Team Gaki Presents
Translators: GakiNoSuitGuy airismile Shion indi Papa-Pineapples zakennayo Alisa Solarwings photodiode funtonite Otviss RyuuTenshi Typesetters: Li'l Carl acoolins24 Sacro Kintsugi carebu zel Zeph Giffan Kolibry samsamuel CadetPirx Amria Alan bipedal Wyrm One Nojiko Karaoke: Kolibry Translation Check: Oolong Conjyak Quality Checkers: Elestriel Moocau EcksDee Server/Website Admin: Rich
This is...
Rough, huh?
Hold on a sec
This is quite bad
Oh, as time passes, it gets more...
Ahh, you're right
Don't make it twitch!!
Why is only the right cheek twitching?
You laughed again
Tanaka, don't laugh!
It's because you guys said all sorts of stuff
AAAHHHH
This guy is good!
That assassin is amazing
That was a hard hit
Yep
You really
Ought to rub something on it
That's true
Rub chapstick or something on it
Get first aid for the time being
Chapstick won't work
You gotta rub something on it, like chapstick
Chapstick won't work, I'm telling you
Something like vaseline right?
Yes
I just bought some so I'll do it for you
Seriously
We did that thing last time, didn't we?
We cooled it
Down with some ice
Cooling it down with ice is the best way
We have ice but...
Ice costs money right?
Ice isn't written on the list
Or will the ice hurt, like the last time?
Ha ha ha
What happened? Why are you laughing?
What happened?
It's fine, just lie down
Just stay like that
Lying down?
AAAHHHHHHH!!
Watermelon smashing
That was watermelon smashing
We saw a remarkable face!!
Aaah my ass...
Stay strong, Tanaka. He'll rub chapstick on for you
I'm gonna cool you down, I'm gonna put it on
Sorry, sorry
That's good
That's the love between a duo
We're in this together
It hurts!!
It hurts?
What was hurting?
It was too cold
You can see the round pattern from the heat
Put some chapstick on
This can't be used for lips anymore
Sorry about that
Yeah
This'll make it a bit better, with the menthol
Really?
Thank you
You don't need it cooled down?
No, I'll be alright
This had nothing to do with avoiding Thai Kicks
Yep, unrelated
That's true
Secret
What?
What's going on?
Can you take a look?
I was getting the deeper parts
How is it?
What's going on? Could you...
Whats going on?
Hamada came over for you
AAAAHHHH!!
It's much better now
Do you mind?
Thanks
No worries
How's that?
Wait, hurry up and take it out!
If you're gonna take it out, do it quick!!
I can't see the tip anymore, now
AAAAHHHHH!!
This is hell
For real
Seriously, it's really rough
He's making a super scary face
It's cause Endo didn't take it out quickly
Sorry, sorry about that
Sorry, Tanaka
Will you be able to sit at ZIP?
T/N: ZIP is a morning TV show that Tanaka is on
I can't in this condition
Is it ZIP or LIP, I can't even tell
Stay stronger, Tanaka. Don't laugh there
Please don't say that
Gotta stay strong, Tanaka
I'm sweating
I'm pouring sweat
AAAAHHHHH!!
You can do it
I'm taking it out
Please
One, two, three!
Three
Is there any poop on it?
No it's fine
Smell it Endo
Me?
It's alright, it's alright
Smell it
It won't smell
Come on
Cough
What the hell are you doing?
Yeah
Enough of this!
What is this?!
AHHHH it hurts! It hurts!
Let's wrap this one up!!
Any more of this is impossible, Tanaka
That freaking hurt
Tanaka, that's enough
Huh?
What's happening?
Breaking News:
Gaki Tsuka Breaking News
Entertainer Ahn Mika arrested for fraud
Of course
Of course!
This is not real news
Ahn Mika arrested! Unjust profit from suit sales
It has been alleged that the suspect, Ahn Mika, made illegal profits
By selling men's suits at high prices on her shopping channel
Despite the suits not being effective when used
Yep, definitely
Up until now there have been over 400 cases of fraud
There are over 400 cases of Ahn Mika's scams!!
400 cases
The police will continue to aggresively pursue her other cases
Unacceptable. It's awful!!
Wow, horrible
The Theme Music to Hanzawa Naoki
T/N: Hanzawa Naoki was a popular TV drama series
Of course, this is nothing if not a scam
Sit down, everyone sit down please!!
Sit down
Sit down, everyone sit down please!!
Sit down!
Everyone please sit down!
Please sit
We are from Heipo Central Bank
Heipo Central Bank Employees
Earlier, there was a loan made to Tanaka Naoki
We've been informed that the 250,000 Heipo loan
Was used by a fraudulent organization
We've come to collect the loan money
Loan Money Collection
Heipo Central Bank
The 250,000 Heipo loan
Do you still have it with you?
No, I don't have it
You do understand that we made a loan to you?
You signed your name right here!
In other words, you have to return that money right now
Or else we will be incurring these losses!!
Even if you have to borrow it,
Pay us back right now!!
No, umm
I signed it but I don't have the money...
So I asked for a loan, but no money came here
Not a penny
Assistant director Hanazawa what should we do?
If someone does you, you do them back
It's Thai-back!!
There was no evasion
Heipo Central Bank
Thai-back Thai Kick
There was no evasion
So it was a lie, right?
There was no evasion, and...
And that suit, also
Has no effectiveness
I've taken a beating on my bare ass
And there's still a Thai kick?
Well, it's a different kind of pain
Make it quick and change clothes
This is really happening!?
Gotta finish this
Seriously, with these!?
Wait, seriously
It's not stil in there, right?
We took the chapstick out, right?
Yeah, yeah, seriously!? Seriously!?
OWW!!
Tanaka has had so much done to him
His last moments huh
I really feel
Sorry for Tanaka
This was ridiculous
And chaotic, wasn't it?
Yeah it was, so
Just get changed, then
This year's Thai kick was serious
They did it up until last year
Yeah this one was serious
15 hours have passed
Next, the five go to watch a taping of an audition show at the hotel
Talent Show Taping
This super popular show in Las Vegas is...
This way
We keep coming back here
Talent Show
Good Talent recording studio
This is the recording studio
Of the super popular talent show
Good Talent
That show where you can become a star
I like that show
Hosei, you're excited right?
Yes?
Hosei, you're excited right?
I like that show
Why did he suddenly just ask one person?
Maybe he suddenly remembered his line?
These are special front row seats
You'll get to learn
From the home of entertainment
The show begins!
Ike Nwala
Looks like a real show
The talent show where your life changes overnight
First an introduction of the judges
Come On!
Judge
Max
Judge
Jennifer
And
The head judge is...
Mr. Ishiba
Head Judge
Shigeru Ishiba
Ishiba!
Really!?
This is amazing
Head Judge is former Minister of Defense, Shigeru Ishiba
This cannot be real
Mr. Ishiba
This is crazy
You don't see him in such shows
Exactly
You're right
The Head Judge is Ishiba
Ishiba
What are your thoughts?
Why I am the Head Judge,
I do not completely understand
But since I'm doing this, I'll ensure strict fairness
Our citizens' comprehension and empathy
Will be my main goals
I ensure I will do my sincere best
Hold on, this is way too serious
This has nothing to do with citizens...
He's speaking as if he's doing a political speech...
Citizens?
Okay
The first performer is this one!!
Performer
Tetsuya Takeda
T/N: Tetsuya Takeda is a famous actor and singer, most well known for playing the main character in Kinpachi Sensei.
Hello
What? I did not recognize him for a second there
I didn't recognize him
I didn't recognize him either
Let's start with your name
My name is Tetsuya Takeda
What will you be performing for us today?
I'll go with
My forte, singing...
Okay, all the best
Thank you
What's with his hairstyle
T/N: This song, "Kosui," is originally by an artist called Eito that has a really unique music video which has inspired many comedians to do their own version of it.
Perfume (Kosui)
Tetsuya Takeda
I get it now
Out of the blue, you text me in the middle of the night asking if I'm free
A very Takeda-esque version of the song Perfume
I haven't seen you in three years, I wonder how you're doing
At that time, it felt as if we could do anything
The music video is something like this
The dancer is Hisako Manda
T/N: Hisako Manda was a former Miss Universe contestant. She also appeared in the Enthusiastic Teacher Batsu, doing a monologue in the nurse's office.
The two of us
Took a lot of pictures at the sea
But look at me now, I'm a piece of garbage now
Even when I hurt other people and make them cry, I do not feel anything
It's too Takeda-esque
It's not as if I want you back, but when you're next to me, it takes me back
It's that Dolce & Gabbana perfume you wear that's at fault here
Don't get me wrong, I could fall for you again, you're a wonderful person
But we'd repeat the same pattern as before and I'd get dumped again
It's like Sumiko Nishioka
T/N: Sumiko Nishioka is a comedian who does skits as a dominatrix and does the splits in her routine.
I hate this
That was a great stage performance
Ishiba
What did you think of it?
Miss Manda put herself on the line to save Mr. Takeda
This left a deep impression on me
It was like watching the Aegis Warship
T/N: He's referring to warships that use the Aegis System. Remember, he was the former Minister of Defense.
Really setting aside your own interests in order to protect
This sort of spirit
From Japan's national security perspective
Is extremely important
This truly
Left a deep impression on me
Thank you very much
All of them have gone crazy
The next performance is coming right up!
Hello
Performer
Nakayama Kinni-kun
T/N: Nakayama Kinni-kun is a comedian that does comedy that focuses on his muscles.
I'm Nakayama Kinni-kun
I've come back to the USA again
Today, I'll show you
My upgraded performance
I'm sure it's same as always
Music... Start!
Nakayama Kinni-kun
Same as his old one
I've seen this before
Mr. Ishiba is watching intently
Maybe it's his first time
He's watching intently
Yuki Koyanagi's live rendition of It's My Life
T/N: Yuki Koyanagi is a Japanese pop singer. She sang the American and Japanese National Anthems for the 2006 World Baseball Classic in Tokyo.
What should I focus on?
Yeah!!
Really!
Miss Koyanagi
Ouch
She's a really good singer
Did not expect a live song
Mr. Ishiba
What did you think of it?
I think this is exactly what the
Japan-USA Alliance should be like
America acts as the spear and Japan acts as the shield
This is what the Japan-USA Alliance is, however...
What's important is
The benefits of the Alliance
Should not get to be enjoyed by only one of the two parties
Both sides really need to think about one another
It's not right for only one party to benefit from it
That was the perfect embodiment of it
That is what I think this performance was all about
The exuberance you displayed is what really touched me
I pray that both of you thrive and flourish
That is what I would like to sincerely
Convey to both of you today
That was a very packed comment
I don't get what he's saying
All his comments sound so political...
The next performance is coming right up!
Performer
Tomomitsu Yamaguchi
T/N: Tomomitsu Yamaguchi is an actor, comedian, singer, and presenter.
He's here
He's here finally
What is he up to
I've come back after a long time
Until recently I was locked up
Oh he was released
Anyway to be able to come back
And be able to sing in front of everyone
T/N: Anti-social is "hansha" while gratitude is "kansha".
Anti-social
-- no --
gratitude
That's a weird mistake to make
Here's a song I want you all to hear
I'm sure you know this song
Dandelion
That song doesn't suit him at all
Dandelion (Tanpopo)
Yellow dandelions blooming on the embankment
Are looking up at me and swaying
That's such a wonderful thing
Swaying swaying (swaying swaying)
Swaying around
Swaying swaying (swaying swaying)
He's a nice guy
Swaying around
He's such a nice guy
Tura tura (tura tura)
Tura tura tura tura ra ra
Kanpachi, Kannana
T/N: Kanpachi and Kannana are streets in Tokyo.
Kanpachi, Kannana
Are almost always crowded
Swaying swaying (swaying swaying)
Sway~ing sway
i~
Sway
i~
Swa-ha-hayi~
-ing~
He's such a nice guy
He's completely changed
Ouch
He's gone
That was wonderful
What did you think of it? Mr. Ishiba
Mr. Ishiba
Turning over a new leaf is always possible, I believe
What is one's true heart in life?
That is what was on display in his performance
I was truly moved by that
The next performance is coming right up!
Performer
Tsurutaro Kataoka
T/N: Tsurutaro Kataoka is a TV personality, actor, artist, and former boxer.
Really?
This will not be good
I've been hit a lot today
What are they up to?
With Yoga, the toxins in your body, the toxins in your mind, shall be gone
Let me show you the breathing and purification method
Presenting the Yoga breathing method to remove the body's toxins
Wow
All right
The toxins in your body,
And the toxins in your mind, can be removed by this
Today in this hall, we have
Many people who must have their toxins removed
You guys
Whoa!
Fujimoto Toshifumi
Kinoshita Takayuki
You must be kidding me
Especially that one over there
Let's get rid of your toxins
Come here
Lumps of toxins
Well yeah
Let's let out the toxins by speaking them out as words
Let's purify ourselves
Ever since that happened, I feel afraid whenever I see tapioca
T/N: In 2019, Fujimoto's then-wife got in a public dispute with a tapioca milk tea shop. Later, other scandals about her became public. Fujimoto and his wife later divorced
Never ever will I throw plastic bottles again
T/N: Kinoshita once became enraged at a colleague and threw a plastic bottle at him. This incident precipitated in him becoming shunned by the entertainment industry
Now,
This is the final purification ritual
If you purify your mind, you won't feel any heat
That's what purification is
You won't feel any heat...
You won't feel anything...
Not hot at all
You don't feel anything...
You won't feel any heat, at all
Guh
Enough already
He really felt the heat
Yes
It's hot, right?
It's hot!!
You lying Yoga bastard
Wait wait
So scrawny, geez
Wait wait
It's hot
No no it's not hot, not hot
Hot hot hot...
He's even saying "Hot, hot"
Hot hot
It's hot, right?
All right
That was the best night ever, wasn't it?
That surprised me
Everyone, that was an amazing show, wasn't it?
Let's go
Amazing? Was it really?
16 hours have passed
The sleepless town, Las Vegas, was still hustling and bustling
They have been called back to the casino again. What awaits them this time?
Can't we just stay here the whole time?
The dealer will be here so please wait a bit
Wow
We haven't made any money at all
True
Oh yeah
Everyone, sorry for making you wait
Sorry for making you wait
You did that bit to your heart's content last year
Showed up as Director Muranishi last year
Kusanagi Tsuyoshi
I might've made you wait for too long
We weren't even waiting for you
I thought this year I would be going as Demon Slayer but...
When I got to the dressing room there were briefs and a camera
What is the meaning of this?
I don't know...
I don't know anything about the items they gave you
Well yeah, Demon Slayer is really...
It's quite... yeah
Today, I will capture everyone's
Expressions of their bare instincts
With my camera
Matsumoto, that's nice
Hamada, that's nice
Let's do the traditional conch shell questions
Here we go
The traditional director's conch shell questions
Here's for Matsumoto
Here's for Hamada
We did this last year, too
If it's YES blow twice, if it's NO blow once
Let's start with
Answering the director's question:
YES blow twice
NO blow once
With you, wearing the nice vintage clothes
Q. Do you have a pair of jeans that you could give to Kusanagi?
Yes, yes!
That's NICE
That's nice
Answering the director's question:
YES blow twice
NO blow once
He's just being happy
Next...
You, who said last year that you go for drinks
With Nakai twice a month
For the year 2021...
Nakai, Matsumoto, Kusanagi
Q. Do you think [Nakai & Matsumoto & Kusanagi] can go for drinks together?
We can!
That's NICE
The director wants to go for drinks with all three of them!
Those were some cheerful instincts you gave me
To tell you why I'm dressed like this today
It's because I brought a buddy who has a similar persona
All right, come on in
Sorry for making you all wait
Similar persona as Kusanagi
Director Muranishi Touru
T/N: Muranishi Touru is a famous director and producer of pornographic films
Sorry for making you wait
That's NICE
There it is, there it is
This is some reverse impersonation happening here
Wow
That's nice
Video shoot between director & director
That's nice
No, no
That's nice
Fantastic
Jackal Jackal
That's nice
Fantastic
Jackal Jackal
What the hell
This is amazing
Wow
Ahh~ caught me off guard
Director
We had a good shoot here
That's nice
Fantastic
Jackal Jackal
For today,
We are not done yet
I have another buddy coming
Come on in!
Sorry for making you all wait
Jungle Pocket
Saito Shinji
Or rather, I might've made you wait for too long
The order is all wrong
Me, who came out after the real one, too weak
That's weak
It's weak
Director Saito is too weak since he came out after the real director...
That's weak
It's quite weak
Me, who came out after the real one, it's weak
I fully acknowledge that this is quite weak
Oh, so he knows
But I cannot leave just like this
Of course
That's nice
Hot topic on the internet this year
A stretch that doesn't do anything
So now
I will show you an exercise that you can do easily at home
Matsumoto, let's try stretching
Come come
I have a good feeling about this
It's good
I have a good feeling about this
Music, action
That's NICE
Nice indeed
Matsumoto, that's nice
That's nice
That's good
That's nice
That's good
That's nice
That's good
That's nice
That's Jackal
That's good
That's nice
Sorry for making you wait
That's nice
Too nice, gorgeous, fantastic
What a mess
A messed up Jackal video shoot
This is quite chaotic
Okay
We got good footage, that's a wrap
That's NICE
That's nice
That's too weak
The order was...
Yeah, he came after the real one
I guess they did that on purpose
Everyone
The dealers here are full of character
Let's head out, then
We haven't done anything yet
Those were the dealers
Those were dealers?
They didn't do anything
We didn't play anything
I didn't get to make a single bet...
Waiting Room
Oh good, no new drawers
Fujioka Hiroshi mask
(with funny eyeglasses)
That's a good one. It's funny
It looks like someone
That one was the best
What a big head
Okay