Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: Conjyak BabyStand solar Zebestt sonjeigo photodiode GakiNoSuitGuy Typesetters: Small Carl Adilofax Sacro Dudedafool carebu samsamuel Nigel Amria Textualpoacher kannibleklown Nojiko Caleb Barrett Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: John Dread Ecksdee Elestriel Moocau
The last night of the first year of the Reiwa era
T/N: Japan uses eras based on the emperor's reign. Emperor Akihito abdicated the throne in 2019 for the first time in Japanese history since 1817 to his son, Naruhito. Thus the end of the Heisei era and the beginning of the Reiwa era.
It was a tough school
This person actually appeared
It's rather different from previous years
It's the one which has surprised me the most so far
Fitting for it being the last
Provoked into the depths of suppressed emotions
You made me wait too long!!
The greatest and strongest
This year's No Laughing has the
Assassins of Laughter
The show's greatest and strongest assassins of laughter!
Appearance!!
Unexpected people appear one after another!
This is kinda bad!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Shocks
one after another!!
Continuous surprises unlike the others in this No Laughing series!
No Laughing...
No laughing...
This year's theme...
Don't you want to join Yoshimoto?
We don't!!
No Laughing Youthful High School
...is Youthful High School!
The forbidden routine unsealed
That forbidden routine is finally unsealed
You guys ain't recording right?
This really toed the line!!
New Segment Escape Game
New segment: the Escape Game from Hell!
Scary punishments
The five are attacked by scary punishments!
Downtown doing a manzai routine for the first time in 30 years
And for some reason, Downtown will do a manzai routine for the first time in 30 years?!
Chono Slap
The customary Chono slap has some big changes!
with Big Changes
I'll give you a chance
I'll take it
Even now during Reiwa era,
Even on Reiwa era's New Year's Eve it's all comedy for 6 hours
We'll make them laugh in this showdown!
This is hell
New Year's Eve Special
Absolutely No Laughing Youthful High School 24 Hours!
Absolutely No Laughing
Youthful
High School 24 Hours
Downtown
Matsumoto Hitoshi
Hamada Masatoshi
Good evening!
Tsukitei Hosei
Good evening!
Everyone, there's that title call but
Cocorico
Endo Shouzou
Tanaka Naoki
It's possible they didn't film anything
No, it was filmed
We might even have to do a press conference to apologize
Something like "We didn't film anything this year!"
We did do it properly, for now
It's aired for 14 consecutive years
The No Laughing series
Broadcast on New Year's for 14 consecutive years
Amazing, right?
It's amazing
Well then, Matsumoto
Do I have to do it this time as well?
All right!
If you please
VTR... Over there, that camera
All right, I'll start. Then, I suppose it can't he-helped! Where do I look?
VTR...
You guys ain't recording right?!
T/N: This is a reference to a scandal regarding comedians who were suspended by Yoshimoto Kogyo. Yoshimoto CEO Okamoto said this phrase when informing them of their suspension as a joke, but it fell flat as they took it to be him exerting pressure on them.
Yes they are
They're recording
No Laughing Youthful High School
The morning of the beginning
The soft light of the sun
announces a challenge to the men
It's freezing...
Poot
You farted, Hamada
Seriously.
It's only been 2 seconds since it started
The sound was like that of a walrus
Seriously
I was being serious
We're so far away, they can't even pick up the sound
That's really not the point
No, no, they can hear it
Sounds like when the parent walrus protects its child
That one's really angry then
Yeah, seriously
"Wait here"
Well, it's the same as always
Right
We'll wait...
No, no. Well, we'll wait but...
We've seen it over a dozen times already
I already feel tired
I just got here, but I'm already tired
Already complaining
It's been a year already. Time sure flies
The field is currently being used for rugby practice
T/N: The 2019 Rugby World Cup was held in Japan where the Japanese National Team surprisingly made it to quarterfinals despite all odds.
Well, well
So this year's rugby...
Right
This year, yeah, they did rugby. It was exciting
It was good
Hey!
Oh... I knew it
Heeey!!
Many things have happened recently
So many things happened I wondered how it would go
You're the person who appeared at the press conference right?
T/N: This is referring to the press conference held by Yoshimoto Kogyo (the company who employs Japan's top comedians, including Downtown) about the suspended comedians over a scandal involving a crime group.
Downtown's former manager
Fujiwara Hiroshi
It was good
We watched it
Everyone, I'm glad you came here this year as well
He didn't touch on it at all
He completely ignored what we said
He won't talk about that
Leaving that aside... Wait a little
I don't think it's something to be left aside
Gather here!!
Gather here!
Fall in line!
The rugby players?
Rugby's pretty popular at the moment
So is he the teacher?
Huh?!
I think he's the coach
Coach?
Everyone, gather here!
Huh?!
Wha- No way?!
They're the real deal!!
T/N: These guys are actual players from the Japanese National Team for rugby.
Wow, amazing!!
No, no... What's this?
Surely there's a more meaningful way to incorporate you guys?!
A gathering of Japan's National Team rugby players
Whoa, this is amazing!
This is so extravagant!
Hey, you guys!!
Do you understand why I'm angry?
This year's... No
I said it wrong
That was wrong?!
Pft!!
This quickly? Honestly...
What the hell...
Do you understand why I'm angry?!
It's not because you lost the match
That "it doesn't matter" attitude...
Huh?
It's because I can't forgive that part of your hearts, you fools
In this year's World Cup
Was it like that?
you did a great job being in the Best 8 for the first time in history
But y'know
This is amazing
They're like idols
In the match against South Africa, your score was 3 to 26
This is taking a long time
Who cares about what you have to say?
Don't you find that frustrating?
We do
Right?
It's started
Then, release your frustration
Amazing
Release your frustration using comedy
What the hell?
Inagaki, come here
He doesn't laugh
Right, that's Mr. Inagaki
T/N: Inagaki has an incredibly serious and stoic expression, so he's known as "The Man Who Doesn't Laugh" in Japan.
Man Who Doesn't Laugh
Inagaki Keita
You're known as 'The Man Who Doesn't Laugh'
I'll test to see if you really don't laugh no matter how funny it gets
Now,
I'll be doing the most awesome joke so
Try to hold in your laughter
Here I go
Cha Cha Mambo Chacha Mambo
Bang Bang
Bang
He's an idiot
That's Kanpei-san
That's Master Kanpei's joke
Bang! Bang! Bang Bang Bang!
Why aren't you laughing?
He must be angry
He must be angry instead
That was the joke and the punchline
I told you not to laugh, but you should've understood that you should've laughed. Enough
You can go back
Thanks...
T/N: The way he said "thanks" was a very informal and shortened way of saying it, like he isn't taking it seriously. Similar to "thx".
He really doesn't laugh
He doesn't laugh...
Yeah
Tanaka, come here
The Small Giant
Tanaka Fumiaki
Oh here he is
I heard
that your wife's a former athlete
And that she's quite beautiful
Yes
You're not being humble at all?
Y-you're on NTV's prime time on New Year's Eve...
He's especially awful today
Oh... What was your wife's name?
This year is really...
It's Tomomi
What the...
Don't forget your lines!
He forgot what he was supposed to say
During NTV's...
prime time on New Year's eve
He's nervous
"Tomomi, I love you!" Let's have you shout that okay?
What the hell?
It won't end until you say that
That's a fairly unreasonable request
Tomomi, I love you!!
Wow, so loudly
She's probably watching
Amazing...
Aren't you embarassed?!
Fine, you may go
He's pretty slow at retorting!!
He was made to say it
He should have retorted more forcefully
Horie, come here
Yes
Captain Dreads
Horie Shouta
You're known for your dreads, Horie
Speaking of the dreads hairstyle, there's another famous person who had it, right? Who is it?
That would be Bob Marley
Wrong!!
The correct answer is...
That guy who was confused about his TV persona in 2017, Ryuchell
T/N: Ryuchell is a TV personality and model
Ryuchell??
He did used to look like that...
You get it, right?
I understand
What the hell does that mean?
Does he really understand?
Let's have you do a Cheru Cheru Beam shall we?
T/N: Cheru Cheru Beam is Ryuchell's signature move.
Cheru Cheru Beam
What?
Your beam's too intense!
"Beam's too intense..." No, it's your fault...
Is it really okay to treat them like this?
What he said
I feel so sorry for them
Now, Fukuoka
Yes
I heard about you
Mr. Scholar Sportsman
Fukuoka Kenki
I hear you're going to retire after the Tokyo Olympics,
enter a medical school, and aim to become a doctor?
Is that true?
Yes
During the World Cup, you gained a valuable experience, and you're smart
You're a superman
Thank you
After you've become a doctor
A tong-twistie about doctors...
I'll teach you a tongue twister
You definitely can't mess it up
Yeah, that's right
He stumbled those words
His explanation...
How can you stumble over "tongue twister"...
It's "A magician is in the art room doing surgery"
T/N: In Japanese, it's pronounced as, "Majutsushi bijutsushitsude shujutsuchuu". That was hard to even type.
Try saying it 3 times in a row
He didn't trip over his words just now
That's gotta be hard
A magician is in the art room doing surgery
Wow, amazing
What are you doing by actually managing to do it?
You're breaking the formula of comedy y'know
It's embarassing
You can go back
How high is his position of authority in comedy supposed to be?
You guys actually dare come here with just that level of comedic ability
Don't you want to join Yoshimoto?
We don't!!
They said it so clearly
Then, us too
Many things have happened at Yoshimoto Kogyo
With just average abilities, it's hard to improve the public's impression of Yoshimoto
Is that really okay?
No, it's not!!
That's right
I see
You guys and your rotten spirit of comedy
I'll beat it into you from the beginning
Starting now, I will punch you guys!!
First up, Matsuda. Come here!
Genius Kicker
Matsuda Rikiya
Yes!
Isn't this going to be problematic?
With my fist, I will beat it into you. Are you ready?
I am!!
All right, here I come
It'll depend on how he reacts
That's totally Ikeno Medaka
T/N: Ikeno Medaka is a veteran comedian who is very short in height. His famous skit is similar to this where he tries to fight someone who is bigger without any results.
All right. Today's totay...
I'll let you off with just that
Wow, really?
What the hell!
They fell!!
T/N: Falling is a standard reaction in Japanese comedy when something silly happens. Often seen in comedy anime.
We're really sorry
That was awful!
You guys sure fell nicely
It starts on Sunday right? You may leave
Rugby Top League
Starts January 12(Sunday)
Thank you very much!
Extravagant
What extravagant guests
It was amazing
Perhaps they practised falling. Their backs are dirty
Did they practice?
They must have
He's really bad today about remembering his lines
Yeah. I agree
How's that... Hosei
Wha?
It was great, wasn't it?
Ahh.. Yes it was great... The National Team was brilliant
Well...
You're wrong!
It's youth! YOUTH!
Well with that
This year's theme is Youthful High School!
Whaat...
Youthful High School?
...High school?
Going back to school...
We're completely...
Going back to where we started
24 Hour High School Lifestyle Challenge
Era of Youthful High School Students
And so, back to the era of Youthful High School as students, they're challenged with 24 hours of the student lifestyle
They use that same photo every single time, don't they?
Isn't that photo just horrible!?
You say you're high schoolers, what are you doing in those clothes?
I just asked that
Over there a change of clothes is waiting for you
Hey, I just asked that
You're so annoying
Prep.. pre... What's with those clothes?!
You're meant to be high schoolers
What is with you?
If we wore high school uniforms from the start it'd be weird, wouldn't it?
Yeah
Well we don't know
Yeah!
Yeah
We don't know
Yeah let's keep going
From now on, high schoolers... YOU GUYS!!
Panic...
Okay that's enough
What were you expecting?
Panic...
It's been a while...
He was really out of his rhythm there
He was, wasn't he
Oh! It's different
Oh you're right
The order?
It'll depend on which way it opens
Yes
Yes, from the way it opens...
Yes, but...
Change of clothes complete
change ofclothes complete
Change of clothes complete
Are you all ready?
I'll have you all to come out in order
Hosei, you first
Oh, Hosei
Aren't you cute?
Thank you
You could easily pass as a real high schooler
You're adorable!
Thanks
Endo, you're next
Very manly, just as I thought
High school girls won't be able to keep themselves away
Thank you!
Alright! Next is Tanaka
Very intelligent, looking very smart
Thank you!
Looking good
Alright, Hamada!
Oh
The same bobbed style wig used every time
Again?
You're right on the borderline of the school regulations
You prepared your own wig again
This isn't mine, you know
"Your own wig..."
It's your own wig if you've come this far with it
It seems like it
It's not
You really should stop
Alright, Matsumoto come on out!
That's super tight
You look like you're about to burst
What is this?
A uniform that emphasizes Matsumoto's muscles
It's a bit tight...
It's gross...
Is... That supposed to be a gakuran?
T/N: Gakuran is the standard uniform for high school boys which is styled after Western clothing. It is usually a long sleeved black uniform with large buttons and a high collar.
It's so gross...
Is it that bad?
It's skin-tight, looks like a wetsuit
It's not a stretchy fabric
What is this?
It looks so hard to move in...
You want to show off your muscles that much?
It was there so I put it on...
Oh so it's like that?
What is this?
Ok so everyone's ready
No laughing rules
During school life,
you must not laugh
The rules are simple: While you live out your school life, you must not laugh. That is all
There's a bus station over there
So let's go to school, shall we?
There's no hats this time
Getting closer to the start, tensions rise
Let's wait here
It's here, the bus is here
It's so bright...
It's here...
It's here
Prefectural... Heipo...
...Omamegaoka?
It's so plain every year
Yes it is, like...
Omamegaoka High School
Let's get on
This umm... Ok?
Heipo Omamegaoka High School
This is the school we're going to
This bus that depicts the founding school principal,
Heipo
Heading to Omamegaoka High School
Let's all just get on the bus together
This year
One person alone getting on, in many ways, it doesn't feel right
Ok then, let's all get on
Here we go
Absolutely No Laughing Youthful High School 24 Hours
Nope
What?
No! No!
No! No one was riding!
You got on it!
You rode it!
You were riding!
This is too much!
I even got on for you guys
I even rode it for a second for you guys
No, not in this underwear!!
Yeah
That'd really hurt...
Advance!
Why did that happen?
If they laugh, their butts will get smacked
If you ride it, you've already started
Yeah...
So if we ride it, we've already started...
Right now only you have started
I said let's ride the bus together
Fine,
You don't need to wait there!!
I really hate the fact that he thinks there's going to be another chance
He's in camouflage and yet he's so visible
Let's just get on
Ok, ok
He's laughing! He's laughing!
He's so laughing!
You were so laughing
I was not
He laughed just then
He was totally laughing just now
He was so laughing
Hurry get on the bus. Look
Well I already laughed so...
Shall we get on?
I will get on
Alright
Everyone START
Departing for school, what lies ahead!?
Well at least the weather was really great
Yes, it's very nice
It's the kind of day you'd take a picture for a pamphlet
The first act is this unexpected person!!
Super famous person
I wanted to meet under normal circumstances!
The first act is this unexpected person
Arrival at the bus station
Arrival atthe busstation
Arrival at the bus station
Hi
Mysterious Man
Kotoge Eiji
From now I'm going to take part in the bus joke, but
But the joke is a bit too aggressive
It's frankly scary
By the way,
Do you know what kind of joke this is?
Hamada?
Well, you're holding the film clapper
So something about a drama or movie?
...Drama or movie. Matsumoto?
Well...
Maybe a variety show?
Ok variety
Well actually, in fact,
Ze... Director Muranishi's...
Director Muranishi's works
Topic this year! Joke about Director Muranishi being too aggressive
T/N: Director Toru Muranishi is an infamous Japanese adult video director. He is known as "the dirtiest of the industry's dirty old men" and "Emperor of Porn".
Kotoge's Anxiety
It became quite the topic this year,
But the joke was a bit too much...
Wait, will this be ok?
I know, I'm worried too, but
But because there's someone who wants to do it no matter what,
would you be willing to watch it?
Ok come on in!
Thank you for waiting!!
I may have made you wait too long
NO WAY!!
Seriously!?
Director Muranishi is unexpectedly played by Tsuyoshi Kusanagi
T/N: Tsuyoshi Kusanagi was one of the members of one of the most famous Japanese boy bands, SMAP. They disbanded in 2016 due to leaving the Johnny & Associates agency, but the members still remain active in the media.
Kotoge's Anxiety #2
This one was really surprising
It's too weird
Too soon!
You're an idiot!!
I have come back to Nippon TV!
T/N: Nippon TV is the broadcasting station that Gaki no Tsukai is on.
I didn't think you could!
You have such a great expression
Very nice, very nice
It's been a while, having this kind of reunion
Why do I have to get hit for this?!
Long time reunion, but only has underwear on
Kotoge's Anxiety #3
That was rough, wasn't it?
Don't say, "Nice!"
Isn't this television?
Isn't this over the air television?
Oh, it's you, Macchan! Oh, it's you, Hama-chan
It's been so long, having this kind of...
I wanted to meet normally
No, this isn't it!
Ah, this atmosphere is nostalgic
Man...
So sudden
You're the one creating this atmosphere
It would have been better if we could meet normally...
Very very nice
I want to bring out everyone's raw instinct, and store it in this camera...
You thought it'd be an actor advertising their new drama didn't you?
Well, like, we had no idea...
Yeah, we thought it might be Yamada or someone like that
T/N: There's too many people named Yamada, so I'm not sure which one he's referring to. Possibly Yamada Yuuki?
I'm Tsuyoshi Muranishi
T/N: Tsuyoshi is the first name of the SMAP member, Muranishi is the last name of the porn director.
I said I wish we could've met normally
Can you stop?
Getting too into it
Kotoge's Anxiety #4
I'm saying it would have been better if this was more normal
It says "Kotoge's Anxiety" on there
Such a great expression
Can you stop?
It's too aggressive
No, it's interesting
This... This is what he wanted to do
It's my first time on TV for a while, and I'm really nervous
I'm going around in circles, but it'd be great if you could kindly watch
ACTION!
Please...
This is crazy
Yeah, now you just say those things, you're just saying them with no hesitations
Too straight with his intentions
Kotoge's Anxiety #5
Yeah it just kind of comes out, right?
Action!
No, not action, man
If you come on too strong, no one is going to react at all
You're being too aggressive, I've been telling you, man
When it's time to be dominant, I have to dominate
I told you: the one thing you can't do is come out here naked, man!
Have you forgotten that obnoxious thing you did
all those years ago?
Do you regret nothing?
I regret that
I might regret that TOO much
T/N: Kusanagi was arrested in 2009 for public indecency. He held a press conference to apologize and prosecutors decided to not indict.
Doesn't really seem like it
Come on
He makes everything a joke
Kotoge's Anxiety #6
Uh...
Amazing, he'll even say that
So, up till a few years ago
You were in a competing time slot, it seems
Is it really okay for you to do something this dumb?
I'm here to fight
Is my verdict fair? Or is it unfair?
I want to judge it as Red or White
T/N: The "judge it as red or white" was supposed to be "judge as black or white" in English, meaning to settle a matter. However, in Japanese, "red and white" is "Kouhaku" which is the name of the Batsu's rival New Year's Eve TV special that SMAP has repeatedly hosted.
White or Black, you mean
GIVE IT UP ALREADY!
They're a good combination!
The timing is great
Nice~
You aren't looking nice~ yet
No, this is not nice~
2019 was nice, too~
T/N: 2019 is a reference to Director Muranishi getting a semi-autobiographical series "The Naked Director" on Netflix.
Nice nice, director
Should we use that thing that
Director Muranishi is known for most?
Let's do it! Very nice~
Director Muranishi's Legendary Conch
T/N: Muranishi had actresses blow into a conch shell when they reach climax. It apparently is a reference to some Buddhist rituals.
Use this, use this
Isn't it great?
From now on I'd like you to use those to verify some things
I want to gape wide open the true nature of you two comedians
Now I'm going to ask some questions
Twice for a yes
Just once if it's a no
Please blow those conch shells
Answer the director 2 for YES 1 for NO
All right?
You, with the jeans that I really like
Answer honestly, did you think you'd never
be involved with me ever again?
Q. You didn't think you'd ever be involved with me ever again
Oh that's so lonely, but nice!
That's so human, so human!
Let's have this one go
This comedian
So, which are you? Team Kusanagi? Team Nakai?
Q. Are you Team Kusanagi or Team Nakai?
T/N: Kusanagi and Nakai are both members of SMAP. Nakai has been one of the more popular members due to always hosting shows, being a newscaster, etc.
Which is it?
If you're Team Kusanagi, blow twice
Blow once for Team Nakai
What the hell?
What?
Answer the director 2 for Team Kusanagi 1 for Team Nakai
What the?
The hell?
What is this?
Twice for Kusanagi
Once for Nakai
Blow the conch, please!
Let's go
That's really hard, though!
Please blow the conch
Macchan
Macchan?
Good! Nice! Nice!
I don't get it!
I didn't get it earlier, either, because I'm not on either team
So why would you ask about my team, right?
I'm not on any damn team...
But why?
I don't have one
Try blowing it one more time
Why?
Answer the director 2 for Team Kusanagi 1 for Team Nakai
Q. Are you Team Kusanagi or Team Nakai?
Blow it harder!
Nakai?
You like Nakai?
Very good very good VERY GOOD
That's nice! That's nice!
That's nice!
Calm yourself down already, man, making him go pipipipi like that
This whole segment is probably going to be unusable...
Shouldn't you spend your time more on asking about
Director Muranishi's specialties?
You're right, I was too caught up in the moment
Ask some normal questions, would you?
Director Muranishi thrusts his specialties
So Hamachan... Hamachan, I'll bet
Do you like old clothes?
Well, maybe, I don't hate them
You always wear Levi 501XX, do you not?
Well, I own some
You used to wear bigger ones but lately they're tighter...
Oh, oh really?
He could tell the difference, wow
I wish I could pull off old clothes
Oh, I see
I've been thinking of changing my stylist-
What's with these garbage questions!?
What kind of backwater hick would care!?
Oh me too?
Now Macchan
Please, ask him an appropriate question
I could go for something more appropriate...
That's too far, isn't it?
During your private time, what do you like to do?
Sorry, I know it's cliché
But go to the gym and stuff
Do you ever go out drinking?
I go out a bit
Do you go out with Nakai-kun?
He asked again
Generally, I go out with him twice a month or so...
Oh really?
Do you talk about me or anything like that?
I wouldn't say that we don't...
Do you ever talk about Atarashii Chizu with Nakai-kun?
T/N: Atarashii Chizu is a band compromised of some of the previous members of SMAP: Goro Inagaki, Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, and Shingo Katori. Nakai and Kimura (the two most popular members) are not in the band.
Not that I remember
Do you talk about Goro-chan? Do you talk about Shingo-chan?
You're being too aggressive again...
Not really...
Does he ever talk about being a presenter or anything?
Honestly we don't really
You're being too aggressive, Director...
Talk about that stuff
Oh really? That's great
Yeah it's great...
When will you see him next?
We haven't planned anything specific...
Nothing specific, huh? Really.
What do you think about Atarashii Chizu?
This asshole never stops!
TV is the best!!
Internet streaming is good, but broadcast TV is really great, right?
I have a feeling we'll be seeing each other again soon
That's good, okay, that's plenty
2019 was great
We get it
Let's have another great year
Yes, let's
He had a huge impact
Kusanagi came back this year
No way
I was surprised
He did something amazing
They have been on the bus for 15 minutes
Somehow, this is starting off amazingly
Right?
I'm beat already
Me too
Already these 5 can't conceal their exhaustion
will never relent
The deluge of laughter assassins
I'm so jealous of Hosei
What?
You look like you could fall asleep anywhere
I slept
But I only got about 6 hours...
Arrival at the bus station
Arrival atthe busstation
Arrival at the bus station
Help me!
Osada Shouhei
T/N: The detective and hostage are actually comedians of the duo, Chocolate Planet.
Detective
Hostage
Matsuo Shun
I'll shoot, asshole!
Hey! Stop!
We have you surrounded
A masked man took a hostage and hijacked the bus
Give yourself up quietly!
We already know who you are, and we're taking you in!
You know it all, big guy?
If you already know
Then I won't
Need this
Kamiki Ryunosuke
Masked Man
Calm down!
I'll freaking shoot him
Calm down! Stop that right now!
Put your hands up
Okay
Put your hands up
Calm down!
Put your hands up
Put your hands up!
I get it- I GET IT!
Put your hands up!
I'm putting them up!
Put your hands up!
Okay, look, I'm raising them
Putyourhandsup!
Good?
Put your hands up!
Is this okay?
Put them up!
They're up!
PUT 'EM UP!!
THEY'RE UP!
Put them up!
They're already up, damn it!
They're way up
Kamiki doesn't listen at all
You're bad
He has them up
You're bad by every definition of the word
They're already raised
Hey, can you contact your headquarters?
Call up the station and have them prepare a getaway car for me!
What are you saying, I can't!
Call them!
I can't!
Call them!
I'll shoot! Call them!
FINE I GET IT
HQ? HQ!
Call them
No, call them!
I am!
Call them!
I AM!
Call them!
HQ!?
Call them!
CALL THEM!!
Even the way you fight, ugh
He is calling them, stay calm
Call them!
I am, so just-
Just call them!
We need a getaway car
Callthem- CALL THEM!
I am right now!
Call them!
A getaway car!
I told you, I'm calling them!
Jeez
Shut up...
"Please prepare a getaway car." There, I told them!!
Hey, what's that strapped to your back?
It's a pistol, isn't it? Give me the pistol!
What are you saying, I can't!
Give it to me!
I get it, I get it!
I'll shoot! Give it to me! Give it to me!
Stay calm, I understand
Give me the pistol!
Give me the pistol
I got it
Give me the pistol
Is this okay? Huh?
Give me the pistol
Give me the pistol!
Look!
GIVE ME THE P I S T O L !
Look, here!
Give me the pistol!
Here!
Give me the pistol!
TAKE IT!
Give me the pistol!
HOLD IT!
Give it to me!
I'm giving it to you!
Give it to me!
Take it already!
Give it to me!
What is he doing?!
You aren't doing anything either... Pissing me off
He pisses me off
Hey! GRASP IT!
Give it to me now!
Give it me!
I ALREADY GAVE IT TO YOU!
Give it to me now
You already have it!
Please, help me! I'll do anything!!
Anything?
I'll give you a chance, but just one
If you can make these 5 guys laugh
I'll release you
Terms for Hostage Release
Make all 5 men laugh
Do it
I can't
Do it, asshole!
I can't make them laugh
Do it!
I'll shoot you, do it!
Fine, I'll do it
Yeah, do it!
Do it!
I'll do it
So... My impression of Sakagami Shinobu...
T/N: Sakagami Shinobu is a famous tarento, essayist, film director, TV presenter, singer, and actor. He started out as a child actor at the age of 3.
Do it!
Ahhh well, you see
Do it!
I'm doing it!
I am doing it!
Do it!
Didn't you see me starting?
Well just do it already
I am!
Do it!
I am doing it!
Ahhh well, you see, when you do it like this-
You all have to ride along and get slapped, right?
I think that's power harassment y'know?
Well, next is the problem of the day
T/N: Japanese news stations have talk show segments where a panel of people express their opinions on the topic they're reporting on. They will usually very quickly change to the next topic without any transition.
Do it!
I ALREADY DID!
I was doing it, these are the damned results!
Do it!
I already did!
Do it!
That's enough!
What?
Detective!
Cut it out!
If you can do better, do it!
Detective!
Stop, I can't!
Help me, please!
You get it right? This situation is hopeless!!
Detective!
It's hopeless!
You going to do it?
Help!
You're completely hopeless!
Please!
Do it! Do it! Do iiiit! DO IT!
Why did you suddenly become such a moron?
Himuro Ky- I'm doing it, asshole!
Do it!
Himuro Kyosuke playing rock-paper-scissors
T/N: Himuro Kyosuke is a former singer/songwriter. He is one of the best-selling artists of Japan.
First comes ANGEL~ Rock, paper KISS ME!
KISS ME
There!
He got me point-blank
It was pretty funny, though
What does "First comes angel" even mean?
They laughed, right? So, let him go now!
I want more!
What? That's plenty!
Do it! Get going!
Fine
Do something!
Fine, I get it
Do something!
Okay!
Do something!
Okay
Do something!
Do something already!
WE'RE GOING TO!
Do something!
A lickity-skit: "The Fight"
T/N: The lickity-skit or "rero-rero skit" is a skit based on the act of licking. This is a regular skit for Chocolate Planet.
Hey!
What?
Why did you turn down Miyuki?
That's none of your business
The hell it isn't my business!
Stay in your lane!
LIIIIICKY LICKY LICKY LIIIIICKY
Of course, y'know? If I could've not laughed...
If you could...
It'd be good if I could! Sorry, my bad
The hell was that?
This is hell. Come on, let's leave!!
YOU BASTARD!
I get it, just please arrest me already!
I'm arresting you!
Arrest me!
Okay, I'm coming!
Arrest me!
I arrested you!!
Arrest me!
I already did
Arrest me! Take me away!
You're under arrest and I'm taking you in!
We should have left after the impressions!!
That was rough
That was so troublesome
Right? So troublesome
What was that "licky licky" thing...
He's been doing that for a long time
That pisses me off
The bus drives onward to high school
The biggest ever surprise of the series
With that forbidden joke being unveiled
IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU
This is almost crossing the line!
Oh, I can see the school
Ah I can see it too
It's that one right?
The bus holding the five members...
...has finally appeared at the school
However...
This isn't their goal, but a new battlefield
Wow it's really Omamegaoka High School
Wow
Heipo Omamegaoka High School
The stage for the No Laughing Batsu Game,
Heipo Omamegaoka High School
This school of literary, martial, and comedic arts
is where the epic battle with the Assassins of Laughter will begin
Arrival at the school
Arrival atthe school
Arrival at the school
We're here guys, let's go
We're here
Get off
We've arrived
Here we go
It's through here
It's a pretty splendid school right?
Yeah it is
The grounds are spacious too, quite nice
It's the first principal, Mr. Heipo
First Principal
Mr. Heipo
He's one of the candidates for the
next ten thousand yen bills
T/N: Ten thousand yen in USD is roughly $91.51.
For the next ten thousand yen bill . . .
It's already been decided though
School's Main Entrance
The one after that
Might be better to say that when the topic of the next ten thousand yen bill comes up
So this means we're going to...
A classroom, maybe?
Right, it's got to be a classroom
Last time...
Yes it's a first
We're Class 3-B apparently
Here...
Oh yeah you're right
This is the new students' classroom
Take the seat with your name on it
Wow
Oh it's like this now
3-B Classroom
Oh right...
Usually, it's tables stuck together in 1 big group
It was like
Ah but it's a bit...
It's different than usual, the placements
It's not the same
Take your seats
The place where the five members will live as students, 3rd Year Class B
Of course the classroom also has many traps to make them laugh
However, the members still have no clue as to what they are
It feels kind of weird
We'll be watching the backside of Cocorico
The seats are quite differently positioned than usual
Is watching Cocorico from the back something to care about?
The way we're seated is what's really weird
This seating is weird therefore we have to watch their back...
The way making us look at it...
That's right, he was definitely laughing
What happened right now was weird
Since you're cheerful usually
This is the "No Laughing Batsu" man, you were pretty loose right now
One hour since the start
They've reached the classroom at last and have settled down
Leaving no time to rest
The big name Assassins of Laughter will be on the offense
You guys okay?
You guys haven't given the superintendent your greetings
We're going to greetong...
I'll guide you so let's go
Greet the superintendent come on
Heipo Omamegaoka High School New Students' Customary Greeting of the Superintendent
We have to greet the superintendent?
Not the principal?
Right?
Superintendent?
Is this a thing?
Is it a coincidence?
Oh them being here?
Students meeting the superintendent is quite rare
You're right
It's through here
It's for real, Superintendent's Room it says
It's true
Let's go in
Excuse us
It's here
Superintendent's Room
It's very fancy
This school's superintendent
used to be a teacher, and for their work as an educator, is very respected by everyone
All of the teachers, student's guardians, etc. they really truly respect them
They're a great teacher you guys
Teacher?
A great superintendent
That's just...
What the hell is that explanation?
Really
You said superintendent so many times just now
They're an extremely strict person so don't do anything disrespectful okay?
It's very suprising isn't it?
It is, isn't it?
Superintendent
Akutsu Maya (Amami Yuki)
The super strict teacher from the drama, "The Queen's Classroom"
Guys, this is Superintendent Akutsu. Now, introduce yourselves
Hosei you start
Okay
Eeh, I'm Tsukite-
That won't be necessary
You know you can't laugh, but...
That was so blunt. . .
That's so scary!
She's so scary...
It's not necessary, it's a waste of time
Life is a stacked pile of seconds
One who wastes time is one who wastes their life
Simple things like your names, I have already researched
Tsukitei Hosei, you debuted in 1988 with the name "Gasupeke" as a comedian
T/N: Gasupeke is the comedian duo that Yamasaki formed with former partner, Hiromitsu Noriyasu. Gasupeke was also stylistically spelled as "GSX".
In 2008 you became an apprentice to Rakugo Master Tsukitei Happo
Your best rakugo sketch is "Tale of Human Emotions, Clams Unsold"
In 2018, you published a book called "Rakugo is Wonderful" through Yoshimoto Books
Total number of sales is 5,000 copies
That's pretty...
That's scary . . .
I'm scared
5,000 is pretty low...
I want her to use the good data as well
Yes I agree
Endo Shozo, Tanaka Naoki
Yes
In 1992, you debuted with the name Cocorico Bombers as comedians
Endo, in October of 2018
Bought a 5 bedroom house with a balcony in Setagaya
T/N: Setagaya is a very posh neighborhood in Tokyo.
Using 1 million yen to build a golf green for your yard
T/N: 1 million yen to USD is roughly $9,151.
Using 1 million yen to build a golf green for your yard
It's pretty small though
Tanaka's car is a 26 year old second hand Volvo
That's it
That's it for us?
Volvo is...
I like Volvos
She has no information
That was very little info
Hamada Masatoshi, Matsumoto Hitoshi
In 1982, you made your debut with the name Light Bros. as comedians
Hamada's first girlfriend is
The girl with flowing hair, ABC-ko
How the hell?!?
It's from middle school
From middle school?
That's very scary
Wasn't there better data?
Right?
Matsumoto's first girlfriend, during 3rd year of middle school, was...
XYZ-ko
We don't know who that is
You don't
Right?
Yes yes, that's right
Wah that hurts
Matsumoto at the time
Wada Shunichi and yourself would often go on double dates
She knew so much
Isn't it amazing?
Yes that's in fact true, but...
...You say it all so easily
She really didn't hesitate
It's correct, but...
Matsumoto
Even if you wear a suit or a jersey
You always wear Crocs on your feet is that correct?
Those Crocs, where do you buy them?
Your Crocs, do you have different ones for summer and winter?
Yes I do, some have holes in them and others don't
What is going on?
That's my Crocs, what the hell
What are you doing with them?
I wore them this morning,
I was wearing them in the morning
Superintendent? Superintendent?
That hurts so bad
Matsumoto
Yes
Throw these Crocs
Hurry up and throw it
Throw it?
Throw it
Hamada, pick up the Crocs
I picked it up
Throw the Crocs
Throw it
Matsumoto
Yes
Do you understand what I'm having you do?
I have no idea
Crocs are designed to be bottom heavy
So naturally the sole wants to point down
and they always land the right way up
People like Matsumoto who have lost all sense of
curiosity and wonder about the things they love,
they aren't people
They're worth even less than monkeys
The moment we lose our curiosity,
humanity humanity is as good as dead
humanity is as good as dead
Matsumoto
Get a grip and wake up already
Ahhh, please...
You're looking pretty relaxed there, Endo
Yes?
You have this thing where you put on a silly voice, slap your cheeks,
get naked, and do a little dance, right?
Do that here, right now
Hurry up, get naked. Do it.
Right now?
Right now
Hurry hurry
You're wasting our time
Yes, sorry
She knows?
Does she know of this?
I guess so
Please let's hurry
Okay, here I go
She's laughing!!
She clearly laughed!
She laughed
Here I go
Do you know the rhythm of the samba?
Let's get excited for the new year, everyone!
HO HO HOI! HO HO HOI! Ba-dum bum!
That's enough
Exactly what is funny about that?
It is hard to get
Right! I don't know what makes it funny
Do it as Mori Shinichi
T/N: Mori Shinichi is a famous traditional Japanese singer that Endo often does impressions of.
Do "Ho ho hoi" as Mori Shinichi
The demands are intense
She's laughing!
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
She's really laughing!
Let's get excited, everyone
That's enough
Endo did a good job
Yes, can't blame Endo
Even she was laughing!
I have this slight memory, Hosei
Yes
You also had this gag where you did a silly voice, comical pose,
and said, "Maaa", correct?
So she knows about this
She really knows about this
Would you go that far?
How does she know?
Try doing the "Maaa" gag
right here, right now
That's mean
This is new to me
MAAAAAA!!
Again
MAAAAAA!!
Endo, you do the "Maaa"
Me?
This is absurd
Totally absurd
MAAAAAA!!
Hosei
Yes
Do "Ho ho hoi"
Totally nonsensical
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
Ho ho hoi!
Make the world smile an-
That's enough
Because this is such a rare opportunity
please do it while facing each other
Do it while looking into each other's eyes
Incredible
It really is incredible
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
MAAAAAA!!
Everyone is having fun
Ho ho hoi!
Ba-dum bam, ho ho hoi!
Ba-dum bam
Ho-ho hoi
This is ridiculous!
This is hell...
Because this is such a precious moment,
both of you, try doing it as Shinichi Mori
This is incredible
She still won't let them off
Do you know the rhythm of the Samba
Stop
She's quick to stop it
"Stop"
Incredible...
It hurts
I can't
Of all the superintendents till now, this is by far the worst
Okay, everyone try doing "Maaa"
Whatever "Maaa" is
Right! Haha
What the hell is "Maaa"
Ready, set
MAAAAAA!!!
Louder
MAAAAAA!!!
Now as Shinichi Mori
Maaaaaa!
Is this even real...?
Really all over the place
All of you
Get a grip and wake up already
Now leave
We couldn't get her...
Hosei
GSX (Gasupeke)
What the...?
What sort of last word is that?
We were completely worn out
We were worn down harder than I thought we would be
Yes, indeed
One and a half hours since they started their school life
School life
1 hour and 30 minutes
It's about time to start a certain long battle
That must be instead of the drawers, right
Yeah, this has be this time's drawers
The annual drawer tradition
Shall I start?
Pull it out
Is it okay?
Aaaah, naah
No, but we have to do it
We should just get it over with
Tanaka is going first
Really
Doing it this way... Ah, it's tight
There's something in there
It's really packed in there
A letter?
A letter and something black
What IS that?
A letter and... What is this?
I should do it right away, right
Yeah, you've already taken it out so
Yeah
I should just check what it is
What the hell is that?
Yeah
BOX _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
T/N: These baggy pants are called "bontan" in Japanese. They're often associated with delinquents.
Unbeatable baggy pants. Wear this and if you laugh, the Batsu army
Unbeatable baggy pants..?
Unbeatable baggy pants. Wear this and if you laugh, the Batsu army
will cower away in fear. Super baggy pants. No time limit.
Now that's nice
will cower away in fear. Super baggy pants. No time limit.
Baggy pants?
What is that..
What
Unbeatable baggy pants!
What, that is Tanaka's?
Yeah, this is mine
Why?
What? Because I found it in my desk
So if you laugh they won't come for you?
Well, because it's the unbeatable baggy pants, I won't get punished
Unbeatable super item
They won't come even if I laugh
Even if you laugh...
They will cower away in fear
No time limit!
Yeah, there's no time limit
Is it really Tanaka's?
Of course, it was in my desk!
Really an incredible pair of baggy pants
Hurry up with the zipper
You're fumbling a lot
J-just try laughing a little
Tanaka has become unbeatable
Woah, that is super nice!
Ah, so that's what "cower in fear" means
What the hell is this
He really did cower away in fear
He makes me so mad
You did laugh
Well, yeah
Our pants
What is this?
Our pants are just regular pants
But it said there was no time limit, right?
Stop that lame acting
That's right
You were grinning
Cut that out. Don't chase him
Tsk!!
This is annoying
This loop is starting to get on my nerves
Pisses me off
Annoying
Tanaka cut it out
The back of my thighs hurt!
Thank you very much
Change your baggy pants
This has been going on for too long
Change your pants
I'm sorry, but this is mine
This time, we might be getting only nice items for a change...
Tanaka got this and so on
For real?
Well since...
Matsumoto-san
The opportunity for something good is there, Matsumoto!!
You might be lucky
Would be strange if only he got something good
That's true
Key for locker no. 5
Number 5
Ah, it's over here
Over there
Locker no. 5
Could be a nice item
That's right. Could be
It must be something that can't fit in here
It might make you invincible
Invincible... Could be
From the invincible series
Do you have the key?
An invincible school jacket maybe
Yes yes
Because a school jacket wouldn't be able to fit in there
Yes, yes
Might be what happens this year
That's right
EH!?
What is this?
Mysterious white box
A box
How scary
What is that?
There's so much inside
Oh, a DVD
Yet another DVD?
DVD and a mysterious item
I have a bad feeling about this
I feel uneasy about this DVD
They are changing it up. Usually Tanaka is the one getting DVDs
Are you up for it?
It will explain things
Putting it in
I don't feel like this is going to a be a nice item
School Challenge
X month X day X day of week Class Duty Hamada Matsumoto
With the items in the box, the five of you will play a nostalgic school game
With the items in the box, the five of you will play nostalgic school games
All of us?
The 5 of you will play elimination rounds where the losers stay. Once there is only 1 person left, that person will be severely punished
Again?
The 5 of you will play elimination rounds where the losers stay. Once there is only 1 person left, that person will be severely punished
Just stop it
They did it
They did
Batsu Game
The Batsu game is: Plastic bottle rocket
Plastic bottle rocket
I'm so scared
3 plastic bottlerockets on standby
3 plastic bottle rockets on standby
From a distance, 3 bottle rockets will be on standby
This is no good
They will then fire them at different times
Fired at different times
This is no good
Speed
The speed is about 40 km/h
T/N: That's about 25 miles per hour.
That's scary
Total destructive force
Scary
It's a punch with an outstanding destructive force
Why would you do such a thing?
Nostalgic School Challenge
Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do on the recorder
Hold up
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Do-re-mi on the recorder
Play the perfect do-re-mi on the recorder
Each of you will one by one, in order, use the recorder
Why do we have to do something like this?
Play do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do without slipping up
Example
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
The start position requires all fingers to cover all holes
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
This is diff...
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
Wonder if I can do it well
DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO
Difficult
If you slip up you are out! Losers remain in the game!
Why this
Lets! Challenge!
We will all try on the same one?
We will take turns, though
Taking turns
The first try counts
Here we go
That's right
I have to get my fingers ready
Can't wait for that
Ready, start
No no no
That's no good
Losers stay in
Like you are playing a shakuhachi
T/N: A shakuhachi is a traditional Japanese/Chinese flute made out of bamboo.
Like a shakuhachi
Messed up the "do"
Wrong from "do"
And I'm the one getting slapped?
Because you laughed
That's right
Hosei...
You look confident
I'm pretty good at this
Seriously?
Ready
Start
Yes
No good
He's bursting with laughter
Can't do that, Hamada
Hamada is bursting with laughter
A laughter free of any worry
Having too much fun
It went "ahowooohuoo-oo"
Why is everyone
Playing it like a shakuhachi?
Right?
Okay, here goes
Okay
Here you go
Ready
Start
What!?
That's right
Hamada laughed
Hamada is laughing every time
Why?
Hamada laughs every time
How come?
How can we accomplish this?
Here I go
No good!!
That's no good
It's pretty tough...
Make it sound nicer
I see
Quit it with that skit
I forgot
That's right
That should've been fine
Not the last part
The last note was no good
But wasn't this one safe?
Right?
I think so too
The last part
But the end was...
If you say that then this bit will never end
Think about it a bit
Yeah, we have to do this
Sorry, but...
Let's make it easier
Right?
But just now was a bit...
That's right
Right?
That's enough. Thank you
That was quick. Why can't I do it?
That sounded like, "heehee"
He's straight up laughing
It went piii!!
Isn't this strange?
On the "do" part...
"Do" is not played right
But it was played
Why can't we play it well?
Next up in the Nostalgic School Challenge
Huh?
Nostalgic School Challenge
T/N: In Japan, you do not wear the same shoes you wear outside when you're inside. This also applies in schools where everyone is required to have a pair of indoor shoes.
Indoor shoes shoot
Won't this also be hard?
Sure will be
Oh man, this is pretty hard
Kick your shoes from about 2 meters distance
You win if the indoor shoes go into the trash can
Keep at it until you find the loser
Two meters, no problem
This will be decisive
I see
Let's! Challenge!
All of us are still left
Two meters?
Two meters
Where?
Let's all agree
Where would the two meter mark be?
Let's all decide and agree
Should we do it like this?
Let's put this down here
For the time being
Yes
You can't do that
Since they are leather shoes
Leather has nothing to do with it. You are out
He was practicing
We didn't confirm the distance
We all agreed on the distance, didn't we?
That's not okay...
He was practicing
But you are out
This has nothing to do with us
Let's be friends
What's up?
He hit my hand
I will go first, ok?
Yes
Let's move it across the room
Okay
Like this
Isn't it a disadvantage to go first?
Let's do rock-paper-scissors
It's because you already practiced once
No, because you went ahead and practiced
So strict
Do you want that throw to be the real thing? No? Then go
Here I go
Right
Yes
Nice
Matsumoto qualifies!!
Nice
Went straight in
I watched from over here and
Seriously?
I thought, "This is going to make it in"
Nice
"That was nice" is what my own partner said, of all people!!
My own partner ended up saying that
My own partner
Ends up saying, "That was nice"
My own partner...
Saying it as if he's at home, watching this on TV
That's just too...
You have a point
That right there is Hamada's...
"That was beautiful" just like that
But really though, that was well done
But this doesn't look good for us
Would you like to go next?
There's no way I'd want that Batsu game
No way
It's too much
Right?
Your practice round is what let you win, isn't it?
I agree!
He has a point there
Objection!!
That's true, that's just...
He already had a feel for it
Having that one practice round is so relevant
OKAY FINE
I'll let you guys have 2 chances
Are you serious?
I'll acknowledge that the first attempt was a miss
Okay
Even still, this is going to be hard...
If you don't get it within 2 tries, then that's a loss
Yes, I'll agree to that
This is a huge favor for a huge challenge
"Huge challenge?" The hell am I saying?
You can't help but laugh
Just like that
If you watch it
Can such sorrow come from the back?
Well well, the first attempt was a miss
There was only sorrow coming from that
Your turn, Endo
Isn't Endo going to be really good at this?
I have some confidence
Ahhh, that was SO close!
But I got this
That was pretty good though
I think he could do it
I think so too
But really, I think this will determine everything
But how do you do it?
May I?
Yes of course
You just have to go with your gut feeling
"Gut feeling"?
Yep, that's right
Yes
Everyone's just imitating me
To shoot from way behind the towel
Ah, too much power
And if this makes it in
I can drop out of the competition
Yes
Here I go!
He's so bad at this
I saw that coming
Saw that coming
Oh, it even worked there
Yes yes
That guy is still at it
That's right, he's still doing it
Yes, I can laugh all I want
That's so nice
No matter how much I laugh...
Man, you're so lucky
So...
One more round, right?
We play one more round
This sucks
I can probably...
But if you can do this...
How is this going to work?
OUT!!
Losers remain, those are the rules
Alright
You'll get an OUT
He said "OUT" so desperately though
Losers remain
Here I go
Ahhh, that was so close...
OUT
He's totally laughing!
How do you do this?
You've been asking that a lot for a while now
But really though
It's best if you depict the parabola
You're not depicting the parabola at all
Hosei wins and drops out!!
Are you serious?
Yes, I did it!
I really did it!!
Are you really for real?
Why would you react like that?
Here I go...
You're right
Tanaka wins and drops out!!
YES!!
Yeah!
I hate this
Wait a minute
If everyone makes it in, then that changes things
With this progression, it'll end up with me and Endo
Oh right, that's right
You two
Is this game how we'll decide it?
Should we go back to the recorder?
I can't do that one...
The recorder?
The recorder
Yes
The recorder...
Let's go with the recorder
The flute
Hamada vs Endo
Recorder Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti Do Showdown
Who's going to start?
Who will start first?
Who should go?
Then I will start
You're going to start?
Yes
Before, Matsumoto did...
Here I go
Start!
Thanks
Well, well, well
My tone quality will be the factor
If Hamada's turns out better
Just now wasn't great, I'd give it around a 75
Yes, I agree
Here I go
You're like a snake charmer!!
Hamada, bottle rocket punishment!
Hamada Bottle Rocket Punishment
Of course this would happen
A cobra would've come out
Wow, here it comes
This is going to be scary, Hamada
There's three of them
This is scary
Ebitani Hiroshi
Under Supervision of The Denjirou Army Corps
3 Continuous Hits of the Bottle Rocket
T/N: The Denjirou Army Corps is actually the Denjirou Science Production which is a group of scientists that educates children through fun film productions and shows.
This is so scary
Very scary
Alright
Yes
While no one noticed...
Here please
Yes
This surrounding area is scary
The rocket's propulsion is powered by liquid nitrogen
So scary
What the hell are you doing?
Oh wow, this is scary
What the hell
Wait wait wait!
What the hell is this?
Yes, what is going on?
Until the rocket launch
seconds
It seems like it'll be loud
What the hell is going on?!
Until the bottle rocket launch
LAUNCH!
This is heavy
He got it good
Went right at the face at the very end!
You can't help, but laugh
OUCH
That last one to the face...
Ow
Ow ow
Straight to the frontal lobe
There's no helping it, you lost
Well, yes
Good job
Can't do anything about it
I'm so glad I got the slipper in
Wow
Here
That pisses me off
And that's the end of that, right Matsumoto?
And that's the end of mine
But it's only mine that's over
That's right!
We still have more!
Yes
May I?
Hosei
So scary
By the way,
You're still wearing the Unbeatable Baggy Pants and it's pissing me off
Oh right
Yes
What's it called? Something Baggy Pants
Unbeatable Baggy Pants
Right, Unbeatable Baggy Pants
What-cha-ma-call-pants
What is this?
OI
Delinquents barging in
I hear there's some pretentious punk wearing baggy pants in this class
Don't you dare mess with us!!
It's this guy
Yes
You're it, huh?
This fool
Ain't you a tough guy for wearing it so conceitedly?!
We're gonna do you in good!
THIS IS A MAME HIGH SCHOOL BAGGY PANTS HUNT
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT
I feel so bad for him
Wouldn't have imagined this would happen
Oh no, a baggy pants hunt
They're taking it away
Oh no, oh no, even his shoes, his shoes!
OW OW OW
So rough, so rough, so rough
Where're the pants you were wearing before?!
Where are they!?
Oh, they're in there
NEVER WEAR BAGGY PANTS AGAIN, YA HEAR ME?!
Oh, they took them!
Oh...
You're only down to your underwear
Yeah well... The same thing happened to me
White, so very white
They took your pants away
From now on,
It's going to hurt like hell from now on
It's because you were being so pretentious up until now
You're right
Oh, is this what it's all about?
But this was a good experience for you
That's right
Very true
I truly agree
So scary
Hosei, you have this right?
Key for locker #4
Are you serious?
This and...
I open this...
Well for now, I'll open the locker
Four
Tanaka, from now on, you really can't laugh
I won't laugh
What is this?
This is four, right?
Of course it was, you opened it
What the hell is this?
This...
Again, he gets those kinds of toys...
There it is
Joke masks x 3
Huh? I don't understand what's going on
I guess for now, just try them on, Hosei
Since this is your item and all
Getting hit for things like this is just bad
Yes, I agree, these kinds of things are unnecessary
Come on
No way, come on
No no no, this kind of thing...
Why is this a thing?
Exceptionally destructive joke masks
It's too much
OW!!
Ow, that hurts so bad
Amazing!!
That's so nice
That's amazing
This is really amazing
Please stop that pose
There he goes
There are directors who really look like that
Hosei, are the other ones different?
They're all different
Wow, so many
Yes there are
Tanaka, hurts a lot doesn't it?
This really hurts so much
Of course
Please stop
There's someone who looks like that
This is not good
This part below his nose is long
What the hell! Then give me some item like that too
Ow!!
That would hurt
Ow, that hurts
These joke masks are amazing
These aren't sold normally, right?
He's wearing a student uniform, but he looks old
That might be it. How unbalanced it is
It makes it more...
There's a comedian like that
That's right. Who is it? There's someone like that
There's a comedian like that
There's someone like that
Pisses me off
Ow!
That's an amazing item
It looks like the whole thing is a mask
Yup, yup
This works really well
because it's Hosei, don't you think?
Is that what it is?
What would happen if someone else wore it?
Wow, amazing!
It's not that strange
Yeah, there's definitely someone who looks like that
Ow!
This is amazing, isn't it?
It's amazing
It works for anyone
This is...
These kinds of things don't work that well for me
For me, these kinds of things don't work that well...
What do I do with this, I put them on my eyes?
Hehe...
You're laughing
If you would, please
That's just not fair!!
This is no good. No good
It's a different genre
The venue is different!!
You should look at yourself
Come on
Ow!
The venue is different
This is amazing
Wow
You guys are malicious!
The level is different
We can't beat that
There's nothing above that
No more, please. Can't deal with that
Wow
Yes, if you could please take it off and we can talk normally
Don't wander around with that on too much
He can do anything
Yes. He really can skillfully do anything
Check it out!!
You can't do that, please
No, no, no
Please take it off
You can't do that
That guy would not be popular with the ladies
It hurts
Wow, that's good
Ow!
Tanaka, that hurts, right? That's gotta hurt
It hurts like crazy
That's exhausting. That's really exhausting me
Take it off for now
How about we hide it and reset everything?
No, he's just... This is not good
He's making weird movements...
I can't look at that. Please stop for our sake
Please stop, already
He's getting carried away
Hamada, please take it off
Seriously, seriously
He's strangely taken a liking to it
Oh no, he's taken a liking...
Why is he using it as if it's his own item
He's strangely taken a liking to it
Yeah
That was in Hosei's place
Most of all, if you're laughing no one can tell. That's the worst part
Ok, ok
That's against the rules
I mean I guess that's right
That anatomical model...
Anatomical model
It might just be a coincidence,
but it looks like Hamada
It wasn't made specifically to be like that, right?
It's subtle
Or am I wrong?
That's Hamada
Is it?
Yeah, that's Hamada
They made this?
So this is Hamada!
Anatomical Model of a Young Hamada
It's Hamada
This is Hamada
They left it there so that someone might notice and look
Should I go next, then?
Eh? What's that?
Mysterious DVD
Can you play it for me?
There it is
Whoa!!
You know what this is, right?
It's Kokkuri-san
T/N: Kokkuri-san is a table-turning game like Ouija where you call upon the spirits to answer your questions.
A Kokkuri-san Board
This is that scary thing, I don't really like these, too scary...
I'm gonna play it
Kokkuri-san
Kokkuri-san: A necromantic divination that has been performed since long ago
T/N: Kokkuri-san is usually played with a 10-yen coin.
With a 500 yen coin
and this board of letters...
Call upon Kokkuri-san and raise a question
The ghost "Kokkuri-san" will point to the truth
Correct Sequence
Everyone puts their index finger on the 500 yen coin,
and says, "Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come forth.
If you have come forth, please proceed to 'Yes'"
Everyone does it together
This is so scary, I don't like this
Once this is said, the 500 yen coin should be making its way towards "Yes"
Is this real?
I always thought someone else was moving it...
Because I didn't move it
Yes, you don't move it yourself
This is 5 people
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come forth
Tanaka, here
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san, please come forth
If you have come forth,
please proceed to "Yes"
Are you serious...?
It's moving
Seriously?
The 500 yen coin goes to "Yes"
Seriously?
Is this real?
I'm really not moving it
Me neither
I'm really not moving it, either
Now, a question for the five of you
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san,
who among us will receive a Thai kick after this?
Hold on
You can't decide that like this
This is scary. What is going on?
No one deliberately direct it anywhere!!
That would not be right
Let's not do that
Like if you start pulling on it if it starts to go to you...
Let's absolutely not do that!!
That's right
Got it
Let's leave it to Kokkuri-san
Tanaka has received Thai kicks 10 years in a row
You'd be broken into bits
I would
How would this work, though?
Shall we?
Kokkuri-san, Kokkuri-san,
who among us
will receive a Thai kick after this?
Wow, it's moving!!
This is really...
It's moving pretty quickly
It's really here
"Ta"
Really
I'm really not doing anything
No way, come on
Who's pushing on it?
"Na"
Someone's really pushing on it
Tanaka, you're really pushing on it
"Ka"
Hold on, don't let go yet
There's no way, right!?
It went here
No way it's me
It went, "Tanaka"
Why when it's time for a Thai kick...
That was fast
That was fast, the decision
Wasn't that decision kinda fast?
You want to do it again?
But still
Tanaka, watch out
I get it, but I can't do this wearing this. Seriously
This...
Hold on
Seriously, hold on
Hold on, just a bit!!
What do you mean, "Just a bit?"
I can't do it wearing this
Watch out!
Matsumoto!!
Matsumoto, please!!
Hold on
Tanaka, stay still
I get it, I get it
Go over to wide open area
Be gentle with him
Mr. Thai Kick, please be gentle with him, I'm telling him
I can't take a Thai kick this early
I understand
I can't accept this, not like that
Stay still
Put your hands out front and stay still
Stay still, stay still
Watch out
Ah Ahh!!
Ah hahhh!!
Aghhhh...
It's a mystery, though
What's the matter?
His shoulder, too?
What's the matter? Your armpit?
His shoulder hurts too
Oh, your shoulder too
I thought you were protecting yourself,
but it was just your aging shoulder hurting again
Ahh... This time... Aren't we sitting too much?
It's tough
Ahh... This time... Aren't we sitting too much?
You're right, this year is pretty different
Yeah. It's been slow
Man, I really want my pants back
Hah!!
I can't be walking around like this
Don't just say such normal things!!
Of course I'll say that
Don't come here and say such normal things!!
Of course I'll say that
I'm being hit like this the whole time
Are you okay?
Have you gotten red marks on your thighs?
Uuooh! Wooah woah woah!!
Yeah, it doesn't get that bad with pants on
Yeah, exactly
Tanaka!
Ah, they're here!
How long are you gonna prance around with no pants?
See?
Wish and it'll come true, Tanaka
Finally got some pants!
3 hours into their school life
They get no time to catch their breath
Are you ready?
The broadcasting club will be doing their noon broadcast
so we should go check it out
The school's noon broadcast!!
Observing the broadcast club
They have a school radio show?
Observing the broadcast club...
We have to go observe them?
Right
Can't we just listen to them from here?
We shouldn't need to observe them...
Why you are out of Cream Rolls? Explain yourself
Ehhm... you see...
School store
"Ehhm"?
Um...
I had them prepared, but...
You had them prepared, but you don't have them
They got sold out...
There should always be Cream Rolls here at this time, should there not?
Well, yeah that's right but..
Why are there no Cream Rolls here then?
They all got sold...
You sold all of them?
Yes
Predicting these things is the job of a bakery, is it not?
We did try to account for it...
It says "Super popular Cream Rolls" on the poster
Stop with the excuses
"Super popular Cream Rolls" it says right here
Yes
I wonder why there might be no Cream Rolls left then
No... It's just a coincidence that we sold out
A coincidence?
That's just an excuse, isn't it?
By the way. Can you do "Maaa," I wonder
The "Maaa"
Asking him to do it is...
That's enough...
It's not that famous of a gag...
Try doing it right now
MAAAAAA
One more time
MAAAAAA
With all you've got
MAAAAAA
Ahh, why do they have to do that here??
They're really into "Maaa" today...
Enough! Enough!
She's really into "Maaa"...
From now on properly stock Cream Rolls, okay?
She's still talking?
It's my absolute favorite
Certainly
Broadcast club studio
It's about time
Okay, let's enter
Everyone sit down right here
Since Tanaka is trying out for the club
Please sit in the chair at the far right
I'm trying out the club?
And now,
will the cast please come in!!
There they come
That took us by surprise!
What??
I watched you guys!
I watched you guys this morning!
This morning!
They got here super quick
T/N: These two broadcast club members are announcers on the live morning TV show, "SUKKIRI!!" It airs every weekday from 8am to 10:25am.
Broadcast club member
Koji Kato
Haruna Kondo
Yes, I saw them on TV in the morning
They got here quick, huh
We're live with the school report in 5 seconds!
FOUR, THREE, TWO
School report?
FOUR, THREE, TWO
It's "SUKKIRI"
The Noon Time
School Report Broadcast
Here they go
Oma~me~
T/N: Reminder, this school is called Omame High School.
Good morning
Good morning Good morning
Today is Tuesday, the 31st of December and this is The Noon Time School Report
Today's commentators are class 3-A's Tetsuya Miyazaki
T/N: Both Miyazaki and Kikuchi are regular commentators on SUKKIRI. Miyazaki is a critic of politics, religion, and philosophy while Kikuchi is an attorney.
3rd year, Class A
3rd year, Class C
Tetsuya Miyazaki
Yukio Kikuchi
Class 3-C's Yukio Kikuchi
Incredible! Those are the real deal too!
And provisional club member, Tanaka-kun
Nice to have you here
And with today's top story, here is Asami Miura
T/N: She is an Asami Miura look-alike who coincidentally is an actual announcer. Her name is Hanasaki Ayumi.
The female student looks just like Asami Miura
Recently, without notifying the school
two students participated in unauthorized part-time work
The two were promptly expelled from school
They must've gone to great lengths for this
This topic...
I was a bit taken aback, but what are your thoughts, Haruna?
Indeed, I feel the same way
I have a few things I'd like to say on this broadcast
and I hope I get the chance to talk about them here today
I've been keeping an eye on this school ever since I enrolled here,
and I too have some thoughts I'd like to share about the current situation
When going over the details of this case again more thoroughly
it was discovered that last month,
the two students had also done unauthorized part-time work
Hold on, this topic is a bit...
The topic...!
No no no no
Is this okay?
I feel like I've seen this before
I wonder if this is alright
When the school questioned them harshly
They both stated, "We didn't receive any money for the work"
But it was then discovered that it was a lie
so the two students decided to hold a full school assembly
Let's have a look at that conference
I've seen this somewhere...
Third year, class C
Third year, class B
T/N: Robert Campbell and Morley Robertson are both American TV celebrities in Japan. Robert is a Japanese literature professor while Morley is a DJ and journalist.
Robert Campbell
Morley Robertson
This segment is evil!
What is this!?
This is no good
This can't be allowed
This is horrible! Making us laugh like this
This segment is pure evil
It's about that, that one thing
For working a part-time job
and for disappointing you all with our actions
we ask for your forgiveness
From the bottom of our hearts
We are truly sorry
We wanted to apologize to the school as soon as the news broke
However, we were banned from holding a school assembly by the principal
T/N: This segment is a parody of the scandal regarding Yoshimoto comedians, Hiroyuki Miyasako and Ryo Tamura. Miyasako and Tamura (along with others) performed at an event for an organized crime group and was stopped by Yoshimoto in holding a press conference/public apology. Miyasako initially stated that he was not paid, but turned out to be a lie.
When we went to the principal
You're not recording this, are ya?
T/N: This "You're not recording this, are ya?" is really what the Yoshimoto CEO had said to Miyasako and Tamura. He later said it was supposed to be a joke, but it was in poor taste.
Really!?
Nooo no no no no
No no no! They're really cutting deep into this
Ack, right?
They're really cutting deep here
Right!
Leaving nothing untouched
I don't like this segment...
The principal said, "It's because we are a family"
But if the school is the parent, then that means us students are the children
Does that mean you hate school?
Do you hate school?
I have nothing, but gratitude towards this school, raising an idiot like me
T/N: Again, these were all based on things that were really said regarding the scandal.
Please stop!
Can we please stop this parody...
This is...
This is a dangerous thing to go into
Watching those two, who are always telling such lighthearted American jokes
having to apologize while knee deep in tears
To me that was indescribably sad and hard to watch
Haruna, what did you think?
Saying they are like a family
Normally, if the company is like parent...
She managed to say "company"
She said "company"!
Honest mistake
You meant school, right?
That's a real event
The "company" is for the real deal
This is a parody, remember?
By the way
I'm not sure if this is okay to say, but...
EVERYONE IS SCARED!!
Enough!! This isn't okay, right? This is terrible
Really is terrible
This is a real thing
So about this situation
Tanaka, what are your thoughts?
There are a few things I don't quite understand
But if something like this really were to happen
I would think it was pretty bad
You know, I..
really want to hear your true, honest opinion
Kato, I...
IT WOULD BE REAL NICE IF YOU COULD SHUT UP!!
I'm sorry...
They're not handling this like the TV show, Miyazaki
I wonder, can this kind of school give its students a good life?
WITH THIS CURRENT SYSTEM!!
The hell was that...?
Do those things really happen?
Matsumoto
It might be really rude of me to say this to a senior like you, Matsumoto
Here it comes. The quote
Here it is. Here it is
Here it comes. The quote
The principal is the school's highest position
A school where the leader can't take responsibility
is that even functioning!?
T/N: This is what Matsumoto really said regarding Yoshimoto Agency's reaction to the scandal on an episode of SUKKIRI.
That is a good impersonation
Here...
He said that
You said that
Yeah yeah, I said that
Anyways
I do think we have to change the current system
If this goes on any further
then I'll leave!
I will leave this school!
I'm sorry
Haruna, what do you think?
Uhm
That such a final statement
is being said on the school broadcast
makes me wish the school administration
could take proper notice
Like Haruna is saying...
That such a
final statement
She's doubling down!
What's up with those glasses?
Right... Is she crying?
I think she's crying
And well...
That such a final statement
is being said here
Waterfall of tears
makes me wish the school administration
Oh my...
No no
She's crying, right?
Haruna
Haruna, we understand...
You couldn't help, but let out your feelings
Yeah
Everyone is trying to keep it together
I'll say it one more time
If this situation goes on any longer I'll leave this school
SORRY TO INTRUDE!!
T/N: This is Takashi Yoshimura who is the boke from the comedy duo, Heisei Nobushikobushi.
I just listened to the entire broadcast!!
He came
If my senior is leaving then so am I!
Kato!
If Kato is leaving then I'm leaving too!
YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!
A real idiot has arrived
Haruna, it was tough for you too, right!
I'm just a underclassman, but I've been thinking
KEEP YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS!
Kato!
I'm serious...
This isn't about you!
Kato... Kato... Kato... Kato...
Keep out of this!
Kato... Kato... Kato... Kato...
This doesn't have anything to do with you!
Hey hey hey, calm down
YOU'RE THE LEAST RELATED TO THIS OUT OF ANYONE HERE!
Dang, he's intense
He's just a commentator
Please help us
I beg you to help save us
Matsumoto, Hamada, please help us
We all like this school, don't we?
I LOVE this school!
So I really don't want it to be over
Let's join hands one more time
and make this school a lively place once more!
CUE THE MUSIC
This makes no sense!
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
A
su
ga
a
ru
A
T/N: All of the Gaki members were on the drama, "Ashita ga Arusa" and the Gaki guys have performed this song together on many shows and events.
There's always tomorrow, tomorrow comes again
"Ashita ga Arusa"
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
A
su
ga
a
ru
Wa
ka
i
bo
ku
ni
wa
yu
me
ga
a
ru
A young me is filled with a lot of eager dreams
Wa
ka
i
bo
ku
ni
wa
yu
me
ga
a
ru
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
Someday I will, yes someday I will
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
I
tsu
ka
ki
t
to
Wa
ka
t
te
ku
re
ru
da
rou
surely come to understand
to
Wa
ka
t
te
ku
re
ru
da
rou
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
A
shi
There's always tomorrow, there's always tomorrow, tomorrow will always come again
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
sa
Mi
n
na
no
ta
me
ni
na
ru
na
ra
to
E
JEN
TO
se
i
do
wo
te
i
a
n
shi
Mi
I felt it would benefit everyone, so I proposed an agent system
Mi
n
na
no
ta
me
ni
na
ru
na
ra
to
E
JEN
TO
se
i
do
wo
te
i
a
n
shi
Mi
n
na
ya
ru
to
O
mo
t
te
i
ta
ra
Ki
zu
ke
ba
o
re
hi
to
ri
Mi
I thought everyone would take it up,
Mi
n
na
ya
ru
to
O
mo
t
te
i
ta
ra
but once I noticed, I was all alone
Ki
zu
ke
ba
o
re
hi
to
ri
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
ru
A
shi
ta
ga
a
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T/N: Matsumoto tried proposing this agent system to help comedians get gigs, but it didn't really take off.
There's always tomorrow, there's always tomorrow, tomorrow will always come again
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This is going too far
What was that?
Wait, wait, wait
Come on
Geez
That was insane
They left in a hurry
What a surprise
We're still in the first half of the show
New Project: Escape Game
After this is a new project, the Escape Game!
Downtown First Manzai in Approx. 30 Years
And for some reason, Downtown's starting their first manzai in 30 years!