Team Gaki Presents
Team Leader: Rich Translators: BakaDollie GakiNoSuitGuy Shion (Mauro) Mickstar Shizentaisuu DCSubs tuna EcksDee Solarwings Typesetters: catpanda Hikarii Sacro pencillover12 Cherry Sevendayheaven hachiagejo Karaoke: Konohana Niji Translation Check: Oolong Quality Checkers: James PeaceBrigade John Dread Kai Moruboshi
Aaaaaaaaah!!
Scary
Please wait a moment!!
Hey!!
Excuse me
There has been a mistake
The dog from just now had absolutely
nothing to do with Dolphin-chan
What?!
I'm sorry
The real Dolphin-chan was in a different location
What's up with this?
This is the real one
The wealthy family's beloved dog
Dolphin-chan (The real one)
They look alike
Matsumoto go back
Matsumoto barely avoids a slap
That was scary
The investigation begins once again with the real Dolphin-chan
Handbook scent confirmation to be repeated
If the real Dolphin-chan barks, then that is the culprit!!
Now for real, the one which is howled at is the culprit
Tanaka
Yes
Are you okay?
It isn't me
Are you the culprit, Tanaka!?
Tanaka!?
It's not me!!
No reaction!!
Tanaka is innocent
Endo and Hamada's handbooks also give no reaction
And then, there was also no reaction to Endo and Hamada's handbooks
No reaction!!
2 people are left
Are you okay?
Yes
You're so desparate, Macchan
You were not at the scene of the crime?
I was not
shoo!!
T/N: Hosei is trying to get the dog to bark.
shoo!!
shshii!!
Are you the culprit, Matsumoto!?
Matsumoto!?
I am not
No reaction!!
Matsumoto is innocent
You're the only one left
Hand over your handbook
The dog doesn't lie
Are you the culprit, Hosei!?
Hosei!?
I am not!!
Why is she barking that much!?
She barked a ton
Why did she bark that much!?
Dolphin barked a ton
The real culprit was Tsukitei Hosei!!
The wealthy family murder case
That was dangerous
That hurt
Chono-san
What is it?
Friday... I read through all of it
In response to Hino-san's scandal, physical punishments...
Shut up
He doesn't even let you talk
If he does that you can't say anything
He doesn't even let you talk
Hosei
First of all, stand up!!
It has to be you, understand?
I read the magazine
And talked about it on many shows
Shut up, you bastard!!
#Δ%□☆※♂
π▽☆Φ◇Σ#
It's impossible
I've had enough
He said it himself though
Go up
There's no way it could be lip service
This punishment is scary
Are you ready?
He is scary
What do you mean, am I ready?
It was written that you wouldn't do a slap this year
And I talked about it in many other shows
It's all lip service
What the hell is that!!
He asked it so casually, "What the hell is that!!"
This year, it's all you
Wait wait wait a second Chono-san
I understand that I will get slapped
1 month ago, I got something called Temporomandibular dysfunction
What's that?
I got it
Really, I was told it's really not good
You didn't get it
Really, I was told it's really not good
Eh!? That's a lie
Which is it?
He's just saying it with no proof
Wait a moment please
I looked it up on the internet properly
I looked it up on the internet and it makes
popping
sounds right here
It's the truth
That's what he says
That has nothing to do with being slapped, you understand?
It'll heal with one slap from me
No, that's...
It's making knocking sounds right
Popping sounds
Popping sounds right
For the culprit the punishment slap!!
I'll just take it!!
You're being truthful
But let me ask you for just one thing
What?
That blonde guy, please give him one slap as well
What the hell is he doing!!
That is unthinkable
He said it so straight up
He said something amazing
Why?!
Why should I hit Matsumoto?
Since he was barked at
The first Dolphin-chan barked at him
That was the wrong Dolphin-chan
It was the same one!! Tell the truth!!
That was a different Dolphin-chan
Tell the truth, you bastard!!
Tell the truth?
How can he say that...
Hosei, he has nothing to do with it
You are the culprit, do you understand?
OK!!
OK then, let's do a countdown
Ouch...
Stand up straight
Shall we start from 5 or shall we start from 3?
Which?
Please start from 5!!
Why did he say it like that?
It sounds like he is asking to be slapped!!
Don't run away
Finally, the moment of the slap
Let's go
SMACK
The punishment slap
SMACK
explodes!!
GOD
DAMN!!
Even if he says that...
It's over now.
Let's go
Really, saying my name
That one hurt
As the night deepens, trouble within the police station rapidly increases
15 hours of police duty elapsed
Everyone, it's bad
A very violent gang have barricaded themselves in
They are about to engage in a bloody confrontation with the police who are trying to shut them down
It's about time for that, yeah
Can you go and calm the situation down?
Confrontation between the gang and the police
The 5 members go to suppress the fight!!
It's a confrontation, huh
Even if we go, it's not like we can do anything
Let's get on
The 5 members get on the bus and head to suppress the fighting
The 5 members get on the bus and head straight to the gang's hideout
What lies in wait for them are those same guys
What lies in wait for them are, as always, those guys
Gang and police
Gang hideout
The police will have to win
Of course
You're too slow!
This is a forced eviction, you bastard
A blistering mood
Don't you go trying to take our place away from us
Hurry up and get out of here you losers!!
Hey you!!
Who the hell are you guys!?
Let's try to come to a peaceful solution
Stop saying crap!
Shut up and watch!!
Have a seat over there and watch
Hey, who are you getting mouthy at bastard?
This is our turf
That's right
What will you do?
Let's put our bodies on the line, you bastard!!
Sounds good!!
We'll match you!! Bring it on!!
Breakdown in amicable negotiations
Comedians with an average age of 46!
Let's go all out this year as well, comedians with an average age of 46 put themselves into a body-baring festival
In a battle for their pride, they put their bodies on the line
This year, let's make sure to get the F viewer bracket as well
T/N: TV audiences are split into C, T, F and M brackets and age-ranges. F is for female viewers.
This year, let's make sure to get the F viewer bracket as well
Let's get started with the popular segment which
all the kids around the nation are waiting for!!
When they take off their clothes, you can't tell which is the gang...
Ueshima team staff
Kendo Kobayashi
So we'll start it off first
Bring it in!!
It's the present of death
Present of death?
It's a competition of being given a toy, and pretending to be joyful like a child for 60 seconds
That's sophisticated
That's sophisticated, huh
Be given a toy present, and for 1 minute, explosively express your joy like a child
Ueshima team's pride
Haranishi!
OK, I understand
Will you become my son?
Yes please!!
Then...
Start!
Think about it
Huh?
Here, what do you think this is?
Oh! Papa, what's this?!
What do you think this is?
Huh? This is...
It's that thing!!
It's that?!
Yes, it's that!
Yay!! I'm so happy!!
I'm so happy!! I'm so happy!!
Wow!! Papa, thank you!! Papa!!
Papa!!
Thank you so much!! I am so happy!!
I am so happy!!
Papa!!
It's become a dance
Papa, thank you so much!
Kids won't do things like that
You have 25 seconds left
Papa!!
Hurry up and open it!!
Papa!!
He's stepping on it!!
Disqualified
That's the prize!
You ruined it
Haranishi's the greatest!
Ueshima squad
Degawa squad
Iwao Nozomu
Tanaka Takushi
Slow motion
"Hey, look there" showdown!!
T/N: "Hey, look there" is a variation of Rock, Paper, Scissors where the winner sings a chant and points in a direction and the loser has to look in a direction at the same time. If the loser looks at the same direction as the winner points, it's game over. Otherwise, you keep repeating.
Next up, Iwao and Tanaka will have a showdown via a tricky, slow motion game of "Hey, look there"
You just need to win!!
Right! Sorry!
Let's do it!
T/N: Rock, Paper, Scissors is "Jan Ken Pon" or "Jan Ken Poi" in Japanese
First is rock
You lost
Jan Ken Poi
You start with Rock, Paper, Scissors
Jan Ken Poi
Hey, look there
Wait a minute
Okay!! Nice decision!!
Jan Ken Poi
Well, it's fine
Jan Ken Poi
They sure can continue for a long time
Hey, look there
Decide already!!
Hey, look there
Do it properly!
Jan Ken
You guys...
Poi
Don't show him where you're going to point
This will end, right?
Hey, look
there
Those expressions are infuriating
Jan Ken
Poi~~
It's never-ending!!
No need to do a tie-breaker, idiots!!
It's a tie,
right?
Stop with the tie-breaker!!
It's a tie, right?
This is where you should persevere!!
What kind of battle is this?
Hey, look there
These guys are even!!
It's going to end here??
They probably find it rather tiring
A draw
Bravo, you guys are enemies, but bravo
Great game!!
We'll continue with this kind of praiseworthy battles
That's a farce, a farce!!
A farce? You fools think you could do this?
Bring that in!!
Idiots
What are you bringing in?!
This is...
A contest where you stick fireworks to the ass and endure the pain
Someone who's confident about his ass,
leader!!
All right, I'll show you my best!
Legendary reaction comedian: Degawa Tetsurou
Go! Go!
Hey, aren't you afraid?
Who'd be scared of this tiny firework?
Degawa squad's pride
h
When propulsion fireworks are attached to the buttocks and then ignited
he can endure without feeling the heat & without changing expressions
All right!
Hey!
All right!
Are you ready?
You can come at me any time!!
I'm doing it now
Yeah!
I'm lighting it up!
Oh, it's ignited
This is nothing!
Hey!
This is totally nothing at all!
Hot! Ouch!
Yeowch!!
Hot, ow!!
Ow!
Yeowch!!
It's burning!!
ayylmaoYeo
woch!!ayylmao
Aren't you saying it's "hot" now ?!
Aren't you saying it's hot?!
NO I DIDN'T
It's not hot at all!!
Nice job, leader!!
That was really not hot at all
Can we stop with these small contests?
Bring that in!!
How's that?
What's that?
It's the tickle torture machine!!
d
Tickle torture machine
Enter a box made of special rubber.
When air is sucked out, it will tighten around the body and the skin becomes super sensitive
Someone will enter the box made of special rubber
It will tighten around the body when air is sucked out,
resulting in the skin becoming super sensitive
Degawa squad's pride
h
No matter how much he's tickled, he must endure,
without changing expressions or making a sound for an entire minute
In that state, he will not make a single sound
No matter how much he's tickled
Kuro-chan, go on!!
Okay, I'm game for it!
Degawa squad
Kuro-chan
This guy can't handle it
I can totally do it!
Isn't Kuro-chan the worst person to choose for this?
It'll stick to you as much as you want it to
Getting ready within the box
Stick as much as you want?
He can do it!
Kuro-chan, you gonna be okay right?
Yes!!
Urp
Don't let out any sounds
I definitely won't make a sound!!
I see...
It will tighten around his body after all
Will you really be all right?
Please start sucking out the air!!
You gonna be okay?
Sucking out the air from the box
Kuro-chan, show 'em what you're made of!
Right!
That's a vacuum
A vacuum
Wow
Wow, amazing
What's this?!
It looks so tight
He's in a super sensitive state after the rubber tightened around his body
This is easy mode, right, Kuro-chan?
Will he be okay?
Yes
Then the 60 seconds
It looks really tight around his body
will now...
start!
Look at him
His legs
Only this part of you is stiff
What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong!!
Aren't you trembling?
If there's nothing wrong,
then why are you like this?
oof
Hah
Komiya is staring at you
Komiya, look at him
Look, look
Over here
Don't look...
at me...
Komiya, look at him
Hyak...
He's looking at you
Komiya
don't...
Only Komiya's touching you
Don't think about Komiya
Not Komiya
Hah
Eek
Hok
It was over a long time ago
Shut up!
Well then
It's just about time for the climax of this segment
What?
Bring that in!!
What's that?
This year's centerpiece and extraordinary invention
Both sides of the chair's been fitted with CO2 canisters which,
when started up all at once, will cause it to spin at high speeds
h
Both sides of the chair's been fitted with CO2 canisters
If the valves are opened at the same time,
it will cause the chair to spin at hellish speeds
Ueshima squad's pride
While spinning at high speed, can they finish eating a steaming hot bowl of New Year's Eve noodles
T/N: "Toshikoshi soba" means year-passing buckwheat noodles that is eaten on New Year's Eve. Since the noodles are easy to cut, they represent letting go of regrets & misfortunes of the past year. The long noodles also symbolize crossing from one year to the next.
Tonight
while spinning at hellish speeds
he's going to eat steaming hot noodles
Komiya's favourite: buckwheat noodles topped with deep-fried tofu
Here
Urk
Why does it seem like he's about to throw up?
Shut up!
Why are you about to throw up?
He doesn't seem hungry
Get ready...
I don't know
Start!
This guy's amazing
This is definitely impossible for me
This is taking so long
Just like a manga scenario!!
Stop it, stop!
It took too long to stop!
Way too long
Don't say it was too long!
Too damn long!
You threw it up
Don't say it was too long!
The soba noodles were long!
Was it tasty?
Komiya
Looks like you'll be able to get through the New Year well
I can pass the year-end safely
Happy New Year!
slip
He slipped...
Next...
No matter what happens, they must continue to feign sleep contest!
A showdown of willpower where they must continue to feign sleep no matter what
Legendary reaction comedian: Ueshima Ryuhei
From Ueshima squad, the leader Ueshima will participate
Degawa squad
Nakamura Yoshinobu, producer
From Degawa squad, Yoshinobu, a familiar face, will be participating
It's gonna start as soon as you've laid down
Both are getting ready on the beds
Do it seriously
Please lie down
We'll wake you up when it's time
Then you guys should come over and watch too
That's fine with me. Are you able to sleep?
Watch over the contest up close
Is that okay?
Near to them
Today's special
Feigned sleep: complete
Both participants
have fallen into their feigned sleep
Degawa squad
Nakamura Yoshinobu, producer
First,
Feigned sleep showdown: Item 1
Flash cotton put on nipples and ignited
flash cotton will be put on Yoshinobu's nipples and ignited
Yoshinobu...
So big!!
Yeah, those are big!
Here
Isn't that too much?
There's no more?
If his nipples are gone,
won't he wake up?
Yoshinobu will be totally fine
Yoshinobu, we're gonna start
Gonna start
Fwa!!
He said fwa!
Fwa!!
He said fwa
Wow
Yoshinobu
Hold on
Those burned well
Why did you say something like that?
That will happen?
It's probably your win, Yoshinobu, you're not waking up at all
Feigned sleep showdown: Item 2
Freshly made crepes to be put on the face
Next
A freshly made crepe will be put on Ueshima's face
Will it be all right?
T/N: Harajuku is a trendy city in Tokyo that has a lot of popular crepe shops.
Feels like Harajuku
Here it comes
Oh, this!
Don't try to escape!
It's flipped
Starting!
Is it ready?
Isn't it ready?
Ah, freshly made
Looks hot
He's awake!!
He's totally awake
That was so conspicuous!!
Would he reach for the crepe?
We'll do it again so everyone come over
Because he reached for the crepe
Oh, he did!
Not at all
Then hold his hands down
Oh I see
Then I will...
So he won't move
Crepe to be put on his face again
Over here too
Hold down his legs too
Hold down his legs
Ready
It's starting
Crepe
He's definitely awake!
He's definitely awake
He threw it away!!
He woke up!
He even threw it!!
You can wake up now
Feigning Sleep Competition Complete
You can wake up now
Hey leader, you can wake up now
It's morning
They're up like normal
Ah, what a good nap
They continue into the next day
16 hours of work at the police station
It's been 16 hours since they started their shift
Tanaka, you don't really fart, do you?
Yeah... I guess...
Endo too, right?
No, we don't really...
Are Cocorico idiots?
Idiots?
I don't think we're idiots...
Isn't the one Yama-chan let loose the most embarassing?
Hosei Farting While Carried
He farted completely on accident
Yeah...
It's because Hamada had a good grip on my butt
If we re-enact it could you fart again?
Probably, maybe
Could we try?
For real
Something with the inner ear
At that time...
Recreating Hosei's Fart Scene
I don't know anything about ears, I just held him
Tanaka... In Tanaka's direction...
Carry him in my direction like I'm about to sniff his head
Like that
Lift like this
Yeah
Wait... Someone kicked me
Hey
Stop
Stop!
Hey!
That hurts!
Wait, that hurts
Let him up
Stretch it!!
No, don't stretch it!
Which?
"Stretch it! No, don't stretch it!!"
Which is it?
That hurt!
It just wouldn't come out
There's no way it would!!
It wouldn't come out at all!
It's your fault too, Tanaka
You should've smelled him more quickly
I didn't think it was really necessary
I thought it was just re-enacting the fart...
Hindsight is 20-20 and all, but since Tanaka didn't smell your head...
that's why you shouted such impactful words
Yeah...
Stretch it, please don't stretch it
Stretch...
Stretch it, please don't stretch it
If you handle me so carelessly... Words like that come out
Things like "Stretch it, please don't stretch it"
That wasn't it...
No no no...
You'd understand if it was done to you, right?
I'm not so sure about that...
That's...
It's just that...
No...
We're different people with different senses
Different senses...
Over here Yama-chan
I'm really heavy...
Heavy...
Yeah, heavy...
Fart
You've got to be kidding me
NO WAY!
Excuse me
YOU CAN FART!
IT SMELLS TOO!!
IT SMELLS!!
I would never have expected him to fart...
Weren't you the one who said "I never fart on television!?"
I was just saying it doesn't happen often...
I really farted...
You farted...
and it smells really bad!
Smelly
Attention!
It wasn't even that big...
I have no idea...
Yeah, really...
It's coming!
Pichu
I shit myself
Can we stop it already?
What are you doing?
What ARE you doing?
Wait...
For real...
Hey...
What are you doing!? We got it already...
You said it
Give me a break
It really came out, we know it
What were you doing?
It went "Pichu" too
It did
It really came out
No no no...
Over here I let a good fart out
Since it was so loud at the time it was drowned out
We couldn't hear...
Since it was so loud at the time it was drowned out
I tried to hold it in quietly
When I thought, "Now is better"
About more than 80% of it had already been released
With only about 20% left is what I tried to push out
I shit myself
So you really pushed out 30%
What are you thinking!?
What are you doing...
I get it though...
Tanaka go smell it
WHAT!?
Woah!
You have got to be kidding me
He literally shit himself...
Tanaka smell it!
No no no no...
As Hamada says...
We don't know if he really shit himself or not!!
Seriously
Seriously smell it
Excuse me
I can't believe you did it
For real, it's legit
That's the worst
This is the worst
That's no good
This is too much
No good
When comedians have to
resort to shitting their pants to get a laugh, that's it, it's over
That's the end times
That's it, we're through
That's a good sign to stop
Not to mention on a New Year's Special
Particularly bad for a New Year's Special
Oh man my belly hurts
He pooped...
Does any of the smell escape from the hem?
Amazingly, there doesn't seem to be any smell escaping
Really?
As for whether or not it escapes from the hem...
Excuse me
From here, right?
Make sure you get a good grip
Yeah
No problem there
It doesn't escape out the hem
Move upward and see where you can smell it from
Find the boundary of the smell
Up like this?
Keep saying, "No smell" the whole way up
Yeah, like that
No smell
Yeah
No smell
Good
No smell
Surprisingly good
No smell
It's surprisingly not that smelly
SMELLY!
So it's about here
About here
It really smells
Me too?
Please get me new underpants
No more please
While you're certainly my junior, I'm really sorry for this, it's really embarrassing
No no no it's fine
1:30 AM
17 hours and 30 minutes of service
Only a small amount of time left at the police station
The five face their last exercise
Here it is
Mama read me a picture book
Today I'm going to read you a special book
What's the story about?
A story where five comedians
get eaten by a very scary monster
Sounds good! Quick, read it!
Alright, come closer
Yasei Bakudan
Cookie
T/N: Cookie is a Japanese comedian from the duo, Ninety-Nine. He does impersonations by painting his face to look like whoever he is imitating. He has a very distinct and creepy art style.
What's that face
Here we go
A long long time ago, there were 5 comedians named Matsumoto, Hamada, Hosei, Endo, Tanaka. One time while they were having a nice chat in their room, and a masked group came and took away Hosei and Endo.
By Cookie
AAAAH!!
WATCH OUT!!
Sudden Blackout
HEY!!
Scary!!
It's really dark
Scary!!
It's really dark
Scary!!
Dark!!
Scary!!
Dark!!
What!? HUH!?
There is no trace of Endo or Hosei
NUAHHHH!!
Who are you people!!
Watch out!!
The picture book comes alive...
Scary!!
And once again...
Hey, mama
What happens to Hosei and Endo?
About Hosei and Endo... They were to have all of their teeth pulled and replaced with the whites of Mahjong tiles
Hosei
Endo
So scary~!
It was really scary!
Really scary! Scaaaarrrrry!
The white Mahjong tiles didn't match with Hosei and Endo's body so it became the same color as plaque! Then plaque-colored zits started covering their entire bodies!
Hosei
Endo
We have to go save Hosei and Endo
From here on out you can laugh all you want, but you can't get scared!!
Hosei and Endo are on the ground floor warehouse
Why do they have us do this at a time when we're completely out of energy?
Special Night Time Rules
You Absolutely Must Not Get Scared
American Police
Ground Floor Warehouse
Wait, wait wait... That hurts
Endo and Hosei were taken away
to the ground floor warehouse
Restrained and Confined
Headed to the warehouse to rescue Endo and Hosei
The three head to the warehouse in order to rescue Hosei and Endo
Off to the rescue
Well, Tanaka
3rd Floor Hall
Where do you want to be, Tanaka? Front?
I'm good in the back
It gets dangerous when I flip out
Close the door
It gets dangerous when I flip out
Because it's dangerous when I get scared