of "Yesterday" is this?
Tonga's common happenings~
What the hell is this
Bananas are usually fried~
Bananas are usually fried
That ain't something to cheer
Bananas are usually fried huh?
That's whats happening in Tonga
Okay okay...
That's it...
Right...
There's more?
There seems to be more
Fuku Suzuki
T/N: Fuku Suzuki is a Japanese actor who has appeared in many dramas, movies, and variety shows.
I'm Fuku Suzuki from Third Year Class A
That was unexpected
There's something I want to tell you all today
What is it?
I'm going to use my courage to say the things
I could not say, but
I always thought about in regards to everyone
Tell us!!
YO TV PRODUCERS!!
THE SWEETS IN THE GREEN ROOM ARE TOO SWEET!!
Omamegaoka High school Student's Assertion
The true feelings of a child star
DON'T THINK I'LL BE HAPPY WITH THINGS LIKE COOKIES AND OTHER SWEETS!!
INCLUDE SOME DAMN SALTY CRACKERS
I'M ALREADY 15 YEARS OLD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE~!!
Treating me and my brother the same way...
T/N: Fuku has a 6-year-old brother who is also a child star.
Everybody's like "Fuku-kun Fuku-kun"
T/N: The -kun suffix is generally used for children, particularly boys. The -san suffix is formal for people who you should show respect to. Basically, Fuku is demanding respect.
I've spent 14 years in this business
It's not Fuku-kun, it's Fuku-san to all of you!!
Fuku-san is pretty weird to say
Everybody treats me like I'm a kid
I'm already HAIRY DOWN THERE!!
That took some courage
It did
Right?
Well said well said
The built up tension
There's more to it for sure
Yeah
He doesn't want the kid treatment
Right? His image...
There's nothing to do
Shinji Yamashita
T/N: Shinji Yamashita is a famous actor and tarento. He's known for his roles in dramas, movies, plays, and variety shows.
Third Year Class B, my name is Shinji Yamashita
Today, I'd like to say something
...To the people at NTV
What is it?
Don't ask me rugby related
questions!
Lead actor of legendary drama series "School Wars"
T/N: Shinji played the rugby team coach in "School Wars".
Shinji Yamashita
32 y.o. at the time
I haven't done any rugby outside of the drama!
As if I'd know anything about the details of the rules!
A while ago, I was told my comments
about the Japanese National Rugby Team were too weak
And then,
For 35 years,
"One for all!! All for one!!"
I've only been using that line!!
You think just by using the "School Wars" theme music
you can get away with anything
I bet you're putting it on right now as well!
They are indeed playing it
Certainly
T/N: Yoshimasa Iwahashi is part of the comedian manzai duo, Plus Minus.
Yoshimasa Iwahashi
Plus Minus
2nd Year Class A
I'm Plus Minus' Iwahashi
Oh right Iwahashi
Iwahashi
Today I will talk...
Please stop that
His body responds to triggers unwillingly
T/N: He has Tourette's Syndrome, making him react to certain triggers.
It's instinctive
I react to it. Hamada-san! I came to talk about you!
He reacts to it
He'll react to it
Oh really?
I will say everything that
I couldn't say until now
Okay
13 years ago, when I got to meet
Hamada-san for the first time
I was warned because of my weird tics
by my senpais, and it made me troubled
He can't help, but react
He reacted
His tic reacting
to the sound
Hemmingway, ocean view
THAT MAKES ME FORGET!!
When you make the sound, he can't help but react to it
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!
Sorry sorry
We're listening
13 years ago, when we first met
I was worried about my tics acting out
I got warned by my senpais, and I was suffering
At that time Hamada-san told me
"How about you do it fully?
Afterwards, I'll take care of it and wipe your ass for you"
T/N: He doesn't mean this literally. Just means he'll clean up after any messes.
That's what you said to me
I'm really thankful for that...
I am here today thanks to those words
Hamada-san
There it is again
I'LL END UP JUMPING OFF!!
He'll jump off...
Don't jump! Please
Don't do it don't
What are you trying to say?
That would make you jump, I understand
Seriously, I don't know
You don't let me talk at all!
We don't get what you're getting at!
I'm trying to talk here
Truly thanks to Hamada-san I've come to where I am this day
Yes yes
Thank you very much
Yes
Hemmingway, Ocean View
You, my Foreign Country People
Shirogane Birthday Party
T/N: Don Konishi is a famous designer, Beautiful Sunday is a famous 1976 song by Seiji Tanaka.
Don Konishi, Beautiful Sunday
T/N: Cyber Gadget makes custom game controllers.
Cyber Gadget
Online Shop
T/N: Poseidon Japan is a water polo team, Ang San Su Chi is the Myanmar Foreign Affairs Minister and pacifist activist.
Poseidon Japan
Ang San Su Chi, Suits
YEEEAAAHHH!!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!
No, you
Is that what you wanted to say?
It hurts so much
That's the end
Ah okay
Thank you very much
No no no...
That guy needs a safety rope for sure
because he'll seriously jump off
Yeah it's dangerous
I was stressed out for a bit
Right
Although the sun is setting, many more trials await them
9 hours into their school life
Because everyone saw it, right
Right
Like that
Listen up
This school's student counselor
possesses remarkable powers
Shall we go greet him?
Student counselor...
Student counselor
I have a bad feeling..
This school's ultra-important teacher
Student counselor greeting
I've had enough of these scary people
Yeah...
There's a lot of them, right
Right!
Yes
Excuse us
Student counselor's office
Ah, so it's here
Excuse us
...Because the student counselor has an intimidating image
Could you line up here?
I have a bad feeling about this...
Something feels off...
Excuse me
Ah, he's here
He's here
Ah, he's here already!
The newly joined employees... Ah!
The newly joined employees... Ah! sorry-
The newly enrolled students are here
May they introduce themselves?
They're all participating!
You can't be serious!
They're all participating?
Is that right?
Incredible
Student counselor
Shingo Katori
T/N: Shingo Katori is another member of SMAP. He's also won several awards for his acting roles in many different TV shows.
What the hell is going on?
Incredible
What is this...
Student counselor
What??
The student counselor has a really distinctive style
The hell are you doing?
Really?
What is that?
I don't get this
What are you doing?
I have no idea
Student counselor...
I don't get the concept!
A parody of Matsumoto's
legenday panty shot project
I really don't understand
No, the concept...
So you are the new students
Yes
Welcome to Heipo Omamegaoka High School
The personal apperance of the student counselor
He noticed
Playing the harmonica to welcome the new students
I will now welcome you properly
Stuffing the harmonica into his mouth
Yes yes, I get it
What
That's enough
Come on, tell us the concept!!
Tell us the concept
What are you doing?
What the hell are you doing?
Let us introduce each other
Starting with your name
Self introduction
1. Name
Your favorite girly mannerism
2. Favorite girly mannerism
And a line that you want a girl to say to you
3. A line you want a girl to say
Teacher Fujiwara, if you would start
Eh, Hiroshi Fujiwara
My favorite girly mannerism is
to put out their smoke in the cold soup of a used instant noodle cup
A line that I want a girl to say to me is
"You look good just wearing a T-shirt too, you know"
Nice to meet you
No no no
No, Fujiwara...
Next up is... you (Matsumoto)!!
My name is Hitoshi Matsumoto
My favorite girly mannerism is...
Well... If I had to pick right now, it'd be... When...
When they put their hair up in a ponytail
Isn't that correct?
No, not that kind of thing
Wait, why?
No no...
But it is just a personal preference
Do you know what our school's teaching principles might be?
I don't know
Sorry
Fujiwara left...
That. It's written here
Teaching principles
Ah, it's peeling off
We can see everything, teacher...
No, sorry...
Glance
You jerks. Why are you looking at my panties?
The licensed student counselor's way of life
Looking at his panties is unforgivable
You're looking even now, aren't you
Glance
You just looked, didn't you?
...I didn't
He should wear something just a little longer, don't you think...
Do you have a hobby?
My hobby is...
Scuba diving
Aaah...
And you?
Golf
Golf?
Yeah, I like golf
It was recommended to me by the Principal so I had no choice but to start
But I got totally addicted and ended up getting a complete set
The licensed student counselor's way of life
His hobby, golf, was recommended by the principal
Ooh, nice
Nice
Glance
Teacher
HEY!!
YOU WERE STRAIGHT UP LOOKING
No, I wouldn't say...
No no, it's your...
Teacher, our eyes just happen to look that way
Well, it is in plain sight so...
Hard not to see it
The licensed student counselor's way of life
He really hates people looking at his panties
You can't really help seeing it, you know
Yeah, even when you try not to look
A gentleman's sport!
Give it a shot (Endo)!!
Eh, me?
Endo doing a test shot
Swing!
Where should I stand? Is here okay?
Yeah, there
Give it a shot
I-is it okay to hit it?
NICE SHOT!!
Thank you very much
Glance
He looked! He just looked!!
You just looked at my panties didn't you!!
I said I didn't look
I beg you not to look anymore
Well, I guess...
It's not like you want to look...
I'm really sorry
Pleeeaaase don't look anymore
Give it a test swing (Hosei)!!
Eh?
Hosei doing a test shot
You haven't tried golf, have you?
No, I haven't tried it before
Please be careful
Give it all you've got!!
Watch the ball
Woah
Ah!
What?
Watch the ball
WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
The string snapped and the ball flew through the wall
LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!
I thought there was a string
You looked again...
Eh, no... I...
You glanced just as the string snapped
The licensed student counselor's way of life
He hates people looking at his panties so much he starts laughing
No, I didn't
No no no, the ball pierced straight through the wall
Don't stare at my panties!!
Let's take a commemorative photo
A commemorative photo?
"Commemorative photo"
Maybe because you blew a hole in the wall
You take the picture
He wants to take a commemorative photo like Matsumoto did
A proper camera
Where should we stand?
Just stand around me
Right now?
This is amazing
Ah, we should stand a little behind him
Ah, you're right
A-are you ready?
Yep
Ah, he's looking at my panties!!
No, please stop
I'm looking at all of you for the photo
You're definitely looking at my panties through the camera!!
You all just really want to look at my panties!!
Here! Here you go
No, it's not like that
We don't really want to look
Just take the picture
Look
Okay
Here, you bastards, look here
I'm taking the picture
Not looking at him
Say "cheese"
Photo with the student counselor...
Thank you
Let's go then
He gets really difficult when angry so let's go
Let's go back
What the hell
We didn't mean to anger him, but...
Glance
Ah, you stared again, didn't you!!
I didn't look, I swear!
Please excuse us!!
You just stared at my panties!!
This is taking unexpected turns
Yeah, it's all over the place
Crazy...
But... What about that hole?
Yeah, in the wall
When Endo did it there was a string, right...
Yeah, there was
Could you make a little way here?
Please make way! Coming through!
School official being carried out by emergency paramedics
There's really never a moment of rest, there's too much going on in this school
What tragedy just went down is still unknown to the 5 of them
The night has now completely engulfed them
10 hours into their school life
I'd really like it if the backrest leaned a little bit backwards
On the bullet train, are you one of those people that lower the backrest all the way down?
Ah, no not all the way down
The other day, it was the first time I experienced this, but...
There was this young woman sitting next to me...
I was sitting by the window
She took out her smartphone
And she plugged in the cable...
I see
But the outlet is over on this side, you know
Bullet train outlets
On the armrest, yes
There's an outlet
And she had the tray down and had her phone placed on the side
Watching a movie!!
What an extravaganza!!
The dependence on technology!!
Usually when you board the bullet train
I can't believe that you would already be running out of battery!!
That's right
Right?
You've never charged your phone on the bullet train?
No way because when you ride the bulle--
You don't?
You've already charged it
You have, right?
What were you doing yesterday?
What were you doing yesterday when you went to bed?
You charge yours on the bullet train, right?
Yes
You don't charge it the night before?
Only sometimes
That's right
I do, I do charge it the night before
Why don't you
It's fully charged as I wake up, but after a full day of activities
I charge it again around noon as I ride the bullet train
Will it deplete that fast?
You don't have any friends so I doubt you can deplete it!!
Don't have any friends?
You don't have any friends!!
What do you know about me?
Please stop the fighting
You don't have to be that mad
What the hell
However
It won't deplete that fast
I understand however
Even if it's at 78%, 100% makes it seem more functional...
That has nothing to do with it
It just seems better!!
No it doesn't
I don't charge it when it's at 78%
Lies lies
Not at 78%
I might think about it, but I won't do it
I don't from 78%
Do you mean that you've never charged it even once?
I don't ride the bullet train to charge my smartphone
I do it to charge myself...
You are freaking loud
Sorry!!
Say what?
It can't be helped, this is pointless
Seriously?
I do it at about 24%
Listen up
At our school the number 1 cheering squad has a
public practice so let's take a look
Cheering squad...
Cheering squad's public practice
The legendary school cheering squad!!
Visiting the public training of the cheering squad
Public practice session...
It's dark outside
So dark
So this is the gym, huh
Please come inside
It's freezing
This way
Gym
Please take a seat here
Squad leader
Tomonori Jinnai
T/N: Tomonori is a comedian, tarento, and presenter.
Squad member
Kazushige Nagashima
T/N: Kazushige is an actor, sports commentator, and former professional baseball player. Karen is a half Ukrainian half Japanese model, tarento, and actress.
Squad member
Karen Takizawa
Squad member
Kyoko Hamaguchi
T/N: Kyoko is a freestyle wrestler with two Olympic bronze medals. Girolamo is an Italian celebrity who lives and works in Japan, making appearances in dramas, variety shows, cooking shows, etc.
Girolamo
Alright!
T/N: Cheering squads in Japan are not like American cheerleaders. They are often portrayed in these long black uniforms, rough way of speaking, and they cheer with drums and rhythmic chanting.
Since you came to our public practice session
it must mean that you are interested in joining our cheering squad
Today we will show you our legendary fighting spirit!!
First off let's introduce our squad members!!
Kazushige!! Introduce yourself
I am in 2nd year class A and my name is Kazushige Nagashima!
His voice isn't even that loud
My current obsession is
to pick up cute seashells at the beach!!
At my house someone wrote, "Idiot son" on my wall, but it's nice to meet you!!
T/N: This actually happened where someone broke in and entered Kazushige's home and vandalized his wall. Though someone did come forward and admit to the crime, it's not clear if they really did it or were coerced to.
His voice doesn't come out sometimes
Karen your turn!!
Alright!
I am in 3rd year class B, and my name is Karen Takizawa
My favorite movies are
The Shawshank Redemption and Forrest Gump. I was moved
My favorite food is cheese
And that's because it can be stretched!!
Hamaguchi your turn!!
Alright!
From the 1st year class C, my name is Kyoko Hamaguchi
Lately I've been into haiku
Here is my proudest work that I poured my heart into!
Mom is angry
There were onions at home
after all
What the hell
Here on we will demonstrate the legendary 3-3-7 beat​!!
You ready, newcomers?
But it's not merely a 3-3-7 beat​!!
The legendary 3-3-7 beat​ of the cheering squad
No matter what happens we will chant at a 3-3-7 beat​
Can you do it?
Yes
Give us a subject!!
You with the bobbed hair and the giant lips
Give us a subject based on, "Things found in a school"
Well then... Blackboard
Blackboard
Yes
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Blackboard
Subject:
Kazushige
Yes
Can you go with blackboard?
Yes
Can you do it?
Yes
Chant about blackboards. Ready-set-go!
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Blackboard
Subject:
Blackboards are so pitiful, always being written on
and when erased they return to being blackboards
Keep at it
Yes
Alright
Let's change the subject
Oy, over there, Tsukitei
Yes
Think of a subject!!
School lunch, then
School lunch
Karen!
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
School Lunch
Subject:
Yes
You can do school lunch, right?
Yes
Chant about school lunch
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
School Lunch
Subject:
That thing you know, it's pretty nice, you know that flavor
Nobody can imitate it, of course that's how it is
It was supposed to be school lunch
That was strange, don't you think
Endo!! Give us a subject
Yes
Okay then...
Something you can find at school
Vaulting horse
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Vaulting Horse
Subject:
Hamaguchi
Yes
Can you think of something?
Here I go
Please chant!
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Vaulting Horse
Subject:
Running at it with all your might, swoop and bounce bounce bounce
Tried it out and it worked
Okay, next
Blonde macho give us a subject!!
Yes
I see... Well...
How about volleyball?
Volleyball
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Volleyball
Subject:
Girolamo
Yes
You can do it, right?
Yes
Chant about volleyball
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Vaulting Horse
Subject:
Volleyball-ball, flying high, I don't like volleyball
But many girls, receiving ball from a girl, I am happy
What beat is that!!
Can you do it?
Next we will chant about a celebrity!!
The one with the bobbed hair and the giant lips, give us a subject!!
Hiroyuki Sanada then
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Sanada Hiroyuki
Subject:
T/N: Hiroyuki Sanada is a famous actor who has appeared in Hollywood movies like Rush Hour 3, The Last Samurai, and Avengers: Endgame.
Hiroyuki Sanada. Do you get it, Karen?
Yes
Chant about Hiroyuki Sanada. Ready-set-go
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Sanada Hiroyuki
Subject:
I'm sure such a person exists
Never seen him, but he probably does exist
She has no clue
That's not a very encouraging chant!!
That's right
Blonde macho, mention a celebrity!!
Koji Higashino
Koji Higashino. Hamaguchi your turn
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Higashino Koji
Subject:
T/N: Koji Higashino is a comedian and television presenter. He makes/made appearances on shows like Wide na Show, Gottsu Ee Kanji, 24-kan TV, etc.
Yeah!
Chant about Higashino Koji. Ready-set-go
The legendary 3-3-7 beat chant
Higashino Koji
Subject:
Do your best, do your best, Higashino Koji HO!!
Go go, there you go, do your best hey...
Finally an encouraging chant
Anything goes
That's right
"Do your best, do your best"...
Can be used about anyone
Hey you fools!! We have newcomers here, what the hell is this?!
Are you up for it!?
Yeah!
We're working overtime today!!
Yeah!
Here we go. Ready-set-go
What?
This pisses me off
Amazing
They really practiced this a lot
Idiot
Son
Hamada, Hamada, Ugly Hamada
Ugly Hamada, Hamada, Hamada
Wow, wow
Hamada!!
This is horrible
This isn't good, their sense of rhythm is off
Koume Dayu
T/N: Koume Dayu is a comedian who is known for his style being based on a geisha. His catchphrase is, "Chikusho!" in a high falsetto voice, which means, "Damn it!"
He can do that?
Wow, cool
Cool
Yeah
Damn it!!
Great
Amazing
Wonderful
That was amazing
That was a great performance right?
It was great
Okay let's go
Thank you very much
Job well done
Thank you
They really did well
Yeah for sure
Definitely
Koume can really dance that well
School Life 11 Hours
What's up?
Everyone listen up
The parents and guardians have their
parents' meeting but
You all are students so it doesn't concern you, but
You understand the various problems at this school so...
If it doesn't concern us we don't have to go right?
Since you know the problems at this school, it'll be a learning opportunity
Why won't they smack him?
Say that one more time from the top!!
Yes, please
Please, once more
That's not a bad idea
Everyone listen up
Now, the parents will have their
parents' meeting, but
You all are students so it doesn't really concern you, but
That's nonsense
"It doesn't concern you" should be left out
If that's the case, we don't have to go, and you don't even have to say the rest, but since you say it
Exactly
Then we're like, "Why do we have to go?"
Right
To get in touch with the school's problems they
observe a parents' meeting for some reason
This doesn't really concern us students
Lecture Hall
Over here, everyone
Head Teacher
Kendo Kobayashi
You're late!
We were waiting for you all and yet you're slow
Even though we specially let you come and see
You came late
Sorry
Sit down already!
Sit down already!!
He's really mad
Really sorry about that everyone
Just sit already!!
He's super mad
They all waited for you, all the parents
Sorry about that
Hurry up and sit down!!
I'm already sitting
Isn't he too scary
Take a seat, really sorry about that everyone
Parents' Meeting Start
Well then, let's move to the first topic of discussion
Our school's drama club has won the national tournament
Don't!
Wait!
It's the middle of the parents' meeting! Please wait!
Parent
Miki Mizuno
T/N: Miki Mizuno is an actress who is known for her roles in horror films.
Got a minute?
Mr. Takeda, is something the matter?
There has been a case of bullying in my class
Teacher
Shinji Takeda
T/N: Shinji Takeda is an actor who is known for his roles in thriller movies like The Incite Mill, Kyo Kara Hitman, and Tokyo Eyes.
She said to reveal the perpetrator
Tell me the names of the students who are in the same class
as my son Shiro, if you'd please
Those 5 are in the same class as him
Mr. Kobayashi who are these kids?
They are new students
Searching for the student who bullied her precious child
You (Matsumoto) stand please
You bullied Shiro right?
No I didn't, I don't know him
That's a lie!!
No, really, I don't know him
You really bullied Shiro!!
I really don't know him
Why do you needlessly train your body this much?! What's the meaning of it?
Mrs. Mizuno, please don't be so heavy-handed with the students
He gets that all the time
Takeda!!
The target of her anger turns to the head teacher
You!! It's all because you're not doing your damn job!
I intended to confront with all my students...
What is she doing?
Don't you dare talk back to me!
Do you get it, you asshole?!
The parent's anger becomes abnormal
[More unintelligible screaming]
Stand!!! Stand I say!!!
Mrs. Mizuno!?
Has she gone off the deep end?
That was so scary
Get out of here
That's insane
What?
Wait just a minute here, what even
Sorry
I lost my composure there
Oh, really? However, Mrs. Mizuno,
Your son, Shiro, is
quite a cheerful honors student so
it doesn't seem that his personality is very prone to bullying, but
Is there something about Shiro that has changed?
About Shiro... Has anything changed, indeed
Maybe Shiro worried about that
Remembering a certain day's incident
This kind of relationship isn't allowed, but I love you
It's been three years since I started cheating
Someday I want to be with you
I'll make sure my husband doesn't find out, and especially my son
Now in the school, Shiro...
Why are you here?
You say, who is this person?
If I'm going to say it, then your mother will be straight with you
Your mother has fallen in love with someone that has a wife and kids
In any case, I get chills because they have a wife and kids
I'd be lying if I said it wasn't scary
Even so, it's almost uncontrollable how much
I get aroused by a man with a happy family!
Even more than that, Shiro!
Where are you going? Come back at once! Shiro!
Just raising Shiro right
Was my only happiness...
What is she doing?
What is she doing, really?
Hey what is this?!
That's pretty self-important coming from a fat cat like you!
Everyone knows!
You're dating a teacher right!
Bitter heckling from parents who can't put up with it any more
I am?
It's useless to play dumb!
Of course he gets bullied with a thoughtless mother like that!
What are you saying?
There's no way I'd be dating a teacher or
anything like that!!
You're all just
talking out of your asses!!
Miki
Enough already
Let's tell everyone honestly
Her extramarital lover is, improbably, Fujiwara
What a ham
Wait, what are you saying?
Wait, what
My relationship with you getting found out is fine with me
Love between a teacher and parent is prohibited
But I fell in love with you,
And I can't help it
Hiroshi
Your face, are you tired?
You too Hiroshi, these age spots, what will we ever do about them?
Eh-heh
I'll quit being a teacher.
I'm only a fraction of a man for not choosing to make you happy
He's only funny in moments like this
What is he on about?
Stop that
Last is COWCOW's trademark pose
T/N: COWCOW is a comedian duo who have won a few awards for their manzai.
Uhm.. Mizuno-sama
For today can't we...
That is not possible!!
I want to get things straight right here and now
That's inconvenient
Finally I foun' somebody
There she is
I be hearin' some noise and thinkin' "The hell is goin' on?"
Kazuo Nishio
Tomochika
Pizza Cap
That really dang surprised me
A pizza was ordered by someone
so I went to the staff room, but there ain't nobody there
You got me runnin' around like it's a
government office for heaven's sake
You get it right?
Oh...
There's gotta be someone who be orderin' a damn pizza here
We don't get it
That hurts!
You set it up real nice
Make it a medium size
You put them corn on top of the seafood
Get some chicken cover'em up in wheat flour to fry'em
It'll be trouble if I go back with no money
That hurts so much
And you ma'am
If you keep screeching like that
Your blood pressure'll go through the roof
You get check-ups regularly?
It has nothing to do with you
Ain't no way it's got nothin' to do with me
Even them kids of yours should go
Get check-ups from the doc too
Some kids been gettin' stool examinations
And such, I'm sure
Goin' "I'm constipated" "I'm constipated"
Bringin' their parents' or their siblings' shit too
That's your parents' n siblings' inspection!!
That hurts!
It hurts
Properly go to your doc n' get them checkups
What happened...
Ain't your lymphs nodes a bit swollen?
Wha-
You yo-
You saw the physical assault right?
T/N: 110 is Japan's emergency police number.
We're going to the police box, someone dial 110
That's fine by me, I'll crush you with money
We'll get this settled with 110!
That's fine by me
I'm very sorry about that, uhm...
Moving on
The teachers' adultery problem is next
There seems to be an explanation and apology to be given by the cheating party...
An explanation and apology by the teacher that caused the adultery issue
...we'll bring them in
Come in!
T/N: Ryuji Harada is an actor who was caught cheating with multiple women.
Ryuji Harada
The cheating teacher
As expected right?
Right?
Uhm, with that...
We have gathered some
Of the guardians' questions beforehand
Professor Harada please answer them honestly
Yes
This is the first question
How did you meet your mistress?
Meeting method with their mistress?
On Instagram, through DMs
The next question
Why did you use Instagram?
Reason for using Instagram
Since Instagram is mainly pictures
By looking at their pictures I can be sure of their identity
People who cheat are scum!!
The couple Megumi Kaneko and Kensuke Miyazaki are in the audience
T/N: Kensuke Miyazaki was a politician who cheated on his wife with a gravure idol while his wife was prematurely giving birth. The woman next to him is his wife, Megumi Kaneko and they are still married despite the affair.
And to use social networks, absolutely disgusting!!
You're the one to talk?!
How can he say that with a straight face?
Next question
Where and for how long did you cheat?
Location and duration
Inside a 4-wheel-drive car for 10 minutes
10 minutes!? That's disrespectful to the woman!!
Isn't that rude to your wife in the first place!!
That's you!!
There's so much going on...
It's too congested
That hurts!
It's the adultery all-stars
RESIGN NOW!
Do you actually feel bad? Yeah! That's right! Quit already!
Everyone please quiet down
THIS KIND OF TEACHER
NEEDS TO BE FIRED!!
T/N: Yoshihiko Hakamada is an actor that cheated on his wife, Ai Kawanaka.
Yoshihiko Hakamada
Guardian
They're all here
It's the all-stars
Is it the legendary all-star battle?
ADULTERY IS
AN ACT THAT SHOULD NEVER BE FORGIVEN!!
You're just getting in the way
Well, that can't be helped
Please
He was very assertive
Sorry, I'm getting in the way
OI YOU 4-WHEEL-DRIVE BASTARD!!!
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'LL ACCOMPLISH STANDING THERE!?
The angry guardians are closing in on the cheating teacher
SAY SOMETHING YOU PUNK!!
THAT'S ENOUGH!!
This is a place for children to learn,
don't go swinging that around!!
Please, can you just let this go?
Shut the hell up!!
Then I have no choice...
LET'S GO!!
"Let's go!!"?
I will pull apart the evils of the world,
with the magnetic force of justice
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club N Magnetic Pole
Fighting Evil Ally of Justice
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club N Magnetic Pole! Ready to fight!!
In front of me is a metal pipe-holding dangerous person
I can't possibly do anything on my own
S Magnetic Pole-kun!!
Harada-san
Two years ago, I famously cheated in the APA affair incident
T/N: APA refers to APA Hotel, which is where he would go for his affairs.
And as a human, I hit rock bottom
But thanks to Harada-san, I was saved
TV dramas have started giving me offers once again
Using the APA affair incident to be able to eat again
I don't feel moved by this at all though
Harada-san, you can also
get naked and start over!!
GO!!
A very urgent transformation has begun
S Magnetic Pole's magnet
He's really damn energetic
Fighting Evil Ally of Justice
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club S Magnetic Pole
ROCK 'N' ROLL!
Forgot the magnet
You not even complete
Can you wait for a bit?
He realizes his mistake and leaves the scene for a moment
What's wrong?
Did he forget something?
It came from over there though
They missed each other
Harada-kun, it's over there
That side
What the hell...
Why the hell
It hurts
Attack them!!
YOU DAMN BASTARDS!!
Hol- wait up- wha-
IT HURTS IT HURTS
The allies of justice lose in an instant
Damnit!
This is such an embarrasing circumstance
We can't go up against them on our own
Omame Electromagnetic Wave Club on the brink of life and death
Are we giving up...?
Now
IT'S OVER!!
Urgh
HOOOLD UUUUUUUUUUUUP!!
T/N: Shinji Takeda is an actor and saxophone player who has done work in several TV shows, movies, anime, etc.
The Savior M Magnetic Pole (Shinji Takeda) has arrived
Sorry to keep you waiting
The muscles, M Magnetic Pole-kun!!
You came to help!
This year's offer
was hard for me to accept since I'm in the middle of my second hiatus
But compared to the two of you, the front of the material was made wider
And I was able to join no problem!!
We had low hopes for an okay on your end
Right
We did some terrible things...
And this is our penance of some sort
You haven't done anything wrong though
Don't we have something in common between us?
T/N: Junon is a fashion magazine that holds this contest every year for 13-22 year old males outside of the entertainment business.
I hold the Grand Prix of the Second Junon Superboy Contest*
Second Champ
Third Second Place
Harada-kun has the Second Prize for the third year
Fourth Champ
Hakamada-kun has the Grand Prix of the fourth year
Right! We are all...
JUNON BOYS AREN'T WE!!
OOOHH YOU'RE RIGHT!!
YES WE ARE!!
Thank you, M Magnetic Pole-kun
What the heck...
ALRIGHT
IT'S TIME FOR THE COUNTER ATTACK!!
Have a bit of THIS!!
AND A BIT OF THAT!!
You bastard!!
That's enough!
He went for us
Junon Boyz huh?
Let's go for Electromagnetic Wave Music!
Last resort ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE MUSIC
Let's GO!
ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE
BEEEEAAAAAAM
That takes care of that!!
Even if you despise us
We Junon Boyz
Don't want to be hated!!
What in the world-
Oh come on...
Well, that was something
12 hours into their School Life
Back in the class room
Their suspicion of a certain man pops up again
Do we not have to do Kokkuri-san or anything again?
Kokkuri-san was... What was it again?
Tanaka's Thai Kick
That's the Thai Kick
It's pretty rough how you keep getting kicked
Right?
Yeah, you're right
The Thai Kick from before
Do you still remember the feeling of the Thai kick?
Of course I remember. It was a proper kick
Could you show us?
Give it a try
You got it over there, right
The Thai Kick from earlier
Tanaka reenacting the reaction
Try to recreate it
As best as you can
It was quite the show!
It was really something
Right!
Ready?
ACTION!
AIAAAGH!!!
AGH
AAAAHAAAAA!!
IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!
Whoa, he's incredible!!
He's doing it no problem!!
You can do it after all!
Incredible
Freaking incredible
You're really good
Amazing stuff
EH?
That was something else!
That was...
Unbelievable
Reenactment complete with other-worldly skills
You're that good??
No no, I just realized. The two are different
Anyone can do what I just did!
I'm feeling a bit let down here
Aah... I didn't want to bring it up... But
During "Don't Get Scared" did you fake it there too?
Eh? Hold on there!
Of course he faked it!
I just got chills down my spine
This is scary
You're talking about this, right?
Yeah yeah!
Last year's Don't Get Scared
That doesn't sit right with me at all
There is something I would like to see...
Spit it out
This is just my suggestion, but hear me out
When Tenshin-kun
Does anything to Tanaka, we can't really tell so...
Right
What if we had Endo get a Thai Kick...
Y-you mean me?
Yeah...
And at the same time, Tanaka will pretend he's the one getting kicked...
I see!
Endo is kicked while Tanaka pretends
Test of acting skills
The real thing VS the fake
That's a great idea!
We never had a good comparison
We never saw them side by side so it's hard to compare
I see
So when the kick connects
From the moment the kick connects. Exactly
And Endo will just take it naturally
Yep
I will just
Take the kick
Don't add anything to your reaction
You can't do that kind of acting anyways
Okay
Naturally
I could tell that much from you with the Tom & Jerry performance
T/N: Endo played as "Tom" in the Japanese musical version of "Tom and Jerry". Endo's also just generally well known among the Gaki crew to have poor acting skills (ie, the movie, Busjack).
The Tom & Jerry Musical
Starring Endo
I did my best
I really did my best with that one
They're just casually laughing
So casually
My acting in Tom & Jerry wasn't that bad
That's a terrible burn
Crazy fire is being thrown around in here
This jackass too! Hit him!
You forgot this guy!
Come on!
Why are you...
That's right
I really see it now
To test actor Tanaka's honesty,
We'll have him and his comedy partner who can't act at all,
Do it at the same time
And finally get a proper answer!!
He straight up said it!
Do it at the same time!!
For real!?
I'm practically being thrown in the furnace!
This is it! Here it is!
Position yourself side by side
I'm being burned alive here
Get ready
But Endo, it's true
No
Endo, don't overreacting even one bit!!
I'll just take it honestly?
Honestly! Honestly! Honestly!
Do it for Tanaka's sake
Here we go!
Please wait!
Do it for Tanaka's sake
Acting Skills Inspection
Endo will take the Thai kick and Tanaka's acting skills will be put to the test
For Tanaka?
Here we go!
Please wait!
Here it comes
Hold on! hold on!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Look! Tanaka has already started!!
Any minute now
Here I go!
NNNOOOOOAAAAAAAA!!
UWAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IT HURTS!!
This is the absolute worst
The worst
This is the worst
The best and the worst, side by side
Endo, look at that. What even is that?
This is how a real Thai Kick looks
Thank you, Tenshin!
Thank you so much. That was a great experiment
We just discovered something we shouldn't have!!
Endo, I'm sorry
I'm sorry I put you through this
So much pain
I'm about to poop myself...
It feels like poops gonna come out, right?
That's how it should feel
You get kicked speechless
You can't do anything, but whimper
The whole "IT HURTS! IT HURTS!"
And doing this whole thing
All these years...
It almost makes you think whether he got kicked or not
I thought "Wait a sec!"
Right
It's like...
Even though Endo really got kicked,
it sort of faded into the background to me
I did get kicked though
Really
He's the worst
Faded?
Tanaka is, in terms of variety, unnacceptable...
No no
13 hours into their school life
They're really showing us something spectacular
That's pretty scary
The performance that won the National Championship
Observing the Theater Club's Rehearsal
The five members observe the theater club's rehearsal...
...of the performance that won them the National Championship
We're meeting them?
We're going in guys
Theater Club's Clubroom
This is where they do the final rehearsals
Please sit down
Oh this is a rehearsal?
I expected more of an audience for this
Yes
The stage has been set already
Start of the play
Naoto Eguchi (Doburokku)
Theater Club Member
I am a penniless farmer
together with my old, frail mother
We live a secluded life together
The act that won the National Championship
Having an incurable disease
Trying to save my suffering mother
I came to the forest to look for a cure
Somewhere in this forest, there should be some medicine I could use
But where is it? Where is it? Where? Where...
I have been waiting for exactly this, to help out a troubled man
Shintarou Mori (Doburokku)
Theater Club Member
I am a God residing in these woods
I-IT'S A GOD!!
Your kindness towards your mother, is filling me with wondrous joy
I have come to offer you my help
Is this really real, this I can't believe. I am forever grateful to you
Whatever it is, I will grant you one wish
In that case, I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Something that can penetrate the fabric of my pants
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Goro Inagaki
T/N: Goro was one of the members of SMAP who also acted in many TV shows and movies.
Theater Club Member
I am also a poor farmer, together with my old, frail mother
We live a secluded life together
Having an incurable disease, trying to save my suffering mother
I came to the forest to look for a cure
You think he will sing it?
Your kindness towards your mother, is filling me with wondrous joy
Let me also give you a helping hand
Is this really real, this I can't believe. I am forever grateful to you
Whatever it is, I will grant you one wish
It's not okay to say it
In that case,
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
He said it!
So huge I can carry it on my shoulder
I wish for a truly huge Johnson
He really said it!!
Could you just stop
Trying to help you two, I was an idiot for showing myself
It was a joke, a terrible joke
I beg you to save the life of my mother
Yes!
Please be so kind!
Right!
That's what you meant
Furthermore, I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
You only have one wish!
Something that will surprise Shingo and Tsuyoshi
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Stop improvising!!
What are you saying, Goro?
That was unbelievable
You went there huh...
It's really amazing
I was really surprised
What's that? You say you like theater acting?
You're interested in theater?
I really enjoyed watching it
Well, since you're interested in theater I'll teach you some secrets
Firstly
In theater you have to strongly project your voice
We have
Traditional training method in our club
I'd like you all to give it a shot
Experiencing the traditional voice projection training
Oh are we-
This candle being protected in a wine glass
Can be put out with a high pitched voice
Voice projection training method
Produce a high pitched voice from the diaphragm to put out the candle in the glass
Coming from your diaphragm
May we ask for an example?
Yes, okay
Let's show an example
An example from the Theater Club
Whoa
What, really?
Incredible!!
Wonderful!
That's incredible
See it's amazing!
Incredible
It's incredible doing that with just vibrations isn't it?
Then how about
Everyone tries it
You two
You go
Do it like your seniors okay?
Downtown will try and do the vocal exercise
Can we really put it out?
Project your voice from your abdomen
And put it out with the vibration of the air
On my mark
Ready... Start!
Unbelievable!
They did it faster
That was too fast
That was unexpectedly fast
That was too fast, can we-
Is there such a thing?
Isn't that good?
That was too fast, let's try more
Are we getting hit for that?
Wouldn't you say they did excellent?
Let's do it one more time
Downtown are doing the exercise once again
A high pitched voi-
You breathed inside didn't you?
You breathed in right?
I was doing it from below
Let me hold it higher then
Right
The breath shouldn't hit the candle directly
I get it I get, from around here right?
No cheating allowed okay?
Ready START!
The resonating air vibrates to put it out
Amazing!
That's so incredible!
It's amazing!
Yes, it flickered so well!
They were so much faster than you
They're in a pinch!
Isn't this a good thing though?
Well it is, but...
It's pretty remarkable
It's remarkable, right?
We were very happy today
That you came over to watch us
Can we get your opinions about the play maybe?
You there
Yes
How was the play?
Well uhmm...
To summarize, what the lip monster want to tell us is this
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
One that can go through a barrel of wine
Even overshadowing giant trees
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
I didn't say that, though...
Sorry sorry sorry
My body did it out of reflex
What are you saying??
Sorry sorry sorry, it was just a reflex
Okay, one last question for you
Can we perhaps hear your
Thoughts about the play?
I was able to see a new perspective
Really?
Are there anything critiques you'd like to give?
I mean not rea- I didn't see anything that was off...
In short, what the muscle-head want to tell us is this
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
One so big that it would destroy the image I've built up
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
That's all they can talk about
Oh dear Goro, Johnsons are not just about size
Worrying about the size of it
is only you, Goro, is only you, Goro
You are a national superstar
With lots of fans, so stop it with the dirty jokes
A national superstar
They really practiced this
Your image is very important
But before all that
And that's why
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Something that would disgust my fans
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
T/N: Shingo Mama is a female character played by Shingo Katori, a fellow SMAP member. Kang Chonen is the Korean stage name of Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, another fellow SMAP member.
Makes Shingo Mama flirt with me! Makes Kang Chonan jealous!
I wish for a Johnson of enormous size
Oh so big
His wish of an enormous Johnson came true!!
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
Something that would disgust my fans
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
T/N: There are event venues across Japan that are called [city name] Dome. For example, Tokyo Dome.
One that can do a Dome Tour
You guys stop him!
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
My dreams and my privates are bulging
Thank you for this enormous Johnson
Stop him!!
Thank you!!
It's quite something
Thank you!
Then everyone...
Have a great student life from here on out!!
Let's meet again!
Thank you!!
It's unbelievable
Waah it's amazing
Right?
They did it
They powered through to the end
They powered through huh
It's amazing
After this will be the real comedy hell
They're all here